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  1. #1
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Default Random questions about ESFJ's

    I'm interesting in hearing some feedback about the following questions from Sas or any other ESFJ's on here. I'd also love to get the perspective of those who are close to an ESFJ and have observed the way they work. Anyone can feel free to add their own questions, as well. Please forgive my lack of knowledge about functions and types as I ask these questions.

    1. As an ESFJ, how extroverted do you believe yourself to be? Do others perceive you as extroverted? Are you "the life of the party" or does your extroversion display itself in other ways?
    2. How organized and neat do you consider yourself to be? Are you meticulous about keeping things spotless and cleaned up? Are you more concerned about the details of a clean room or the overall cleanness of the room? Do you ever let things get messy because you've put priority on other things? If so, what takes priority?
    3. How emotional do you consider yourself to be? Which emotions do you tend to feel on a regular basis? Are you quick to get angry? Do you consider yourself sensitive to criticism?
    4. What lengths do you go to to avoid conflict? What forces you to deal with conflict? Do you ever try to hide your hurt feelings or negative emotions from others? If so, why do you do this? Are you successful at hiding them or do people always know something is wrong?
    5. When telling a story, do you get caught up in the details? Do you have a tendency to say the same thing in multiple ways to make sure you are understood and that you're making yourself clear?


    That's all for now. May add more later. I would really appreciate any responses. Thanks in advance for your help!
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  2. #2
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Also, if anyone could give any kind of clear overview of how the functions work for an ESFJ, that would be very helpful! Fe, Si, Ne, Ti
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  3. #3
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    I'm pretty close with an ESFJ and these are my observations:


    As an ESFJ, how extroverted do you believe yourself to be? Do others perceive you as extroverted? Are you "the life of the party" or does your extroversion display itself in other ways?
    She feels as though she is introverted. But my observation is that she clams up around new people until she gets a sense of who they are, but then becomes very extroverted. But her initial reaction to new people is silent suspicion. Otherwise, she is definitely extroverted especially in the way she presents herself physically - at a party she'll have the shortest of skirts and the highest of heels, or she'll present the most elaborate home made birthday cake. Everything with flair, and she likes to be noticed.

    How organized and neat do you consider yourself to be? Are you meticulous about keeping things spotless and cleaned up? Are you more concerned about the details of a clean room or the overall cleanness of the room? Do you ever let things get messy because you've put priority on other things? If so, what takes priority?
    She likes things neat and organized, but isn't as meticulous with cleanliness. As long as things look in order, she doesn't inspect further. Things come out of the dishwasher with food stuck to them and she wouldn't notice or care, as long as they are put in their proper place. Things get messy when she is busy with her kids but will very soon drive her crazy. Imbalance drives her insane. If her husband hangs a picture a little off center, she can't focus on anything else.

    How emotional do you consider yourself to be? Which emotions do you tend to feel on a regular basis? Are you quick to get angry? Do you consider yourself sensitive to criticism?
    She's so damn emotional and she knows it. She says things like " a good cry" often. When she's mad, she screams and throws plates. When she's happy, she'll laugh and bake. She never holds back. And if she tries to, there will be an explosion later. She doesn't get angry often though. She whines more than anything else.

    What lengths do you go to to avoid conflict? What forces you to deal with conflict? Do you ever try to hide your hurt feelings or negative emotions from others? If so, why do you do this? Are you successful at hiding them or do people always know something is wrong?
    She will do anything, *anything*, to avoid conflict. She has taken the dumbest shit from people (IF those people have something to offer her in the long run). If this person is not important to her, she can be extremely rude and direct. But when dealing with her mother-in-law, for instance, she'll grin and bear it, always.

    When telling a story, do you get caught up in the details? Do you have a tendency to say the same thing in multiple ways to make sure you are understood and that you're making yourself clear?
    She just tells what happened, without too many details. She says more details than I care to hear, but she'll never hold up the story if she's trying to remember a specific thing or name. She doesn't normally retell things a different way. If she tells me a story, she'll tell someone else that same story later with the exact same words. If she comes to an epiphane about something, she'll recount her discovery with the same intonation and dramatic pauses each time.

  4. #4
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Thanks so much for your reply. I can relate to a lot of what you said and it clears some things up. The questions I asked are things that sometimes cause me to question my type

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    She feels as though she is introverted. But my observation is that she clams up around new people until she gets a sense of who they are, but then becomes very extroverted. But her initial reaction to new people is silent suspicion. Otherwise, she is definitely extroverted especially in the way she presents herself physically - at a party she'll have the shortest of skirts and the highest of heels, or she'll present the most elaborate home made birthday cake. Everything with flair, and she likes to be noticed.
    That's exactly how I am as far as first interactions to people and then my response to them later after I know them well. I sometimes feel that I am introverted because I often am quiet and reserved at first. However, when I take the tests, I score as 75% extroverted. I love to be out and about and meeting new people, but when placed in a group of new people I tend to just observe for quite awhile before I start getting involved. But then put me in a group of several friends and my personality can be attention-getting and enthusiastic. In those situations, I feel totally energized and alive.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    She likes things neat and organized, but isn't as meticulous with cleanliness. As long as things look in order, she doesn't inspect further. Things come out of the dishwasher with food stuck to them and she wouldn't notice or care, as long as they are put in their proper place. Things get messy when she is busy with her kids but will very soon drive her crazy. Imbalance drives her insane. If her husband hangs a picture a little off center, she can't focus on anything else.
    Again, that's exactly how I am. Sometimes I let certain things get messy and put off cleaning up because I'm busy doing other things. For some reason my office space stays tidy and neat but my car accumulates stuff quite awhile before I get around to cleaning it. But certain little things bother me a great deal.


    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    She's so damn emotional and she knows it. She says things like " a good cry" often. When she's mad, she screams and throws plates. When she's happy, she'll laugh and bake. She never holds back. And if she tries to, there will be an explosion later. She doesn't get angry often though. She whines more than anything else.
    That's pretty much what I'm like except that I don't get too destructive if I get mad. I am fairly easily annoyed by minor inconveniences, but I'm not typically easy to anger. Things I read sometimes make ESFJ's sound like they are going around in fits of range. I feel like most of the time I'm pretty happy, and when I'm unhappy it's generally sadness/hurt/worry rather than anger.


    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    She will do anything, *anything*, to avoid conflict. She has taken the dumbest shit from people (IF those people have something to offer her in the long run). If this person is not important to her, she can be extremely rude and direct. But when dealing with her mother-in-law, for instance, she'll grin and bear it, always.
    Ok, yes. This is me, as well. If I don't care about my relationship with someone, I can be pretty blunt and almost uncaring with their feelings. But people who are close to me are the ones I want to hide my negative emotions from the most. I worry about being a burden to them and worry about hurting them by sharing my negative feelings. However, I'm not able to hide them at all. People can always tell when I'm upset about something even if I try my hardest to hide it.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    She just tells what happened, without too many details. She says more details than I care to hear, but she'll never hold up the story if she's trying to remember a specific thing or name. She doesn't normally retell things a different way. If she tells me a story, she'll tell someone else that same story later with the exact same words. If she comes to an epiphane about something, she'll recount her discovery with the same intonation and dramatic pauses each time.
    Very interesting. I think the latter part is true. I also have a knack for retelling a story the same way another person has told it. However, I think I am often prone to repeating myself in order to reinforce clarity. I don't necessarily always get hung up on the details if I can't remember them correctly...I am just inclined to give too many (for example, "And I was wearing such-and-such..." and then I stop and remind myself that it doesn't even pertain to the story and there's no need to include that detail).

    Anyway, these are all things that cause me to question at times whether I got my type right.
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  5. #5
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Wooo Hooo .. About time too We should have more threads about us.

    How extroverted do you believe yourself to be?
    Pretty extroverted. No problems talking to strangers. Even worse when drunk.

    Do others perceive you as extroverted?
    Yes, i believe so. Well i was at the pub the other day for lunch, on the floor, on my hands and knees, showing someone an example of something .. Do introverts do that?

    Are you "the life of the party" or does your extroversion display itself in other ways?
    I am not the life of the party unless i am drunk but i can easily walk into a room and wont be worried if i know no one. I'll make friends or just have conversations with people.

    How organized and neat do you consider yourself to be?
    More laid back these days .. My youngest (ENTP messy kid) actually asked me the other day 'When was the last time you hoovered the living room?' I don't go in there often and it was a mess

    Are you meticulous about keeping things spotless and cleaned up?
    Used to be very bad with this .. Now the pots can stay in the sink over night and the world won't end. I do get a little anal if someone has eaten something and there are crumbs on the counter.

    Are you more concerned about the details of a clean room or the overall cleanness of the room?
    You think to much Is the room clean to my (lowered) standard, then great.

    Do you ever let things get messy because you've put priority on other things? If so, what takes priority?
    It will get cleaned eventually .. There are not enough hours in the day for the rest of the stuff i want to do. Read that book or clean .. Read

    How emotional do you consider yourself to be?
    I am in a better place regarding that .. I can evaluate if it is beneficial to me these days .. Got a better hold on them.

    Which emotions do you tend to feel on a regular basis?
    Optimism although that is more of an explanatory style than an emotion.

    Are you quick to get angry?
    There are many levels of anger .. I can get pissed at something but calm down 5 seconds later. I haven't blown up in quite a while.

    Do you consider yourself sensitive to criticism?
    No .. I love criticism .. Think outside the box people

    What lengths do you go to to avoid conflict?
    In the past, great lengths .. Realise now, communication really is the key. So i might get hurt from it, better than hiding your head in the sand.

    What forces you to deal with conflict?
    Past experiences

    Do you ever try to hide your hurt feelings or negative emotions from others?
    Used to .. Not anymore .. It is liberating being honest with someone even if it does hurt.

    Are you successful at hiding them or do people always know something is wrong?
    This is what i realised .. People who truly know me, know i have a mushy side to me. This exterior is from hard life experiences. If these people can already see a part of me that i am trying to hide and still are not taking advantage of it .. Why continue to hide it? Makes no sense.

    When telling a story, do you get caught up in the details?
    Yes, i am a bugger for it. It is good on line because i can actually see what i am about to post and edit it, lol

    Do you have a tendency to say the same thing in multiple ways to make sure you are understood and that you're making yourself clear?
    If they understand what i am saying then i won't repeat it although sometimes the same advice can be applied to another subject so I'll make reference to it. I think it all depends on who i am talking to.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  6. #6
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Thanks, Sas. I'm with you...I'm learning how to be more open and honest about resolving conflict before it goes ignored for too long. But I admit it is extremely hard.

    One other thing...I am more anal about other people's mess than my own. Is that normal? I am more worried about picking up/washing dishes when I go to my boyfriend's house than I am at my own house.
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  7. #7
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wrldisquiethere View Post
    Thanks, Sas. I'm with you...I'm learning how to be more open and honest about resolving conflict before it goes ignored for too long. But I admit it is extremely hard.

    One other thing...I am more anal about other people's mess than my own. Is that normal? I am more worried about picking up/washing dishes when I go to my boyfriend's house than I am at my own house.
    I resolved a lot of issues when i experienced a huge trauma (well, to me it was), it shook the very foundations of my being and helped me realise that my thinking had become incredibly warped and narrow over the years.
    So for me, it was a blessing in disguise.

    Lol .. Oh gosh .. Both me and my mum are esfj and when we visit each others houses, we are both cleaning up something. I am just trying to help her though so she doesn't have to do it later, it gives her free time to do something else. I am sure the same applies when she comes round my house.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  8. #8
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    I now have some questions for you wrldisquiethere

    Regarding relationships, you do ever (try to) go back to your partner after it has finished?

    Do you ever over analyze situations to the point you feel like your head is going to explode?

    Do you try to grasp new concepts such as physics, quantum mechanics, knowing full well you won't be able to but will try anyway?

    What is your idea of fun?

    Do you make to do lists? Or do you just remember everything in your head then forget and rush around doing them all at last minute? Lol

    I'll think of some more.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  9. #9
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Lol .. Oh gosh .. Both me and my mum are esfj and when we visit each others houses, we are both cleaning up something. I am just trying to help her though so she doesn't have to do it later, it gives her free time to do something else. I am sure the same applies when she comes round my house.
    Haha! Yes! That's exactly why I do it...so they can focus on other things. Funny.

    I also have an ISTJ friend that I am very careful and meticulous about my tidiness when I go to her house. But that's because if I'm not I'm afraid she'll kick me in the shins. Haha!

    Regarding relationships, you do ever (try to) go back to your partner after it has finished?
    It depends. I have always struggled with truly letting go. I think that I have to know that I have absolutely done everything I possibly can to resolve a relationship before I can move on. And quite frankly, I am so hard on myself that it's hard for me to get to that place and it often takes a long time. But honestly once I get to the place where I decide to move on and make that choice, I will do whatever it takes to do so and I won't look back. So I think it depends on what stage I'm at emotionally in the letting-go process. I will say I've been known to try to get someone back before.

    Do you ever over analyze situations to the point you feel like your head is going to explode?
    Sometimes. I think I've gotten better about this over the years, though. But there is always that tendency. It drives me crazy. I can totally relate to the feeling that your head is about to explode!

    Do you try to grasp new concepts such as physics, quantum mechanics, knowing full well you won't be able to but will try anyway?
    Yes. Heaven only knows how many times I have tried to read about physics and time travel. Still don't understand it more than a little bit, but oh how I wish I could! And I will try!

    What is your idea of fun?
    I think fun to me is being able to let loose and focus on letting go of responsibility for awhile to enjoy the company of others. I love going out with friends or having friends over and just being crazy. Laughing about things...enjoying life together. I love getting outdoors with people and enjoying nature together or having people over and eating a good meal or playing games that causes everyone to enjoy the company and the differences of one another. During this time the only responsibility I'm focused on is the happiness of my guests/friends, and I absolutely love when I am able to bring other people together and give them a good time together.

    Do you make to do lists? Or do you just remember everything in your head then forget and rush around doing them all at last minute? Lol
    I'll make to-do lists sometimes if I'm likely to forget things. I do often set up reminders (electronically) so I won't forget. I have to say I love the feeling of actually marking things off a list! The reality of it, though, is that even though I make these lists I don't really rely on them and seldom actually need them. I generally get things done as soon as I can so they won't be on my mental list, and if they have to be put off then I am likely to remember them in time, anyway. The mental to-do list never, ever sleeps.

    By the way, I LOVED this PostSecret because I can relate to it so well. When making out a to-do list, I have often done this: put an item on the list that I'd already done and then checked it off...just for the sheer pleasure of having a checked off item.

    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  10. #10
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    Two questions for ESFJs...
    1) Please shatter the stereotypical mother bear image I have whenever I think of the ESFJ type.
    2) What do you like about being an ESFJ?

    Thanks!

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