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  1. #1
    Senior Member penelope's Avatar
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    Default INxJ majorly clashing with ESFJ roommate!

    And it's driving me crazy!

    I have no idea how to deal with her. Any suggestions on how to handle the ESFJ? Especially from a roommate's perspective?

  2. #2
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    And it's driving me crazy!

    I have no idea how to deal with her. Any suggestions on how to handle the ESFJ? Especially from a roommate's perspective?
    Ooh, leave handling the ESFJ's to me!

    She will no doubt listen to you in normal conversation. It may help a lot to get each other on a base of respect. Acknowledging and accepting you two are different is the first step to charming an ESFJ.

    I find ESFJ's to be the most unreasonable and stubborn sort of people in most arguements. But in a cute way. I admire their persistance. And they usually don't mean harm at all. They're just, outspoken. If you can accept that and live with that. Maybe brush it of with humor and try to have some laughs. You'll be perfectly capable of living together.

    Just get on a common ground in normal conversation first. Trying to understand why you two are the way you are. ESFJ's are full of potential respect, but you do have to tap into it first.

    edit: Either way, they seem impossible creatures sometimes, especially towards us N's. But they're still quite warm on the inside.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  3. #3
    Senior Member Kangol's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    Ooh, leave handling the ESFJ's to me!

    She will no doubt listen to you in normal conversation. It may help a lot to get each other on a base of respect. Acknowledging and accepting you two are different is the first step to charming an ESFJ.

    I find ESFJ's to be the most unreasonable and stubborn sort of people in most arguements. But in a cute way. I admire their persistance. And they usually don't mean harm at all. They're just, outspoken. If you can accept that and live with that. Maybe brush it of with humor and try to have some laughs. You'll be perfectly capable of living together.

    Just get on a common ground in normal conversation first. Trying to understand why you two are the way you are. ESFJ's are full of potential respect, but you do have to tap into it first.

    edit: Either way, they seem impossible creatures sometimes, especially towards us N's. But they're still quite warm on the inside.
    This approach works well for me too, but I wonder if that's because we're Ps, not J. I'd think it more challenging for the a J to overlook the differences and focus on other approaches to relate.

    Not trying to demean penelope, of course, and if we had more info on the situation we could probably give a better sense of direction with advice. I had an INTJ and ESFJ roommate who were pretty much best friends since high school. They related intensely on their passion for fitness and code of respect. However, the INTJ roommate liked to tell the ESFJ what he should do, and the ESFJ would sometimes stubbornly go against him, albeit in a very friendly and docile way.

    I found it easier to relate intellectually with the INTJ, but would sometimes butt heads with him when my persistence to rationality equaled his (he once outright told me he was upset at me because I kept disagreeing with him). It was easier to get along with the ESFJ since we mutually focused on seeing where we relate.

    My advice would be similar to Fluffywolf's, with the added suggestion that you use your N to see the ways in which your relationship can at least be mutually beneficial, if even on a superficial level. If you can get to the point where you're not butting heads and instead able to tolerate each other, then you could perhaps understand the ESFJ's perspective in an empathetic manner. Keep in mind that relationships with others aren't made by bending one's will over the other; that would be employment. It may be unfair to have to be the one to compromise, but someone's gotta take the step forward and it will be the one who can see the situation as a whole.

  4. #4
    Senior Member TSDesigner's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    And it's driving me crazy!
    I have no idea how to deal with her. Any suggestions on how to handle the ESFJ? Especially from a roommate's perspective?
    How is she driving you crazy? What does she do?
    Is this in a college dorm or an apartment?

  5. #5
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Can you be more specific? This is very vague.
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  6. #6
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wrldisquiethere View Post
    Can you be more specific? This is very vague.
    Yeah, it kinda is. I just used my Ti to fill in the gaps I suppose. :P
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  7. #7
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Are you leaning more towards NF or NT as that is going to make so much difference here?

    NTJ's - 100% respect they'd get from me but as someone else mentioned, forcefully tell me what to do and you'll piss me off .. Tell me why it is in my best interest and i'll go and mull it over. Love the no bullshit approach so happy days.

    NFJ's - Hmmmmm. Sensitive and more so than myself which is scary.

    I'll wait to find out more info before i go on with this.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

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