[MBTI General] For ISxJ females....

[Lambchop]

Awww...I looked at your picture...you are too cute!!

I will try to answer some of the questions you asked, but I can't remember them all.

I LOVE a guy who can make me laugh. That is what hooked me in with my husband when we were dating. I was always laughing when I was with him, and laughing denotes a good time to me. Over time, we started to have all these private jokes with each other that I would end up laughing over even when we weren't together.

I like a guy to pursue me. But too much pursuit and I get annoyed. Too little pursuit and I get bored. The whole dating thing is so frustrating and I SO feel your pain. I too, can read your thought process and relate it to mine. Like the others, I would have to tell you to relax a little too. Try to be more confident. And although we ISFJs can definitely tell if someone is being fake, we are also good at sensing whether someone is geniune deep down. The saying "Fake it till you make it" is a good one. I guarantee that she knows that you are genuine. So, if you fake confidence until you actually feel it, I doubt she will see it as you being fake. Some confidence is attractive to me. I don't like arrogance at all, but I like guys who know they have something to offer.

Friendly banter and flirting are great. Although attraction to someone is important physically, personality can definitely overcome physical flaws. My husband and I have been together for over 3 years and we still do the banter -- we make fun of each other and will be antagonistic and playful...and it helps keep the spark going. When I'm dating, I like being teased...and teasing back. I also like someone that I can switch over and have a deep conversation with (like 45 minute ones!!) Someone who is confident enought to tease me is attractive to me. My husband is the nicest guy ever, but he can hold his own in a bantering session or debate and that is attractive to me.

I do believe that a friendship can be lit on fire and become a relationship. My husband and I are best friends. I don't like someone who is easy to get though. I like some mystery. I tend to like quiet guys because even if they aren't mysterious, the apperance of mystery is there.

Try to remember that she's not the only girl out there and keep yourself busy. But, I think it is in your best interest to make it clear that you are interested, if you are. There is such a thing as being TOO nice. Try not to be timid or show fear or nervousness too much. We want to know that you are confident enough to go after what you want.

You have a great personality my friend...and you are adorable...you have EVERY reason to be confident.

 

[d@v3]

Awww...I looked at your picture...you are too cute!!

Which one?

You have a great personality my friend...and you are adorable...you have EVERY reason to be confident.

Apparently she does not think so.


If what you say is true, then I do not understand why she does not want me? The bantering.... then the quick switch to deep 45min. conversation.... then back to bantering for an hour.... that is all there! I am all the time making her laugh. I just don't get it. =(

Was I right to tell her to call me when she wasn't busy and wanted to hang out?

 

[Habba]

She said this weekend she was too busy so maybe another time. *shrug* I told her to call when she wasn't busy (which I'm not very optimistic about). Oh well.

I skipped a good part of this topic, but I'd like to comment this one.

If you ask someone to do something with you, and they have to reject your offer, their answer tells quite a lot about their interest towards you. If her answer was just "Sorry, I'm too busy... maybe some other time?" then it just sounds like she'd be prolonging it indifferently. It would be nice if she has nothing else to do, but she wouldn't miss it.

Remember, being busy is just about priorization. We are never too busy to breath, because it's super important. So, we always have time for what we consider important.

 

[d@v3]

Exacly, Habba. Hence I why I believe she is not busy, and she just doesn't feel that it is important enough.

 

[Giggly]

She texted me back last night and said she thought it would be better if we 'chatted' another night because she was pretty busy.

I just said "okay, talk to you another night. "

Pro tip: Never ask a girl for permission first to call her. Just call her. This shows confidence.

She said this weekend she was too busy so maybe another time. *shrug* I told her to call when she wasn't busy (which I'm not very optimistic about). Oh well.

What were you wanting her to do with you?

 

[d@v3]

Pro tip: Never ask a girl for permission first to call her. Just call her. This shows confidence.

But... I asked her to call me. So, technically would that mean I showed too much confidence?

What were you wanting her to do with you?

Well, previously she had said she wanted to see my school and I offered to show her around campus on some weekend. So, I figure we would do that... and afterwards do something.

 

[Giggly]

But... I asked her to call me. So, technically would that mean I showed too much confidence?

Hmm, I'm probably misunderstanding how things happened. In the message I quoted from you above, I thought you said you texted her wanting (requesting) to chat with her? I am assuming by "chat" you mean on the telephone?

Well, previously she had said she wanted to see my school and I offered to show her around campus on some weekend. So, I figure we would do that... and afterwards do something.

Okay. Well, I wouldn't take her being busy too seriously. If she's really a strong SJ, you should ask her to do that maybe a little more ahead of time, as she may have already made plans for the weekend on the night before the weekend begins.

 

[Lambchop]

Instead of having her call you, why don't you tell her that you'll call her? Then you have control over it and you're not sitting around waiting? If she's busy one weekend, ask her for a date the next weekend, with a specific day and time.

I think you are being too timid, myself. If you want to get out of the waiting pergatory, be more aggressive. If she just likes you as a friend, wouldn't you rather know...so you can move on? She is an introvert too, she's not going to give too much away at first. I think your timidness is putting you in the friend zone. Plan a date and ask her out. If she's busy this weekend, ask her for next weekend. Make it clear that it's a date. If she is still lukewarm towards you, you will know that you've been put in the friend zone. Instead of playing the guessing game, put yourself out there. If you get rejected by her, it just means that she's not the right one for you. It's not the end of the world if she's not. You move on then and eventually you will find the right one.

As an ISFJ, I would want you to ask me out on a date and have a plan. I would want you to expect me to take you seriously. I wouldn't like it if you hung out in the shadows and were too timid or afraid to make your move. If that were the case, I would automatically put you in the friend zone.

Another little piece of advice. Stop all the texting. Texting is fun sometimes to flirt or when you're in a defined relationship, but hiding behind texting is not good. Don't text for a date. Call her. Put yourself out there.

 

[d@v3]

Hmm, I'm probably misunderstanding how things happened. In the message I quoted from you above, I thought you said you texted her wanting (requesting) to chat with her? I am assuming by "chat" you mean on the telephone?

Well, I texted her, and asked what she was up to. She said she was studying. So, I told her "so, how about taking a break in a little bit to talk to your buddy dave? " Then she said "I think we should chat another night, I'm really busy tonight".

Okay. Well, I wouldn't take her being busy too seriously. If she's really a strong SJ, you should ask her to do that maybe a little more ahead of time, as she may have already made plans for the weekend on the night before the weekend begins.

Yeah, I don't know. I just feel like I'm beating a dead horse if I asked her out again. Maybe I should just ask her Wednesday about what she is doing on the weekend?

Instead of having her call you, why don't you tell her that you'll call her? Then you have control over it and you're not sitting around waiting? If she's busy one weekend, ask her for a date the next weekend, with a specific day and time.

I think you are being too timid, myself. If you want to get out of the waiting pergatory, be more aggressive. If she just likes you as a friend, wouldn't you rather know...so you can move on? She is an introvert too, she's not going to give too much away at first. I think your timidness is putting you in the friend zone. Plan a date and ask her out. If she's busy this weekend, ask her for next weekend. Make it clear that it's a date. If she is still lukewarm towards you, you will know that you've been put in the friend zone. Instead of playing the guessing game, put yourself out there. If you get rejected by her, it just means that she's not the right one for you. It's not the end of the world if she's not. You move on then and eventually you will find the right one.

As an ISFJ, I would want you to ask me out on a date and have a plan. I would want you to expect me to take you seriously. I wouldn't like it if you hung out in the shadows and were too timid or afraid to make your move. If that were the case, I would automatically put you in the friend zone.

Another little piece of advice. Stop all the texting. Texting is fun sometimes to flirt or when you're in a defined relationship, but hiding behind texting is not good. Don't text for a date. Call her. Put yourself out there.

Yeah well, I myself am not a fan of texting. :steam: But for some reason people just LOVE it, so instead of paying per text I get I had to get a plan.

I don't think I've been hanging out in the shadows. I have made numerous attempts to talk to her and she always says she is busy! I mean, before the bar everything was going well, then after the bar she is all the time saying she is too busy to talk! =(

What do you mean make it clear it is a date?

I should call her just "out of the blue" without warning? I have ever tried that and I never got an answer.

 

[Giggly]

I'm all out of ideas now.

 

[d@v3]

I'm all out of ideas now.

How do I get myself into these situations?

 

[Lambchop]

So, I told her "so, how about taking a break in a little bit to talk to your buddy dave? "

You are putting yourself in the friend zone there! Don't say "your buddy Dave."

I just feel like I'm beating a dead horse if I asked her out again. Maybe I should just ask her Wednesday about what she is doing on the weekend?

Take initiave and get some time planned with her. Stop the maybes and analyzing and just do it! This is what I mean by being in the shadows. Get out there and say what you want! Stop being afraid of her.

Yeah well, I myself am not a fan of texting. :steam: But for some reason people just LOVE it, so instead of paying per text I get I had to get a plan.

What do you mean make it clear it is a date?

Say "Would you like to go out on a DATE on Saturday night? There is such and such band in town and I'd like to get tickets and take you." That's pretty cut and dried.

I should call her just "out of the blue" without warning? I have ever tried that and I never got an answer.

Yes, call her out of the blue! If she doesn't answer, leave a voicemail. Tell her to call you back. Or tell her you want to see if she's available for a date next Saturday. If she doesn't call you back, or says she's busy...then she's not interested.

I think you don't want to hear that she's not interested because that would mean rejection. So you are dancing around the edges and hoping she gets a hint of what you want, so you don't have to put yourself out there. That's not going to get you anywhere.

Dude, if all else fails...just ask her if she thinks you two can be more than friends or if she's interested in you or whatever you want to know. Just point blank. You are driving yourself nuts trying to analyze it and being way too passive.

I love my husband to bits, but I have said the same thing to him that I'm saying to you...and hopefully you don't take it the wrong way...cuz I think you are wonderful. But --- dude, grow a pair! The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

 

[d@v3]

Yeah... well. Last time I "grew a pair" with this girl I got rejected... so yes, I am approaching a bit more cautiously. I'll call her Wednesday and ask her if she is available on Saturday.

I'm not too sure if I'm THAT interested in her either... I mean to keep pursuing her. There are other girls also, her and I definitely have a different view on life and on SOME of our values. (But not enough to keep me from asking her on a date)

 

[AutumnReverie]

So, what ended up happening d@v3? Are you two or did you two do something this weekend?

 

[d@v3]

Nothing happened. It's pretty much back the way it was... before I made this thread and before we hung out at the bar. Oh well.... story of my life. :rolli:

 

[AutumnReverie]

So she said "no" when you called/texted her on Wed. asking her about Saturday plans? Or she said she "wasn't ready" for a relationship right now, after you told her how you felt?

 

[d@v3]

I never got back to her Wednesday. I texted her last night to see what she was doing tonight... but of course.... you know what the answer was.

On Wednesday I thought I was going to be busy this weekend, but apparently not.

 

[Warm]

I never got back to her Wednesday. I texted her last night to see what she was doing tonight... but of course.... you know what the answer was.

On Wednesday I thought I was going to be busy this weekend, but apparently not.

Ya know, a lot of guys think that they should wait DAYS before contacting a female so that they don't seem so desperate. In actuality, those DAYS make many females think that the guy is not interested, so if they happen to contact the females after DAYS, the females tend to drop them for playing games. Okay, I can't speak for ALL females, but it happens.

 

[d@v3]

But. She all the time says no! It does not matter when I call her it is always the same answer! =(

 

[AutumnReverie]

But. She all the time says no! It does not matter when I call her it is always the same answer! =(

Aw that's too bad, d@v3. =( Hopefully things will go better with the next girl you pursue!