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  1. #1
    Member Sam Spade's Avatar
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    Default So this ISTJ met somebody online...

    And is terrified of fucking up our first meeting. Just so you know, we met on a forum two years ago and talked a lot, were friends etc, then that moved to MSN (conversations for hours about random topics), and lately has moved onto Skype (conversations also last quite a long time there). We are now talking about meeting in the fall (distance/school impedes this happening earlier) and most likely getting into a relationship soon, but we are both kind of worried about being awkward at first. Does anyone have tips that could help this inexperienced ISTj make this transition as smooth as possible?

    Also she appears to be an EStx type, but none of her Myers-Briggs results are consistent apart from ES.
    "Knights had no meaning in this game. It wasn't a game for knights."

  2. #2
    Senior Member Max's Avatar
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    I met someone, an ISTP, after three and a half years. It was a little awkward, but not terrible. It was just the two of us for a while, but her family came into the picture, and their various personalities made it more fun for the both of us. My recommendation for you, based on my own experience would be to try to have some others with you if that's possible. However, the type of relationship it sounds like you're talking about is not what me and her have or had any desire to do, so can't help you out there.

  3. #3
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    Everyone I've ever talked to about this stuff says it gets unawkward after the first thirty minutes. If you talk online, clearly you have topics to say in person. And you'll both be nervous no matter what, it's inevitable, so treat it as a blind date. See how it goes, play it by ear, and just "be yourself," as the cliche goes. Good luck to ya.
    4w3, IEI, so/sx/sp, female, and Cancer sign.

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  4. #4
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    I would guess...just try to relax. Which isn't easy, but may be the best way.

    The easiest way to relax is to decide that it's not important and doesn't matter. But if it weren't important, you wouldn't set time aside to meet her. It's a horrible trap.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sam Spade View Post
    We are now talking about meeting in the fall (distance/school impedes this happening earlier) and most likely getting into a relationship soon, but we are both kind of worried about being awkward at first.
    I think you shouldn't put so high expectansions there. I mean, you know her online, but you don't know her in real-life. That's a big difference. It's like you have to get to know each other all over again.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not sayin it can't happen, I'm just saying that go there and see what happens...

    Maybe you should start the meeting with some sort of activity... whatever you both are into (mini-golf, pool, movie, whatever). It's a nice ice-breaker when meeting new people. I think it works well for ISTJs atleast.


    EDIT: Oh... I just remembered. It helped me a lot in a situations like these when I realized that the other person is actually probably as nervous as I was, and that she would understand if I felt little nerveous too. She already seems to like you, so no pressure there! Just be yourself, and you'll stunning.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
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  6. #6
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    But if it weren't important, you wouldn't set time aside to meet her. It's a horrible trap.
    haha Isn't THAT the truth, Cim!
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    It helps me to focus on the voice of the person I'm meeting because it helps to make the meeting less nervous, since you are already comfortable with their voice. That really has helped my nervousness in some meeting situations.

    I would try to have a situation where you aren't having to stare into each other's eyes for long periods of time right away, that helps too. (Like Habba said)

    If you have talked that much, you may not be as nervous as you think. One other thing I've picked up is saying something about how much you have already interacted. If you guys are that comfortable together online for the amount of time you've probably already skyped, you should have no truble being comfortable in real life.

    I also like to admit I'm nervous if I am and in a relatively safe situation, it can make it a less nervous situation, but I'm a crazy ENFP.

  8. #8
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I was nervous to meet mine after a year of talking and being friends. But the moment I heard him speak, I knew we'd be fine. We took about half an hour to acclimatize and after that I couldn't get him off me (for real, he was squishing me!). Just allow for some uncomfortableness and don't panic. It'll work itself out. There's a reason you kept in touch all this time and that is something that usually doesn't change irl, at least ime.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member WickedQueen's Avatar
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    Yeah, don't worry. Just smile and give her a warm hug. Ask her how is she doing and talks about little thing you just did before you meet her. Conversation will run smoothly from that and everything is gonna be okay.

  10. #10
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    I wouldn't hug her at the first meet, unless she initiated it.
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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