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Thread: Random questions about ESFJ's

  1. #11
    Senior Member Array wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Apr 2009


    1) Please shatter the stereotypical mother bear image I have whenever I think of the ESFJ type.
    I would really like to answer this but I'm not sure what to say. I know that the people close to me notice and appreciate that I am a nurturing person but I don't believe any of them think of me as being a mother bear. My BF thinks I'm damn sexy so I guess that helps keep me from being *too* mother bear in his estimation. Saslou is damn sexy, too, so you should look at her picture and then it might shatter the Mrs. Potts image you have of ESFJ's in general. Hah.

    2) What do you like about being an ESFJ?
    • I like being practical and down-to-earth.
    • I like being able to anticipate people's needs and provide for them.
    • I like having the ability to make each person feel special. A friend once said that I made every person individually feel like they were my best friend and like they are important to me. I'm glad I have that ability.
    • I like being able to think of creative ways to make people feel loved without having to try very hard. I like that it comes naturally.
    • I like the fact that my compassion for others allows me to comfort them when they're hurting.
    • I like the fact that I'm not a procrastinator and get things done in time.
    • I like being a dependable employee.
    • I like the fact that I get along with almost everyone and almost everyone I know enjoys my company.
    • I like the fact that children are drawn to me and feel safe with me. (So much for shattering that mother bear image! )
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  2. #12
    Writing... Array Tamske's Avatar
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    Oct 2009


    Thanks a lot!
    I guess it takes more than one ESFJ to shatter the mother bear image .
    It has also taken more than one ESTJ to shatter the conservative, controlling boss image I had of them (But for some reason, I've found almost immediately a small army of both real-life and imaginary ESTJs, who shattered the image with well-known efficiency)

  3. #13
    Plumage and Moult Array proteanmix's Avatar
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    Apr 2007


    1) Please shatter the stereotypical mother bear image I have whenever I think of the ESFJ type.

    I think this "mother bear" image can also be viewed as a MILF, or cougar or anything else you'd like to substitute for it. Most of this outrageous stereotyping of ESFJs is because people overassociate ESFJs with mothers and being motherly. I bet people are probably even incorrectly typing their own mother as ESFJ or xSFJ. I think that's mostly a fault of type descriptions and how people generally conceive of Fe and FJs.

    People don't typically ascribe sexual, sexy, earthy, or sensual characteristics to Fe for whatever reasons which is strange to me because Fe is usually thought of as being service-oriented in nature. I can think of a gajillion sexual thoughts based on that alone! Fe is associated with peas and carrots and making sure your bed is made...very asexual. Eh, their loss.

    The mother bear image may be true depending of the age of the ESFJ and where there focus is. I'm 28 and most of the ESFJs I know are in their 20s and early 30s. I know skads of ESFJs and I would dare anyone to associate Mama Bear with them. These chicks are the hottest thing in the room and they know it, whether in a suit or wearing next to nothingm and also in attitude. I think people would mistype them as ESFPs probably. Location and local culture also has a lot to do with it. If you conjure up images of soccer moms when you think of ESFJ then that's a very incomplete picture. Like I said the ESFJs I know (and me too) are very career focused, kids are the last thing on anybody's to do list.

    2) What do you like about being an ESFJ?

    I just really like feeling people. I believe I have a heart towards other humans and their humanity. That sounds vague and like duh, but it's true. I guess Bjork says it best in that we're "irresistible." It's not difficult for me to get caught up in the human element. I'm not saying it's a "help" people thing, either. I feel very fond of people and even though they vex and frustrate me often I still don't want to push them away. I'm not a god sitting on Mt. Olympus looking at these curious creatures, I want to engage these creatures and experience things as they experience it. Argh, I'm doing crappy explanation but that's all I got for right now.

    If I break it down functionally I'm happy I'm not Fi because they seem so torn up and anguished inside. I'm happy I'm not Te because I like feeling people, I'm not quite so efficiency minded and I feel like that would interfere with my doting upon humanity.

    I'm OK with Ti, but I'm happy it doesn't predominate my thinking because it's a very isolating function. I feel it creeping up sometimes when I'm engaging with people and it makes me doubt people and view them as shadowy villains. That's good because it keeps me from being a mindless ninny but if that doubt is how TPs feel on a constant basis I would not want to feel like that either. I don't distrust people through my Fe, I distrust them through my Ti. Fe gives me no reason to distrust people, but Pi+Ti starts breaking them apart and questioning them. When used discerningly and judiciously, I don't distrust it. When I'm coasting on Fe+Pe, everyone's a friend and no one means harm or ill.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  4. #14
    Senior Member Array Saslou's Avatar
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    Feb 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    1) Please shatter the stereotypical mother bear image I have whenever I think of the ESFJ type.
    I have been a very protective mother over my boys .. Hurt them and I'd literally do time for you, if needs be. I have mellowed out over the last year though. Becoming a mother though at 16 and 18 yrs old .. I am so fucking proud of the way my boys have turned out I did a good job after all.

    2) What do you like about being an ESFJ?
    I am practical and grounded
    Realistic yet optimistic
    Enthusiastic and constantly seeking more knowledge
    A true friend who will be there when needed most
    I know how to have a darn good time
    I love people and will forgive those who hurt me the most
    Live and let live attitude
    I love my sense of adventure (I need to go to Berlin now)
    I personally think it is pretty awesome being an ESFJ.

    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  5. #15


    Quote Originally Posted by wrldisquiethere View Post
    I'm interesting in hearing some feedback about the following questions from Sas or any other ESFJ's on here. I'd also love to get the perspective of those who are close to an ESFJ and have observed the way they work. Anyone can feel free to add their own questions, as well. Please forgive my lack of knowledge about functions and types as I ask these questions.

    1. As an ESFJ, how extroverted do you believe yourself to be? Do others perceive you as extroverted? Are you "the life of the party" or does your extroversion display itself in other ways?
    2. How organized and neat do you consider yourself to be? Are you meticulous about keeping things spotless and cleaned up? Are you more concerned about the details of a clean room or the overall cleanness of the room? Do you ever let things get messy because you've put priority on other things? If so, what takes priority?
    3. How emotional do you consider yourself to be? Which emotions do you tend to feel on a regular basis? Are you quick to get angry? Do you consider yourself sensitive to criticism?
    4. What lengths do you go to to avoid conflict? What forces you to deal with conflict? Do you ever try to hide your hurt feelings or negative emotions from others? If so, why do you do this? Are you successful at hiding them or do people always know something is wrong?
    5. When telling a story, do you get caught up in the details? Do you have a tendency to say the same thing in multiple ways to make sure you are understood and that you're making yourself clear?

    That's all for now. May add more later. I would really appreciate any responses. Thanks in advance for your help!
    My dad is fairly extroverted and lights up a room when he socializes. However, he becomes quiet in certain situations like when he's around people that are more intense than he is or when he's stressed (he's probably like 7.0-7.5 out of 10 on the intensity level). One other thing to note is that his love language is affirmation so he feels like he NEEDS to help people to feel loved or that if he doesn't, it seems like he feels he let people down. That's how his extroversion plays out.

    He's very organized and neat... pretty much a neat freak.

    He is a very emotional man. He seems to get annoyed and/or angry almost on a daily basis, along w/ spurts of silliness in between. He's quick to anger but also quick to calm down. He's very sensitive to criticism. When my INFP mom tells him what he can improve on and/or tells him he made a mistake, he gets defensive (I don't blame him... unsolicited criticism can really suck).

    Actually he's pretty assertive. He will tell it straight to your face if he needs to. 35 years in the military probably made him like it because you have to be really direct in that situation. However, on other things, he will engage in the informative interaction style. overall, he's not very conflict-avoiding. Oops, that didn't really answer the question. He will let you know he's mad just by the intense vibe he gives off, mild cursing, angry noises, and the frantic pace at which he will finish things.

    I can't relate much to the last question other than the fact that he tells the same jokes and stories a lot, lol

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