[MBTI General] For ISxJ females....

[d@v3]

How much do you ISxJ's rely on looks vs. personality?

If you meet a guy and he is very nice and kind and gentleman like, but he is not as handsome as you wish he was, would you still give him a chance?

 

[Saslou]

How much do you ISxJ's rely on looks vs. personality?

If you meet a guy and he is very nice and kind and gentleman like, but he is not as handsome as you wish he was, would you still give him a chance?

Oh can i answer please .. OK then

I'll answer your 2nd question first .. Yes, i would give him a chance.

1st question .. Personality is far more important than looks. Looks fade anyway. (says the 30 yr old who is now single, lol)

Am i reading to much into this. Are you saying you are not handsome?
If so, then Mr, i am going to come there and kick your ass personally.
I've seen your pic's .. You are rugged and handsome.

If however i have the wrong end of the stick .. Then apologies

Note - I wouldn't really come and kick your ass .. I would squish you into submission, lol.

 

[d@v3]

Oh can i answer please .. OK then

I'll answer your 2nd question first .. Yes, i would give him a chance.

1st question .. Personality is far more important than looks. Looks fade anyway. (says the 30 yr old who is now single, lol)

Am i reading to much into this. Are you saying you are not handsome?
If so, then Mr, i am going to come there and kick your ass personally.
I've seen your pic's .. You are rugged and handsome.

If however i have the wrong end of the stick .. Then apologies

Note - I wouldn't really come and kick your ass .. I would squish you into submission, lol.

Aww... you did not elaborate much on your answers.

Rugged? Handsome? Are you sure you remember what I look like? I recently posted a picture in my blog if you are wondering.... and I am wearing a tux- as every penguin should.

I was going to say! Why would you want to do violence to me? I thought we had something special? (See "SJ quiz" thread )

 

[AutumnReverie]

How much do you ISxJ's rely on looks vs. personality?

I don't really have a set criteria for the looks department (other than: I would prefer he be taller than me and not overweight), but I do have a set criteria for the personality department. So, I would say my priorities are more with personality than looks. Of course, there still has to be some physical attraction on both sides, but it's not as important to me as his values, belief system, qualities, mutual interests, etc.

For example: In the past, maybe twice, I have rejected guys who (according to other people) were very very attractive because I didn't feel like they were someone I could see myself marrying (they didn't have the personality qualities I desired). Of course, I'm not superwoman, so I didn't reject their advances right away and was blinded by their looks for a short time. But when it was time to actually make a decision, I chose that those personality qualities were more important to me.

Also, in the past, maybe twice, I have rejected guys who were (according to me) just "average" looking or lacking the attraction factor I wanted. However, those guys were also lacking in the personality department (in my opinion) as well. So, my end decision did take looks into account in this case, but was heavily influenced by their personality. If I thought they were just "okay" looking but had all the values and qualities I desired, then I would surely give them a chance.

If you meet a guy and he is very nice and kind and gentleman like, but he is not as handsome as you wish he was, would you still give him a chance?

Yes, I definitely would! Like I said, I don't have an ideal picture in my mind of how "handsome" he should be (other than those two things I mentioned). If I find him attractive at all, and he has a personality I desire (for you, it'd be: nice, kind, gentleman, + similar values) then I would definitely give him a chance!

Plus, I've found that sometimes a person's personality makes them appear more attractive to me overtime. So, if I didn't instantly find him insanely attractive, getting to know him over an extended period of time could change my mind.

I recently posted a picture in my blog if you are wondering.... and I am wearing a tux- as every penguin should.

...I don't see a picture

I will not date a girl unless I see potential marriage material.

This, basically. Only, in my case, replace the word "girl" with the word "guy". Like sas said, looks will fade...

 

[Saslou]

Aww... you did not elaborate much on your answers.

Rugged? Handsome? Are you sure you remember what I look like? I recently posted a picture in my blog if you are wondering.... and I am wearing a tux- as every penguin should.

I was going to say! Why would you want to do violence to me? I thought we had something special? (See "SJ quiz" thread )

Firstly, it would of been much easier had you said, look on page 142
And ... You are still rugged and handsome. I knew from my answer you'd twist what i said and turn it into a negative. :steam: *bad penguin*

OK .. I will elaborate a little then.

Looks Vs Personality - I have a preference, i like men to look like men. Pink t-shirts don't do it for me, lol. I like my man to be stocky (makes me feel protected, but you'll never hear me say that IRL), however, i will fall for the personality first. Afterall we have to talk to get to know each other. If you have no personality then how will that work out in a relationship. It would be pretty boring. So anyway, personality wins over looks (and you should see both my ex's, lol) also maybe it is just me, but when you are so in love with someone, everything about the person shines. It gets all fuzzy.

2nd question - If i am with a bloke who is nice, kind and a gentleman, of course i will give him a chance. Now there is a possibility we may not click thus go our own ways. Have to be realistic. There is no such thing as perfect (i have now just come to find, lol), sometimes you have to trade some things for others .. For example my ex had the most beautiful hands ever (I am a hand freak) yet he smoked dope (which i disliked with a passion) so his fingers would get stained which is not attractive if you are putting your hands over my body *wink* so i looked past the stains as behind that there was something more important.

Am i making sense .. I feel like i have just rambled on and not really made any point. Hmmmm



Now something i have noticed with you .. Your confidence does seem to be picking up. You seem to be getting a little braver and your sense of humour is wicked (in a positive way).

Now please feel free to analyze what i have said, find all the negatives you can and reply.

 

[d@v3]

If I find him attractive at all, and he has a personality I desire (for you, it'd be: nice, kind, gentleman, + similar values) then I would definitely give him a chance!

What are you implying here Autumn?

..I don't see a picture

Here it is: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/864560-post1414.html

This, basically. Only, in my case, substitute the word "girl" for "guy". Like sas said, looks will fade...

Wait, what do you mean?

Firstly, it would of been much easier had you said, look on page 142

Now something i have noticed with you .. Your confidence does seem to be picking up. You seem to be getting a little braver and your sense of humour is wicked (in a positive way).

I am wicked? =( What do you mean in a positive way? Yes, I like to be brave. But what do you mean getting braver? That is a verb, surely you cannot see me doing brave things? I need examples....

Now please feel free to analyze what i have said, find all the negatives you can and reply.

 

[AutumnReverie]

What are you implying here Autumn?

Wait, what do you mean?

Oops, I switched the wrong words.

As in, "I will not date a guy unless I see potential marriage material."

 

[d@v3]

Are you saying you would give me a chance because I am "kind.." (and whatever else you said about me )?

Oops, I switched the wrong words.

As in, "I will not date a guy unless I see potential marriage material."

Oohhh.... okay. I have found however, that this has not worked for me. =( Sometimes I feel like I am so very "picky" that I shall never find a female that meets my standards.

 

[Saslou]

I am wicked? =( What do you mean in a positive way? Yes, I like to be brave. But what do you mean getting braver? That is a verb, surely you cannot see me doing brave things? I need examples....

I said 'In a positive way' as i didn't want you to see the word 'wicked' and turn into something other than what i meant in the first place

Don't go all grammar nazi on me please ..

You are becoming more brave .. You used to be so shy, it looks like you are coming out of your box now.

You are not aware of the impact you have on others .. Look how many people talk and reply to you. Yeah we are all being silly and having fun but that is down to you playing along.

You are such a nice person .. You need to believe in yourself.

 

[AutumnReverie]

Are you saying you would give me a chance because I am "kind.." (and whatever else you said about me )?

Ah, yes, that's what I was saying

Oohhh.... okay. I have found however, that this has not worked for me. =( Sometimes I feel like I am so very "picky" that I shall never find a female that meets my standards.

Yeah, there are times when I've doubted it as well. Times when I've kicked myself because, if I weren't so "picky", then I'd probably be in a relationship right now (or, at least, there would be a higher probability of that happening). However, ultimately, I think it will work out in the end. For me, the whole point of dating is to find someone I can spend the rest of my life with. So, for me, there's no point in dating someone I don't consider "marriage potential" because I don't want to give little intimate pieces of myself to people who I know I'll never be with in the long run (or who I don't want to be with in the long run).

As for the high standards, I don't think anyone should have to settle because that will just create problems in the long run. Of course, like sas said, sometimes compromise is in order. But, for the most important things on your "standards list" (for me, it'd be "values")...those things shouldn't be compromised if you don't want them to. Everyone is different though.


Another factor I consider, as well, is how comfortably I can converse with the person (this is a MAJOR deal-breaker). If we can talk for hours, have fun, and keep each other interested...then that's what I consider "chemistry". If there are tons of awkward silences and the conversation dies out after about 10 minutes, then (even if the guy is nice, kind, etc.) I probably won't pursue.

Of course, I wouldn't base something like that on one encounter (since the guy could always be nervous, shy, etc.) but I would base my assessment on all of our encounters/conversations as a whole.

But it sounds like, for you and this ISFJ, the whole "conversing comfortably for long periods of time" thing is not a problem.

 

[d@v3]

Ah, yes, that's what I was saying

But it sounds like, for you and this ISFJ, the whole "conversing comfortably for long periods of time" thing is not a problem.

Yes, she still has no texted me like she said she would. She has forgotten about me. I talked to her Sunday night... so, I will have to wait until tomorrow to text her? I do not understand the whole waiting thing. =(

 

[AutumnReverie]

Yes, she still has no texted me like she said she would. She has forgotten about me. I talked to her Sunday night... so, I will have to wait until tomorrow to text her? I do not understand the whole waiting thing. =(

Does she usually text you back right away?

As for the waiting... if you want to go ahead and text her today, I don't think that would be a problem.

 

[d@v3]

Does she usually text you back right away?

As for the waiting... if you want to go ahead and text her today, I don't think that would be a problem.

No, I usually have to initiate. She is very shy. .... but then again, so am I.

I don't want to bother her by texting her if she does not want to text me. =( But then again, what if she genuinely forgot? It is a gamble. I do not know what to do.

 

[AutumnReverie]

No, I usually have to initiate. She is very shy. .... but then again, so am I.

I feel for you d@v3, I'm in the exact same situation right now with an INFJ I like. I'm shy and so he is, so I'm the one who usually always initiates any texting. Which makes me feel like I'm annoying him, so I try to only do it once or twice a week (unless we're discussing plans for the weekend, then the conversation requires more texts than that ).

I don't want to bother her by texting her if she does not want to text me. =( But then again, what if she genuinely forgot? It is a gamble. I do not know what to do.

I would definitely text her either today or tomorrow. Just text her something casual like ask how her day is (or if you do it on Wed: ask how her week as been so far ). Maybe even ask if she has plans for the weekend.

By the way, what did the text you sent on Sunday say?

If it's been days since you've texted her, I doubt it'll constitute as bothering her.

 

[d@v3]

Ohhh.... I'm glad I am not alone in the situation.

Yes, we actually talked on the phone for 45 minutes or so on Sunday night, until she had to go to sleep. We just talked about Friday night when we were out together. I wanted to invite her to do something this weekend. Perhaps take her around my school (she is looking for a new school to transfer to ) but I don't know how to bring it up.

So yeah, Sunday night was our last contact, and it ended on a pretty good note [I think] because like I said, I had her laughing almost the whole conversation.

By the way, did you see the thread I dedicated to her last march? I posted it earlier in this thread. That is how things were before we had the 4-5 month gap of not talking.

Also, did you find that picture I said was in my blog? That girl who is standing with me is also an ISTJ.

 

[JTG1984]

How much do you ISxJ's rely on looks vs. personality?

If you meet a guy and he is very nice and kind and gentleman like, but he is not as handsome as you wish he was, would you still give him a chance?

Um I would say looks are very important to an ISFJ. But lucky for us guys, women like all different types of men. Confidence and authenticity would probably do you some good with a ISFJ. Good luck!

 

[AutumnReverie]

I wanted to invite her to do something this weekend. Perhaps take her around my school (she is looking for a new school to transfer to ) but I don't know how to bring it up.

Text: "Hey You're still looking for a new school to transfer to, right? I could show you around my school sometime. Maybe this weekend? "

^ That's probably how I would ask anyways.

By the way, did you see the thread I dedicated to her last march? I posted it earlier in this thread. That is how things were before we had the 4-5 month gap of not talking.

Yeah, I saw. By the way, what made you change your mind about her type? ENFP --> ISFJ is a pretty large jump

Also, did you find that picture I said was in my blog? That girl who is standing with me is also an ISTJ.

I saw it! Haha, how many IRL ISTJ friends do you have? I don't have any...

Confidence and authenticity would probably do you some good with a ISFJ. Good luck!

I agree with this. A good/interesting/intriguing personality, and qualities such as "confidence", will make you appear more attractive to her.

 

[d@v3]

Um I would say looks are very important to an ISFJ. But lucky for us guys, women like all different types of men. Confidence and authenticity would probably do you some good with a ISFJ. Good luck!

I'll keep this in mind.

Text: "Hey You're still looking for a new school to transfer to, right? I could show you around my school sometime. Maybe this weekend? "

^ That's probably how I would ask anyways.


Yeah, I saw. By the way, what made you change your mind about her type? ENFP --> ISFJ is a pretty large jump


I saw it! Haha, how many IRL ISTJ friends do you have? I don't have any...


I agree with this. A good/interesting/intriguing personality, and qualities such as "confidence", will make you appear more attractive to her.

I didn't think I had ANY ISTJ friends in real life.... then I made her take the test.

I will have to ask her that. I thought she was an ENFP because when went out before (in March) she was all the time trying to get me to dance with her and she was ALOT more extraverted when around people....

Then last Friday, I had her take the test and she got ISFJ.

Yeah, hmmm confidence.... how do I show I have confidence without coming onto her too strong and scaring her off?

 

[AutumnReverie]

I thought she was an ENFP because when went out before (in March) she was all the time trying to get me to dance with her and she was ALOT more extraverted when around people....

Then last Friday, I had her take the test and she got ISFJ.

I originally mistyped my interest as well. I thought he was an IxFJ, but I was very heavily leaning more towards SFJ. He took the test, and it turns out he is NFJ.

Yeah, hmmm confidence.... how do I show I have confidence without coming onto her too strong and scaring her off?

Confidence about how much she likes you/getting her: might be coming on too strong and might scare her off

Confidence in yourself (nothing to do with her. just about how you view yourself and how sure you are of your personality, your beliefs, and how you carry yourself, etc.): Will attract her

 

[d@v3]

What do you mean how I carry myself? I always carry myself in a gentleman-like fashion. I [usually] open doors for girls and such... and I am always nice.

Although, I am quiet. That is bad? =(