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Thread: regrets for an ISTJ (sleeping with one's ex)

  1. #31
    Member Array Dizzy's Avatar
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    Feb 2008


    Thing is he would have found it out anyway, it's like unavoidable. Imagine then how he would feel, things would be much worse...

    Still think this is the best thing...

  2. #32
    Senior Member Array Lambchop's Avatar
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    Aug 2009


    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    I think this is the interesting part. Two years in separation is a separation! Whatever happens after two years of separation is none of the exs' problems.

    If I would hook up with someone's ex, I wouldn't tell him. Not because I would be trying to hide anything, but because it's none of their business. ISTJs might feel bad if one of their friends would hook up with their ex, but that's really because of ISTJs common inability to let go of the past.

    So if that guy got upset because of someone he knew was with his ex, then it's his attitude problem, not your loyalty problem.

    So, in my personal opinion, you have done nothing wrong, except brought the issue on your friend. He didn't need to know. It's really a matter between you and the girl.

    But for ISTJ's sense of loyalty. It goes incredible distances.
    I agree with Habba here.

    You are being too hard on yourself! It's good to hold yourself to high standards, but everyone makes mistakes. I found it funny that you needed to point out the things you usually have under control, like working out. Life is can't control everything all the time. Even if you regret it (which I think you have no reason's none of their business) and stepped outside the boundaries you set for yourself, you did what you thought was right to rectify let it go. The manipulative text needs to be ignored. It's over..don't waste your time feeling bad. You are still a good person.

  3. #33
    Member Array Dizzy's Avatar
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    Feb 2008


    hehe thanks, slowly but surely start to feel better...
    I talked to the girl today, she's doing ok, kinda upset that her ex is making a big deal of things. She told me she'd would consider a repetition, if things weren't so complicated. I was wise enough not to answer...

    like the replies and the different angles!

  4. #34
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    549 sx/sp
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
    I know her ex, he's a friend of friends, know him pretty well, meet him every other week on these parties. I know the both of them since they are apart. I know since they broke up they still met occasionally, but that has ended for as far as I know.
    Anyway just got this text message: lost my best friend (her), she is not slut you can take whenever you feel like it...

    I'm sorry. That seems horribly unfair.

    I have enough close relationships with ISxJ people that I "get it" and have a feel for it even though I don't understand it, especially with the sense that you felt like as long as you controlled the situation you were good, and as soon as you let go, look what happened, so you should never let go again.

    But honestly, she made decisions and you made decisions.
    You are not responsible for her decisions.
    You just are responsible for what you choose... and she choose to involve you in this way, so now it's her issue to work out with her ex.

    have to admit that his text response sounds rather admonishing to you, not just to her. Since they're "exes", technically his opinions have no bearing on who she chooses to involve herself with.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

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