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  1. #71
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Must be an F thing to become in love with someone who understands you.


  2. #72
    Senior Member Lambchop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ozz View Post
    I am opinionated about things that I have thought through and I am pretty sure I can back it up with some facts. The fact the feelings may be hurt doesn't cross my mind at the point as I believe they are better off knowing it.

    How would a more sensitive person deal with it? Find a gentle way to say it out after the fact?
    It depends on what it is, Ozz. Do you have an example?

  3. #73
    Senior Member Lambchop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    Must be an F thing to become in love with someone who understands you.
    You don't want to be understood? Are you speaking specifically about something?

  4. #74
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    I'm just noticing a tendency with feelers that when someone elaborates on something that explains the feeler's thought process, the feeler begins to admire said person very intensely. It's not that I don't want to be understood, it's just that when someone is able to understand me, I look for more of what the understanding will lead to and how it can help the situation. The main appeal of understanding for me is to just reduce ambiguity.


  5. #75
    Senior Member Lambchop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    I'm just noticing a tendency with feelers that when someone elaborates on something that explains the feeler's thought process, the feeler begins to admire said person very intensely. It's not that I don't want to be understood, it's just that when someone is able to understand me, I look for more of what the understanding will lead to and how it can help the situation. The main appeal of understanding for me is to just reduce ambiguity.
    I think I admire anyone who is willing to share themselves openly in a positive way. If I feel (there's that word again!) like people are being helpful, I admire them and appreciate them. And it's subjective...I admit it. When I post something and other people respond to try to help me understand something, I really appreciate it.

    Would you agree with Ts being more "rational" than F's? Is that what you mean? Because I could see that.

    I've recently decided that I hold grudges more than I think I do. My husband's sister, who I feel betrayed me at one point...went to the ER yesterday. When my husband told me...instead of saying "Is she okay?", I said "What's wrong with her?" and realized that I didn't care that much. I thought I'd forgiven and moved on...but apparently not. I need to work on that!

  6. #76
    Senior Member FallaciaSonata's Avatar
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    Uh....Hey Giggly, did you mis-quote someone else? I think my name is on something I didn't say in one of your posts. Might want to check that.



    I've recently decided that I hold grudges more than I think I do. My husband's sister, who I feel betrayed me at one point...went to the ER yesterday. When my husband told me...instead of saying "Is she okay?", I said "What's wrong with her?" and realized that I didn't care that much. I thought I'd forgiven and moved on...but apparently not. I need to work on that!
    I don't think that denotes a grudge.... Well, for me, it doesn't. Might sound a bit cold, but in those types of situations I would ask "What happened", or "What's wrong with the person", before I ask "Are they okay?".

    Maybe it's my inherent curiosity. Maybe it's Si, wanting to compare it to something I've seen before. Who knows.

    I do know, though, that I'm far too lazy to hold a grudge. Way too much useless effort right there.

    Always remember to flank your enemies. History won't remember how dramatic your failed frontal assault looked. - Dragon Age: Origins

  7. #77
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FallaciaSonata View Post
    Uh....Hey Giggly, did you mis-quote someone else? I think my name is on something I didn't say in one of your posts. Might want to check that.
    Huh?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lambchop View Post
    I've recently decided that I hold grudges more than I think I do. My husband's sister, who I feel betrayed me at one point...went to the ER yesterday. When my husband told me...instead of saying "Is she okay?", I said "What's wrong with her?" and realized that I didn't care that much. I thought I'd forgiven and moved on...but apparently not. I need to work on that!
    Grudges do take a lot of effort, but they do happen sometimes. I think ISFJs are prone to them because of the strong dislike of conflict combined with being horribly sensitive that can easily make for some massive resentment building up. I'm not sure what the solution to that is besides developing a thick skin, more confidence, and expressing your feelings more.

    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    I'm just noticing a tendency with feelers that when someone elaborates on something that explains the feeler's thought process, the feeler begins to admire said person very intensely. It's not that I don't want to be understood, it's just that when someone is able to understand me, I look for more of what the understanding will lead to and how it can help the situation. The main appeal of understanding for me is to just reduce ambiguity.
    I like making connections with people and it helps a lot to be understood and accepted.

  8. #78
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Here's a funny difference I noticed between Fe and Te.

    I'm at my friend's place, and we are about to go get some food from a nearby store. It's fall, so temperature outside can be almost anything (you never know if it's warm or cold out there). So we each have to make a mental decision how much clothes are we about to wear. Will T-shirt be just fine, or should a warm jacket be considered?

    This is how we make our decisions:

    Te (me). I take note of what time of the year it is. September is warmer than October but colder than August. So I should more clothes than I used to wear last month. I take a loot at the thermometer. It tells me it's 13 degrees of celcius (about 55 fahrenheit). Compared to my previous experiences (this is actully a Si part of the process), anything below 15 degrees (59 fahrenheit) is bit too cold for just a t-shirt. So I should put on little bit more than just a t-shirt. It's september, so some long sleeved shirt will do.

    So I base my decision on external criteria (thermometer) and apply that data to my previous experiences of the weather.

    Now, my friend uses his Fe to make a decision. Rather than having made some categories of warmthness based solely on the temperature, he rather looks outside of his windows and makes a quick study what others are wearing. "Hmm... I see one T-shirt on a fat guy, couple of youngsters with a jacket and a lady with coat. It's probably very cold then. I should get my jacket".

    But of course, I think he might have some other criterias besides just staying warm. He might for an example want to blend in crowd too... Perhaps he wouldn't want to draw attention to himself because of a differing outfit.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  9. #79
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    On days that I'm not sure, it works like this: I go outside and see how it feels. Then I go inside and go to weather.com. I see the temperature it is right now. I then look at the high for today and base the clothes I wear right now and the clothes I take with me on something that's a middle ground without focusing too much on the weather right now and the weather later in the day. That's because I have a lot of experience putting heavy clothing on in the morning for cold weather just for it to get hot in the afternoon.

    Some more examples:

    For instance, I love when I have a list of things to do, ordering them sequentially in a fashion that gets them done the most efficiently. The most common way of doing this that I like doing the most is having to go to multiple places. Say for example, that I'm at work, and I have a pile of clothes that I need to bring over to other departments. I have an item from the Ladies' department, an item from Shoes, an item from Home, and an item from Juniors. My first instinct is to figure out where I am moving to, aka which action am I taking. I just do it subconsciously. I'm not sure how others do it, but I would figure that, going across the store to Ladies, then circling back to Shoes, then walking over to the Home department, then from Home to Juniors, then from Juniors back to the Men's department is the shortest trip.

    I figure out in my head in the quickest way to get what I need done by finding the shortest method. I do this *all* the time when I'm driving to multiple places. I plan out a list in my head of where to go sequentially so that I drive the least amount of time. This is why I love my GPS so much. It's so freaking awesome for being able to give me the shortest way to a destination.

    Another example is how I decide when to speak or if to speak. My English teacher has noted that I seem to be very aware of what I'm saying, and I told her that it's pretty automatic for me to think about how others will take what I say. She said that was very kind of me, but she's an ISFJ. I don't do it because I'm being considerate of others' feelings. If I want to say something, I think first of how someone will react, because if they will react emotionally or get upset, I just won't speak because I don't want to deal with it. Unless what I say is needed to reach a specific goal, it's just unnecessary and I can't justify something. I'd just be saying it to provoke an emotional response, and to me, that's very...empty.

    Some more examples...let's see. This one, I thought of yesterday while I was driving. I was listening to this romantic song on my iPod that I absolutely love. It made me think of this girl that I'm just crazy for, and I'm sure for others, listening to a romantic song while thinking of someone special makes the feelings 10x more intense. However, I stopped myself right there. I immediately asked myself, "Are these feelings for her real inside of me? Is this song giving me a false impression of my feelings because of the correlation between the song and my situation? How do I really feel about her on a real level, without something else affecting it? How practical is a potential relationship with her? Are the feelings reciprocated?"

    One more. I recently stopped trying to lose weight because I reached around 175 lbs. So, I'm now trying to see how many extra snacks I can eat without gaining weight. I tried for a month and I'm about holding steady. I'm not 100% sure on what's going on, but my weight is safe for the most part after experimenting. However, after the month, I feel a lack of stability in my diet. I'm going after things randomly just because I want to, and I feel like I'm reacting to each day. So, the last few days, I've been trying to think of an actual plan to allow me to have extra things while still giving me a sense of stability and maintaining my weight.

    My logic for this was: Does eating these extra things actually matter to me? Am I doing it because it's the general thing in society to do eat high calorie snacks just for fun? I need to stop and make a plan that allows me to have the things that matter to me. These little snacks don't do much for me except give me fulfillment in the moment. However, what's actually important to me is what's in a few months: Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, I'll have to force a larger amount of control for the time being to prepare for the winter holidays. That was a lot of Fi, actually. I stopped to ask myself what actually mattered to me outside of following the routine (Si) and what was being done commonly by other people (Te).


  10. #80
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    Here's a funny difference I noticed between Fe and Te.

    I'm at my friend's place, and we are about to go get some food from a nearby store. It's fall, so temperature outside can be almost anything (you never know if it's warm or cold out there). So we each have to make a mental decision how much clothes are we about to wear. Will T-shirt be just fine, or should a warm jacket be considered?

    This is how we make our decisions:

    Te (me). I take note of what time of the year it is. September is warmer than October but colder than August. So I should more clothes than I used to wear last month. I take a loot at the thermometer. It tells me it's 13 degrees of celcius (about 55 fahrenheit). Compared to my previous experiences (this is actully a Si part of the process), anything below 15 degrees (59 fahrenheit) is bit too cold for just a t-shirt. So I should put on little bit more than just a t-shirt. It's september, so some long sleeved shirt will do.

    So I base my decision on external criteria (thermometer) and apply that data to my previous experiences of the weather.

    Now, my friend uses his Fe to make a decision. Rather than having made some categories of warmthness based solely on the temperature, he rather looks outside of his windows and makes a quick study what others are wearing. "Hmm... I see one T-shirt on a fat guy, couple of youngsters with a jacket and a lady with coat. It's probably very cold then. I should get my jacket".

    But of course, I think he might have some other criterias besides just staying warm. He might for an example want to blend in crowd too... Perhaps he wouldn't want to draw attention to himself because of a differing outfit.
    Good example. The bold (what your friend does) is exactly what I wouldn't do. I'll see what the temperature is, wind chill, etc. before I decide what clothing to wear. And I won't look at what other people are wearing because their body heat insulation might be different from mine.

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