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Thread: Indecisive ISTJ

  1. #11
    Senior Member FallaciaSonata's Avatar
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    If there weren't any grammatical errors in the world....we would have nothing left to correct. How tedious would that become?


    Always remember to flank your enemies. History won't remember how dramatic your failed frontal assault looked. - Dragon Age: Origins

  2. #12
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Hmm, after not speaking with him for about a day and a half, he invited me to movies and to hang out. I did it but didn't show affection towards him. Slowly, he started putting his arm around me or holding my hand. I just kinda let him take control in how to move things forward. A couple days later, without me knowing why or even understanding what could have possibly changed, he said he wants to give us a chance and he thinks we could work out in the end. He wants us not to do anything physical so we can focus on building our relationship...

    do you think he's sincere? Did I miraculous win him back without effort? Or do you think in a couple months he'll go back to his old Si idea that we'll never work?

    ????

  3. #13
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Common trend here seems to be that he wants you to stay in his life.
    Previous "not committing to relationship" = afraid it will end in disaster and you will not be part of his life after that.
    Now asking for renewed relationship = directly asking you to be part of his life.

    It's a crazy thing to try to guess, but...well that's what I've got.

    When you write "I did, but didn't show affection toward him," was that something new and sudden you were trying, or was that normal for you?
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  4. #14
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    When you write "I did, but didn't show affection toward him," was that something new and sudden you were trying, or was that normal for you?
    firstly, Cimarron, all of the advice you've been giving to me since I've been apart of the board has been so helpful! Thanks!!

    ANYHOO...

    I took all I had in me to turn off every bit of Feeling I have and just not show affection. It was something I had to do. I wasn't mean or cold, I just didn't give him that Ga-Ga look that I always do when I'm around him.

    Yesterday night, he came over and we watched some TV. Things were fine, and we were having a good time together. Still no physically affection aside from little kisses. THEN--- he asked me to officially be his girlfriend and took it back... All within a matter of 20 seconds...

    What in the world.

    This time he started talking about how he's not in love with me now,
    I tried to explain that if we start to exclusively date again, I'm not saying we need to get married tomorrow. He says that he thinks we should.. if we've been "together" for 5 years, we either need to break our ways or get married (we're both at the age where marriage should be in our near future)

    then he questions how much he loved me before in the past when we dated (we dated for nearly 3 years exclusively). He says what if what he felt wasn't as strong as love is supposed to be. What if there's something more that neither of us have experienced because we can't break away from eachother long enough to try. I told him to think about what he wants because I'd rather him be sure and give me an answer than keep taking things back.

    [flashback] when we first dated, I told me he loved me and took it back two separate times before he was sure he 'truly' loved me.

    I guess this makes me ask.. what is an ISTJ's view of love? Is Love purely Logical to them?

  5. #15
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post

    I guess this makes me ask.. what is an ISTJ's view of love? Is Love purely Logical to them?
    Love isn't purely logical, because there are emotions experienced, but since we are primarily logical in our approach to things (it has to make sense), he doesn't want to say he loves you or he's in love because those things are hard to define.


    Love's a hard thing for us ISTJs. Being that we aren't led by feelings, when they do come around, it's hard for us to deal with. Some of them are easy to identify, but when it comes to love, we are baffled. I mean if somebody slaps me, and I get angry, it's because they put their hand to my face. EASY. But if what you say or what you do affects me like no one else, it's HARD to deal with.

    I know personally I can't say that I'm in love with my girlfriend. Do I love her? Yes. I know I do because I will do stuff for her that I would do for no one else. I think about her a lot. She has an affect on my feelings, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. It took me a while to realize that I did love her, but until I got these type of definitions, I couldn't answer that.

    Am I in love with her? I don't know. I know that ISTJs aren't comfortable with that 'you'll know when you are' or 'if you have to ask you aren't' answers because they defy all that we stand for. They have no basis, nothing concrete.

    I struggle with that from time to time. Since I'm don't know if I'm in love, since I know sometimes I don't want to deal with her touchy feely needs, since I sometimes don't want to be bothered with her, I conclude I'm not in love, or I don't truly love her. I think that to be in love I need to feel that way all the time. But it's impossible for me to be myself and be totally into another person all the time. My best barometer is her, actually. If she's happy, then I know I'm doing my part. I'm by no means perfect, but I'm willing to work. For her. That's how I convince myself that I love her.

  6. #16
    Senior Member FallaciaSonata's Avatar
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    I have to agree with that. Although I have little experience in this particular realm, I still find those definitions to be the most easily understood.

    To me, I would imagine (key word, imagine) that love is a form of devotion and commitment. Like anything else in life, you love what you spend your time doing, what you invest your time/energy/money and entire being into.

    ....so I guess if a woman meets those criteria, then I guess I'm "in love".

    Always remember to flank your enemies. History won't remember how dramatic your failed frontal assault looked. - Dragon Age: Origins

  7. #17
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FallaciaSonata View Post
    If I were in his situation....





    On another note, (this may or may not be helpful) I have noticed that there are certain people I am compelled to talk to, and I don't know if it would be out of morbid curiosity, or what, but I find that I generally dislike them. But I still want to know how they think, and what makes them tick. Even though I don't like their way of doing things.

    I'm the same way. It's weird.

  8. #18
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    + 1. I'm an ISTJ and I have had friends and family members ask me that in the past too ("how did you feel when we weren't hanging out?"). And I've replied "I was fine" on more than one occasion as well. In my case, it didn't have anything to do with how much I cared for the person. Usually when a person is gone and I'm doing other things then I'm occupied with those other things. Then when the person comes back and we hang out again, I'll think to myself "I love spending time with him/her!"

    However, if it's a person I'm romantically interested in...I do tend to keep that person in the back of my mind always. But still, I would be functioning normally while they were gone and therefore might still reply "I was fine" in complete honesty. As in "I was fine (i.e. not an emotional wreck) while you were gone, but I'm glad to be spending time with you now that you're here again".
    Again, this is how I am. I think some people take it that you don't care if you don't actively think about that person, meaning, some people will think of a person and email them/call them to say they were thinking them. As an ISTJ I will think about you, a good thought, but then carry on with whatever is in front of me.

    I think we have to spell these little nuances out to our SOs so that they are aware that it's nature and nothing else.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Amusing... Enneagram 6 people. Doubting their own emotions since there's nothing else to compare it against.

    You can love someone very much, but is it in love with the person? One can be applied to very deep friendship, the other is seen as being romantic. When you say you are happy with the idea of getting married with someone, is that the same thing as saying you want to get married with someone? It doesn't feel like it.

    You can devote your life towards someone, because it's easy to do so. But is that really what you want to do? Or because it's already there. =O

    Enneagram 6 musings xD

  10. #20
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Exactly and how does one go about figuring out which they stand for? Or do they never?

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