User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 26

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    7

    Default ISFJ -> caught between I and Fe

    Hi peeps,

    I've always felt this underlying tension between wanting to socialise, be the "centre" of attention, being "popular" yet i never try to act on it and prefer my own "quiet" way of living. Ever since discovering MBTI, i guess i kind of understand why this happens to me now.

    It's almost as if i want attention but do not feel its appropriate to do things to get attention. This has really got into my head now because sometimes i really do feel disappointed about myself or unhappy about my social life yet i can never seem to express such emotions or even act on it.

    It just seems that i'm always on a different wavelength with peers and even friends, i often find myself "isolated" even though i do get the opportunities to do fun things with them. Sometimes i feel like they don't even know i'm there! The only place i really feel at "home" is at home where i get time to myself, although it is then that i get the urges to want to be with friends...

    Any help from fellow members?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9
    Posts
    998

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maldini View Post
    Hi peeps,

    I've always felt this underlying tension between wanting to socialise, be the "centre" of attention, being "popular" yet i never try to act on it and prefer my own "quiet" way of living. Ever since discovering MBTI, i guess i kind of understand why this happens to me now.
    This is pretty much the same to the letter what my ISFJ told me about MBTI when she first heard of it. She told me that finally she had an answer why she was feeling so shy and unsocial all the time. She was even feeling guilty about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maldini View Post
    It's almost as if i want attention but do not feel its appropriate to do things to get attention. This has really got into my head now because sometimes i really do feel disappointed about myself or unhappy about my social life yet i can never seem to express such emotions or even act on it.
    Yeah, I very often feel like this. I wouldn't mind being more recognized in places I go (like school, work, events) and meeting more people. But then again, I very often feel that I'm not interesting enough or I have nothing to say or offer to other people. And some ENxPs just go out there, and immediatelly everyone likes them. Unfair.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maldini View Post
    The only place i really feel at "home" is at home where i get time to myself, although it is then that i get the urges to want to be with friends...
    My ISFJ has quite a large ring of acquitances (Atleast for an introvert), and she feels sometimes very exhausted because of it. It's like it's her duty to meet them all once in a while and keep in touch, althougth she'd really like some time alone. She even felt guilty for wanting to spent some time alone when she was with her friends during a day-off from work. For some reason, she can't say no when someone is asking her to pay a visit, even though she'd dislike the company. It's as if she tried to please everyone as if it would be the right thing to do.

    But there's no pleasing of everybody. And it most definitely isn't the right thing to do. The right thing to do, personality-wise, is to please oneself. Do whatever feels the best for yourself, and in the process, people around you will like you for being what you are. Pleasant people are nice, but interesting persons are popular.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maldini View Post
    Any help from fellow members?
    Haven't seen you here before... Hi there! We don't have too many ISFJs around here.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  3. #3
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTj
    Posts
    5,908

    Default

    Hi Maldini, are you the captain of Milan football team?
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  4. #4
    Senior Member Lambchop's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    235

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maldini View Post
    Hi peeps,

    I've always felt this underlying tension between wanting to socialise, be the "centre" of attention, being "popular" yet i never try to act on it and prefer my own "quiet" way of living. Ever since discovering MBTI, i guess i kind of understand why this happens to me now.

    It's almost as if i want attention but do not feel its appropriate to do things to get attention. This has really got into my head now because sometimes i really do feel disappointed about myself or unhappy about my social life yet i can never seem to express such emotions or even act on it.

    It just seems that i'm always on a different wavelength with peers and even friends, i often find myself "isolated" even though i do get the opportunities to do fun things with them. Sometimes i feel like they don't even know i'm there! The only place i really feel at "home" is at home where i get time to myself, although it is then that i get the urges to want to be with friends...

    Any help from fellow members?
    I know EXACTLY what you mean. I want to have friends and I do have at least 5 really close ones. But I don't want to do all the social things they do. I REALLY like "my" time...epecially after a long week at work. I remember getting into a group of 3 other friends a couple of years ago (they were all younger than me...so I always felt somewhat "isolated" with them because of that and they were all E's.) They wanted to go do things all the time and be at parties and were part of a local social group. I would always get invited to stuff and feel like I HAD to go...but a lot of the time I didn't want to. I couldn't say no. It got to the point where I was skipping out a lot at the last minute because I just couldn't force myself to go and being perceived as "flaky", but I am SO not. I liked having the social options and being "popular", but I find I want to do social things on MY terms...and when I feel like it.

    My close friend is getting married tonight and I am not feeling particularly social and it's a dry reception (which is a tad boring for me), but I am forcing myself to go because it's important to her and I want to see her happy. I really just needed a weekend of relaxation when she had her bachelorette party (and I hate those anyway), so I didn't go to that. I felt SOO guilty!

    When I spend too much time alone...then I want to hang with friends. But after being told no so many times, the invitations kind of drop off and then they may have plans when I want to hang out. I've always had this love/hate relationship socially. Sometimes I will look forward to going out, but then just remain quiet the whole time, too and I don't know why.

    And it just leads to being "misunderstood", which I feel like happens to me a lot too!

  5. #5
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    8,828

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maldini View Post
    Hi peeps,

    I've always felt this underlying tension between wanting to socialise, be the "centre" of attention, being "popular" yet i never try to act on it and prefer my own "quiet" way of living. Ever since discovering MBTI, i guess i kind of understand why this happens to me now.

    It's almost as if i want attention but do not feel its appropriate to do things to get attention. This has really got into my head now because sometimes i really do feel disappointed about myself or unhappy about my social life yet i can never seem to express such emotions or even act on it.

    It just seems that i'm always on a different wavelength with peers and even friends, i often find myself "isolated" even though i do get the opportunities to do fun things with them. Sometimes i feel like they don't even know i'm there! The only place i really feel at "home" is at home where i get time to myself, although it is then that i get the urges to want to be with friends...

    Any help from fellow members?
    No help, but I can offer you the knowledge that I feel EXACTLY the same way a lot of the time.

    I'd think being all traditional/normal under the surface as well as above it would have helped you break into social groups, but it looks like your Introversion ended up making it harder after all.

    The only thing I can suggest is trying to find a balance you like... maybe try meeting your friends in quieter settings, or smaller groups? That might work out better for you in the long run, because I know I personally get more out of situations like that than I do out of those large gatherings where I just hang back and feel overwhelmed.

  6. #6
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    iSFj
    Enneagram
    2 sx/so
    Posts
    9,666

    Default I too relate to maldini's post.

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    I'd think being all traditional/normal under the surface as well as above it would have helped you break into social groups, but it looks like your Introversion ended up making it harder after all.
    It does help a little but like you said not always. I can imagine INFJ feeling that it's even harder.
    Personally, I do best with close knit group of friends.

  7. #7
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    8,828

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    It does help a little but like you said not always. I can imagine INFJ feeling that it's even harder.
    Personally, I do best with close knit group of friends.
    Oh, yes, me too. I've just never managed to have one for very long because they always move away or something.

    Well, except here. One of the reasons I got into computers was because I was hoping I could create a good A.I. and program them to care about and interact with me in unpredictable, human-like ways... because people were unreliable and didn't seem to like me anyway. This board is the closest I've gotten, but it uses real people connected via the Internet rather than A.Is.

  8. #8
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    I've noticed a number of female ISFJ friends who like to be included and want to be known they're accepted but left to their own devices have a really really hard time not withdrawing into a tiny safe world of their own.

    Since they're married, they have an easy out -- they just withdraw into a world comprised of spouse and children (and work, if they work outside the home) and otherwise, despite wanting to have close friendships, the I wins out over the Fe (or maybe it works in conjunction with the Fe... they're trying to "not impose" on other people's lives with their own desires and needs) and they live what seems to be a very isolated life. The first "location" of interest and dedication is their family and other relationships tend to not be that invested in.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  9. #9
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    I
    Posts
    3,104

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maldini View Post
    Hi peeps,

    I've always felt this underlying tension between wanting to socialise, be the "centre" of attention, being "popular" yet i never try to act on it and prefer my own "quiet" way of living. Ever since discovering MBTI, i guess i kind of understand why this happens to me now.

    It's almost as if i want attention but do not feel its appropriate to do things to get attention. This has really got into my head now because sometimes i really do feel disappointed about myself or unhappy about my social life yet i can never seem to express such emotions or even act on it.

    It just seems that i'm always on a different wavelength with peers and even friends, i often find myself "isolated" even though i do get the opportunities to do fun things with them. Sometimes i feel like they don't even know i'm there! The only place i really feel at "home" is at home where i get time to myself, although it is then that i get the urges to want to be with friends...

    Any help from fellow members?

    I'm different in that I don't care about being popular or wanting to please others by being someone that I'm not. This is the positive of having very low Fe. I care about what I myself think is important, I don't owe others obligations or duties that they haven't given me before, I owe myself first.

  10. #10
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    iSFj
    Enneagram
    2 sx/so
    Posts
    9,666

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I've noticed a number of female ISFJ friends who like to be included and want to be known they're accepted but left to their own devices have a really really hard time not withdrawing into a tiny safe world of their own.

    Since they're married, they have an easy out -- they just withdraw into a world comprised of spouse and children (and work, if they work outside the home) and otherwise, despite wanting to have close friendships, the I wins out over the Fe (or maybe it works in conjunction with the Fe... they're trying to "not impose" on other people's lives with their own desires and needs) and they live what seems to be a very isolated life. The first "location" of interest and dedication is their family and other relationships tend to not be that invested in.
    Yes, I think that's true.

Similar Threads

  1. [JCF] Differences between ENFP and ISFJ
    By chubber in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-11-2017, 01:54 AM
  2. Differences between Ti-Fe and Fe-Ti
    By techsci in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 05-11-2016, 04:55 PM
  3. What are some key differences between ISFP and ISFJ?
    By lunareclipze in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 04-03-2014, 05:25 PM
  4. Differences between ISFP and ISFJ?
    By KarenParker in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 01-26-2011, 07:52 PM
  5. [MBTItm] What differences and similarities are there between ISFP and ISFJ?
    By KLessard in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 11-09-2009, 10:41 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO