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  1. #1
    Junior Member CityLights87's Avatar
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    Default ISFJ - How do I get my Mom Out of the House?!

    Ok, so I know this sounds strange because I'm sure most of these posts are about intimate relationships but, I gotta ask about my mom for a second.

    Even if I weren't living with my parents for the time being, I would still be confused and concerned about the fact that my mom acts like a friggin stepford wife robot. Because she is my mother and raised me great, I just cannot see her like this. She is an ISFJ and EVERYTHING to her is a ROUTINE. She works in a library part time on a very set schedual, which is hardly ever altered and when it is she complains about it. When she gets home at 2:15 (her shift ends at 2) She makes herself lunch brings it into the den and eats while she watches either QVC (that she orders from EVERYDAY), a dumb as hell reality show or a movie that she has seen 10000 times, then she falls asleep on that couch for about 2 hours, when she wakes up she says (every day) "I just passed out, I felt like a brick hit me" (Like it's something new) then she starts making dinner, does not talk at dinner, does all the cleaning, does the laundry for about 3 hours, watches another movie she has seen 10000 times before and finally goes to sleep. Wakes up, does her hair for an hour and a half and repeats the process.

    I want to help her because she is my mom. She has NO asperations, No ambition, No dreams, She is 51 years old and acts like she is 90. She has 1 friend that she sees once every 6 months and another who she doesn't like, that is ALL. My Dad loves her and shows affection but he is an INTJ and does not understand her and I know she does not understand him, everytime they talk it's gossip about the people she works with at the library who she can't stand or complaining about my brother.

    I'd love to see her volunteer at shelters or get involved in a book club, or SOMTHING.....ANYTHING that is kind of a hobby or an activity, the only exercize she gets is putting books away and cleaning our house.

    Any advice from ISFJ's or people who deal with them would be Great!

  2. #2
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Is she unhappy?
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #3
    Junior Member CityLights87's Avatar
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    Default RE: Is she happy?

    I've asked her if she was content and she says yes, but I don't know she seems awfully on edge all the time, like she is just waiting for a fight and she constantly complains, never compliments anyone and always seems annoyed and frustrated yet she would say that she is happy

  4. #4
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    I think you have to take her word for it at the end of the day. If she is content who is to judge her. It is her life and she is happy. End of.

    You could try spiking her drink with LSD, that should bring her out of her shell a little. That is just my silly humour kicking in now, lol
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  5. #5
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CityLights87 View Post
    I've asked her if she was content and she says yes, but I don't know she seems awfully on edge all the time, like she is just waiting for a fight and she constantly complains, never compliments anyone and always seems annoyed and frustrated yet she would say that she is happy
    I don't understand why you would look at someone's daily life and proclaim...you're not happy and this needs fixing because I think so! It's making ME unhappy and I don't believe it when you say I'm happy so get your ass off the couch and do something! But I'm not going to do things with you. I'm not going to suggest things we could do together. I'm just going to bitch until you do something on your own that pleases me.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  6. #6
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    She sounds like the best mom ever!

    If only my INTP mom could be like that...

  7. #7
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JTG1984 View Post
    She sounds like the best mom ever!

    If only my INTP mom could be like that...
    Ohhhh, i can imagine that would be a little conflicting at times.

    Or am i wrong?
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  8. #8
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Don't try to fix people. It never works. Don't ask me how I know this or if I take my own advice.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #9
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CityLights87 View Post
    Ok, so I know this sounds strange because I'm sure most of these posts are about intimate relationships but, I gotta ask about my mom for a second.
    Actually, most complaints posted on the forums about ISFJs are directly or indirectly about their Mom.

    As for your problem with your Mom, what would you like to see her doing that you think would make her happier? What are your ideas?

    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Ohhhh, i can imagine that would be a little conflicting at times.

    Or am i wrong?
    Yeah, I'd think so too.

  10. #10
    Junior Member CityLights87's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Actually, most complaints posted on the forums about ISFJs are directly or indirectly about their Mom.

    As for your problem with your Mom, what would you like to see her doing that you think would make her happier? What are your ideas?



    Yeah, I'd think so too.
    I just hardly ever see her smile, so I thought that her daily (doing not all the much) routine might have something to do with it. My mom smiling, not complaining, complimenting and not getting frustrated or pissed off might reflect her inner happiness. I wish for her happiness. As far as what I think would make her happy, it's more about what I know made her happy in the past, and that is talking with close friends about positive and funny things and helping people. Those are the things that she was doing when I noticed her joy and contentment. But yet I rarely see her do these things, and when she tells me that she is content and happy while she is looking at me like I am challenging her (Which I am not trying to do, but might come across like that and I am working on it), I simply cannot believe it. I have asked other people this question and what they usually tell me are the things that make them happy and the times when they are happy and the things and times when they are not happy. That response seems more genuine to me, my mom's seems like she is trying to convince herself of her happiness. But hey I know I don't know everything either, and I know I am not perfect, I can be a lot happier too, but I am working on it. I just love my mom is all.

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