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  1. #1
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Default For ISxJ females....

    How do you like guys to pursue you?

    That is, what would be the ultimate scenario?

    Generally, how long do you banter before going on to all-out dating?

    Please give as many details as possible. I need help with an ISFJ.

    What would you want out of an ISTJ guy?

    Is your view similar to your ISFJ/ISTJ female counterpart?

    Oh... and try to answer as if the guy were an ISTJ.
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #2
    Twerking & Lurking ayoitsStepho's Avatar
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    ....you need help with an ISFJ?
    so d@v3 IS trying to catch a girlie. you tiger!
    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    ayoitsStepho is becoming someone else. Actually her true self, a rite of passage.

  3. #3
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Aw, the squishy penguin is pursuing a (squishy penguin) ISFJ? Cute!

    How do you like guys to pursue you?
    - Don't be too forward or painfully obvious with your flirting/interest. That turns me off right away. I like to know that a guy is interested in me as a person (read: friend) before he shows any strong romantic interest towards me. So I'd like a guy to pursue me by calling me (not every day, maybe like twice or three times within a 7 day period). Also, by inviting me to join him at an event that he thinks I may like. I also dislike small talk so if a guy calls me, he should actually have something to talk about before calling. Or if he has nothing to talk about when he calls, then she should at least be enough of a stimulating conversationalist so that the conversation doesn't turn awkward. Although, if I really liked him a lot already then I probably would just be happy that he called. Period.

    That is, what would be the ultimate scenario?
    - The ultimate scenario would be hanging out with the guy as friend frequently and getting to know him and talk to him (so that I can evaluate whether or not we're compatible, if he'd be someone I want to date, and how comfortable I feel around him). Then, once I've become to show some subtle interest in him (romantically) by calling him or wanting to spend one-on-one time with him or something else, he would tell me that he likes me and enjoys spending time with me-- directly, taking the initiative.

    Generally, how long do you banter before going on to all-out dating?
    - Until...he takes the initiative to ask me if I want to all-out date. I don't like to make the first move or state my feelings first when I'm unsure about how he feels (which I almost always am, since as an ISTJ, I'm not the best at interpreting those things). I prefer when the guy is honest and direct.

    I know, it's not fair to a guy who's also shy to make him put himself out there first...but if you really want to make her happy (and less stressed out) then you'll do it.

    What would you want out of an ISTJ guy?
    - I would want my ISTJ guy to be thoughtful, sweet, consistent, and understanding. Be patient, but don't wait forever to make your move. If a guy takes too long (and she actually likes you), she may start getting impatient, confused, and a bit frustrated and discouraged.

    Is your view similar to your ISFJ/ISTJ female counterpart?
    - Hmm, I'm not sure. I've actually tested as an ISFJ a few times this year, but I'm 100% sure I'm still an ISTJ (just with a stronger F than before). So I guess my view would be more similar to an ISFJ who has a low F or is borderline. If the girl has a very strong F, then I'm assuming we'd be different in this way:

    When I'm making a decision about whether or not I like someone, I strongly take into account (not only my feelings) but also mutual interests, future potential, etc. If, after all of that thinking, I've decided that he is someone I could see myself married to in the future then I'll be open to a relationship with him. So talking (getting to know his thoughts on various issues and his interests in general) is very important to me. Important, as in, if he doesn't have the values that I'm looking for....despite any feelings, I won't pursue a relationship with him.

    This may just be an ISTJ thing and not an ISFJ thing, I'm not sure though...

  4. #4
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ayoitsStepho View Post
    ....you need help with an ISFJ?
    so d@v3 IS trying to catch a girlie. you tiger!
    I am not tiger! :steam:
    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Aw, the squishy penguin is pursuing a (squishy penguin) ISFJ? Cute!
    :rolli:
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    :rolli:
    Aw, but I meant it in a good way! When you talk about finding a girl, I imagine a cute fluffy penguin waddling over to another fluffy penguin asking her if she likes you or not haha.

  6. #6
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Thank you for answering the OP Autumn.

    A little more on this girl and myself:
    I developed "feelings" for this girl last March. (I made a thread about her) She said it was not a good time because she was just getting out of relationship. So, eventually my "feelings" disappeared. (Which I am good at making them do )

    Anyway, recently she transferred to a university near the one I transferred to. However, she did not like it so she transferred back to our old one. Somehow we got to talking (I think I just randomly texted her and asked her how her new school was, not knowing she had gone back) Then she told me the story of how she hated it.

    Soooo..... last weekend she invited me to go out with a few of our other friends from the old school. I said sure and we all met at a bar. We ended up sitting at a table alone together because all our friends moved to a different (bigger? ) table because more friends showed up. So, the two of us ended up talking for quite a while. We ended up leaving the bar around 2am. Throughout most of our conversation, I had her laughing and smiling.

    On Sunday, two days later, was the next time I had contact with her... I texted her to say hi and ask her how she was feeling (she had a sore throat when we were at the bar) and she said she was a little better and that she would call me later that night. So, she called me last night and we had yet another one of our epic 45 minute conversations until she had to go to bed.

    She said she would text me today unless she forgot. But she never texted me. I thought ISFJ's never forgot? =(

    So, what do all 45 minutes conversations mean? I never talk that long to any females on the phone! And I would say AT LEAST 35 of those 45 minutes I had her laughing. Of course, she had me laughing too.

    I don't know what to think.
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Aw, but I meant it in a good way! When you talk about finding a girl, I imagine a cute fluffy penguin waddling over to another fluffy penguin asking her if she likes you or not haha.
    "Cute?" "Fluffy?!" These are NOT in the ISTJ vocabulary! You really ARE and ISFJ!
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
    Twerking & Lurking ayoitsStepho's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    Thank you for answering the OP Autumn.

    A little more on this girl and myself:
    I developed "feelings" for this girl last March. (I made a thread about her) She said it was not a good time because she was just getting out of relationship. So, eventually my "feelings" disappeared. (Which I am good at making them do )

    Anyway, recently she transferred to a university near the one I transferred to. However, she did not like it so she transferred back to our old one. Somehow we got to talking (I think I just randomly texted her and asked her how her new school was, not knowing she had gone back) Then she told me the story of how she hated it.

    Soooo..... last weekend she invited me to go out with a few of our other friends from the old school. I said sure and we all met at a bar. We ended up sitting at a table alone together because all our friends moved to a different (bigger? ) table because more friends showed up. So, the two of us ended up talking for quite a while. We ended up leaving the bar around 2am. Throughout most of our conversation, I had her laughing and smiling.

    On Sunday, two days later, was the next time I had contact with her... I texted her to say hi and ask her how she was feeling (she had a sore throat when we were at the bar) and she said she was a little better and that she would call me later that night. So, she called me last night and we had yet another one of our epic 45 minute conversations until she had to go to bed.

    She said she would text me today unless she forgot. But she never texted me. I thought ISFJ's never forgot? =(

    So, what do all 45 minutes conversations mean? I never talk that long to any females on the phone! And I would say AT LEAST 35 of those 45 minutes I had her laughing. Of course, she had me laughing too.

    I don't know what to think.
    ok, first take a deep breath.
    now if she doesnt text you its not the end of the world. she could have very well forgotten [i forget]. its very possible too that right now she's in the friend zone. which isnt bad at all. you WANT her to be your best friend. i couldnt say that she likes you or not. but she obviously likes you as a person and friend if she's got into communication with you. so dont loose hope on that. right now i advice you to just play it cool. dont make any sudden moves toward 'liking' and 'not liking'. just try to spend time with her if you can, be there for her, and just talk with her. it seems really early right now to know for sure
    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    ayoitsStepho is becoming someone else. Actually her true self, a rite of passage.

  9. #9
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    Thank you for answering the OP Autumn.
    You're welcome! (<-- a little preview preparing you for Thursday )

    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    A little more on this girl and myself:
    So, the two of us ended up talking for quite a while. We ended up leaving the bar around 2am. Throughout most of our conversation, I had her laughing and smiling.

    So, she called me last night and we had yet another one of our epic 45 minute conversations until she had to go to bed.

    She said she would text me today unless she forgot. But she never texted me. I thought ISFJ's never forgot? =(
    This sounds like she definitely enjoys your company. And that's a good start, even if she's not romantically interested in you yet. Also, I wouldn't worry too much about the text. Even ISFJs can forget sometimes :nod: or maybe she's just thinking about what to say.


    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    So, what do all 45 minutes conversations mean? I never talk that long to any females on the phone! And I would say AT LEAST 35 of those 45 minutes I had her laughing. Of course, she had me laughing too.
    Honestly, I've had 35 minute - 45 minute phone conversations with guys that I'm just friends with before. Although, the fact that I'm able to do that with them (and laugh and have an enjoyable conversation the whole time) definitely makes me consider them a "friend...with romantic potential".

    I would just try to hang out with her more often, talk with her regularly, but also make sure to show subtle romantic interest in her every so often (i.e. flirt) so that you don't get "friendzoned".

    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    "Cute?" "Fluffy?!" These are NOT in the ISTJ vocabulary! You really ARE and ISFJ!
    :steam:

  10. #10
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ayoitsStepho View Post
    ok, first take a deep breath.
    now if she doesnt text you its not the end of the world. she could have very well forgotten [i forget]. its very possible too that right now she's in the friend zone. which isnt bad at all. you WANT her to be your best friend. i couldnt say that she likes you or not. but she obviously likes you as a person and friend if she's got into communication with you. so dont loose hope on that. right now i advice you to just play it cool. dont make any sudden moves toward 'liking' and 'not liking'. just try to spend time with her if you can, be there for her, and just talk with her. it seems really early right now to know for sure
    I HATE waiting. =(

    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    This sounds like she definitely enjoys your company. And that's a good start, even if she's not romantically interested in you yet. Also, I wouldn't worry too much about the text. Even ISFJs can forget sometimes :nod: or maybe she's just thinking about what to say.



    Honestly, I've had 35 minute - 45 minute phone conversations with guys that I'm just friends with before. Although, the fact that I'm able to do that with them (and laugh and have an enjoyable conversation the whole time) definitely makes me consider them a "friend...with romantic potential".

    I would just try to hang out with her more often, talk with her regularly, but also make sure to show subtle romantic interest in her every so often (so that you don't get "friendzoned").
    Friend-zone is BAD
    How long are you labeled at "friend with romantic potential? I am not on call for her.
    So.... you have 35-45 minutes conversations too? Yup, you're an ISFJ.
    So, I'm not too worried about the text, but how long to I wait to contact her again? I was going to ask her to go out this weekend somewhere.... I don't know where yet. I am also unsure on how to ask....
    Subtle romantic gestures? For example.... ________________?

    How do I get myself into these situations? =(
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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