You asked earlier why ISTJs are hesitant to complement anyone... For me, there's few reasons for it:
- I expect that people do what they are asked to do. I expect people to do their duties, and when someone does what they should do, why complement them? They did what they were supposed to do, and that's it.
- By default, I compare everything to a perfection. So, when I review something, I point out things that aren't perfect, in order to show what could be improved to reach the perfection.
So, if I make no critique, it's either because I'm totally satisfied with the result, or I'm thinking that you can't take any critique. Or I'm not interested on the issue at hand. But if I'm only pointing out one detail, and giving you a detailed opinion how to fix it, you are probably doing something very very right. I'm always looking for how to improve things, and I don't invest my time on things that aren't worth doing better.
- By complementing others, I put myself in a position of admirer, which is a lower position than one of admiree's (not probably a word. ). I don't like lowering myself in favor of someone else. That's why I never had any idols or favorite celebrities. They are just people, and not any better than myself. Having an idol is like acknowledging that those individuals are exceptional, and I'm just an ordinary person who could never achieve what they have achieved. That's probably my inferior Fi talking. It makes me headstrong and stubborn.
But by now I've noticed this habit, and I make acknowledge effort to complement people when they do a good job.
So, how do you get ISTJ open to you? Well, it's not going to be easy and fast, but here's how I feel about this.. first of all, you need to be considered as a worthy person. You need to be:
- Loyal: Can't really stress this. If I have even a slightest of doubt that you could be spreading any details of my inner life to someone else, I would not open to you.
- Steady: I don't trust people who aren't steady. And by steady I mean IJ kind of behavior. You have to have "think before you act"-kinda mindset.
- Non-Judgmental: There's lots of stuff going in my head, that might strongly affect the opinion people have of me. So if you would judge me directly for the thoughts I'm having, I wouldn't trust me.
- Considerate: Whatever I tell you, shouldn't ever be used against me. I hate people who spread malicious rumors and reveal secret to get at me. I very much despite people who are after revenge.
So, that about covers the basis of what kind people I might trust. Now, the next thing is to make this personal opening meaningful. Why would I open myself for someone? I'm not really looking out to connect with people. And even if I was, I wouldn't need to reveal much of my inner world anyways.
So what gets me open? I don't know... maybe some kind of special connection I feel... a feeling that we share something common. It's very hard to describe, and as there's only very few selected people that know me inside, I really haven't found out what's the pattern for that. But I think IFJ kind of people get to know me better than any other types.
But just some common this for your workplace:
- Work hard
- Be trustworthy
- Be competent
- Be punctual
- Don't be whiny
That will probably make you look good in front of a ISTJ boss. But to get him open for you... that might require some special situation in which he would need to open up. Maybe if you'd tell him something first... to break the ice and make it socially acceptable to share your private life at the workplace. But there lies a huge risk, as some people (particularally ISTJs) tend to wear this mask at their workplace. They are not the same person at work as they are at home. You know the saying "after work comes play".. that means no playing at the workplace. And if you open up on your private life, they might view you as having problems separating your work and your private life. That's especially true in a situation of a conservative boss and a female employee.
But anyways... there are some many kinds of ISTJs out there, and it's very difficult to say what this ISTJ is like. But you can trust on your common ISJ-properties! Your Te and Fe might conflict at times, so remember where's the common ground and work from there.