[ISTJ] So this ISTJ met somebody online...

[Sam Spade]

And is terrified of fucking up our first meeting. Just so you know, we met on a forum two years ago and talked a lot, were friends etc, then that moved to MSN (conversations for hours about random topics), and lately has moved onto Skype (conversations also last quite a long time there). We are now talking about meeting in the fall (distance/school impedes this happening earlier) and most likely getting into a relationship soon, but we are both kind of worried about being awkward at first. Does anyone have tips that could help this inexperienced ISTj make this transition as smooth as possible?

Also she appears to be an EStx type, but none of her Myers-Briggs results are consistent apart from ES.

 

[Max]

I met someone, an ISTP, after three and a half years. It was a little awkward, but not terrible. It was just the two of us for a while, but her family came into the picture, and their various personalities made it more fun for the both of us. My recommendation for you, based on my own experience would be to try to have some others with you if that's possible. However, the type of relationship it sounds like you're talking about is not what me and her have or had any desire to do, so can't help you out there.

 

[Bubbles]

Everyone I've ever talked to about this stuff says it gets unawkward after the first thirty minutes. If you talk online, clearly you have topics to say in person. And you'll both be nervous no matter what, it's inevitable, so treat it as a blind date. See how it goes, play it by ear, and just "be yourself," as the cliche goes. Good luck to ya.

 

[Cimarron]

I would guess...just try to relax. Which isn't easy, but may be the best way.

The easiest way to relax is to decide that it's not important and doesn't matter. But if it weren't important, you wouldn't set time aside to meet her. It's a horrible trap.

 

[Habba]

We are now talking about meeting in the fall (distance/school impedes this happening earlier) and most likely getting into a relationship soon, but we are both kind of worried about being awkward at first.

I think you shouldn't put so high expectansions there. I mean, you know her online, but you don't know her in real-life. That's a big difference. It's like you have to get to know each other all over again.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sayin it can't happen, I'm just saying that go there and see what happens...

Maybe you should start the meeting with some sort of activity... whatever you both are into (mini-golf, pool, movie, whatever). It's a nice ice-breaker when meeting new people. I think it works well for ISTJs atleast.


EDIT: Oh... I just remembered. It helped me a lot in a situations like these when I realized that the other person is actually probably as nervous as I was, and that she would understand if I felt little nerveous too. She already seems to like you, so no pressure there! Just be yourself, and you'll stunning.

 

[d@v3]

But if it weren't important, you wouldn't set time aside to meet her. It's a horrible trap.

haha Isn't THAT the truth, Cim!

 

[Laurie]

It helps me to focus on the voice of the person I'm meeting because it helps to make the meeting less nervous, since you are already comfortable with their voice. That really has helped my nervousness in some meeting situations.

I would try to have a situation where you aren't having to stare into each other's eyes for long periods of time right away, that helps too. (Like Habba said)

If you have talked that much, you may not be as nervous as you think. One other thing I've picked up is saying something about how much you have already interacted. If you guys are that comfortable together online for the amount of time you've probably already skyped, you should have no truble being comfortable in real life.

I also like to admit I'm nervous if I am and in a relatively safe situation, it can make it a less nervous situation, but I'm a crazy ENFP.

 

[Amargith]

I was nervous to meet mine after a year of talking and being friends. But the moment I heard him speak, I knew we'd be fine. We took about half an hour to acclimatize and after that I couldn't get him off me (for real, he was squishing me!). Just allow for some uncomfortableness and don't panic. It'll work itself out. There's a reason you kept in touch all this time and that is something that usually doesn't change irl, at least ime.

 

[WickedQueen]

Yeah, don't worry. Just smile and give her a warm hug. Ask her how is she doing and talks about little thing you just did before you meet her. Conversation will run smoothly from that and everything is gonna be okay.

 

[d@v3]

I wouldn't hug her at the first meet, unless she initiated it.

 

[Amargith]

^ I actually asked mine before he came over if he wanted to be hugged upon meeting as I'm kinda affectionate that way, and he said he was too shy for that. So...I left him alone. Not ten minutes after meeting me he was smothering me already. He like jumped me from behind too, I was completely taken by surprise

 

[Habba]

I wouldn't hug her at the first meet, unless she initiated it.

Why she can initiate it and you can't?

 

[Edgar]

I don't know what's the big deal about meeting someone off the internet. If you meet them in person and don't like them you can always leave. The internet police won't go after you. Nobody gives a shit.

 

[BlackCat]

I wouldn't hug her at the first meet, unless she initiated it.

Good luck with anything romance wise then. Everyone hugs the first time Dave, didn't you know?!

 

[Amira]

BlackCat, I'm not sure why you would say that, but there are lots of differences in personal values/comfort levels, especially on a first meeting. Yes, me being a stuffy ISTJ I would be very uncomfortable hugging on the first date, but that is actually mostly due to personal beliefs, not my type. My sister is a VERY gushy and huggy ENFP and she also would not want to hug someone the first date. Anyway Sam, I would just pay attention to her body language as that would be a guide. Or, ask her beforehand since apparently you've talked about both of you being nervous!

 

[BlackCat]

BlackCat, I'm not sure why you would say that, but there are lots of differences in personal values/comfort levels, especially on a first meeting. Yes, me being a stuffy ISTJ I would be very uncomfortable hugging on the first date, but that is actually mostly due to personal beliefs, not my type. My sister is a VERY gushy and huggy ENFP and she also would not want to hug someone the first date. Anyway Sam, I would just pay attention to her body language as that would be a guide. Or, ask her beforehand since apparently you've talked about both of you being nervous!

Ah, yeah. You'd work out the details between the two of course.

I should have clarified, I was just messing with Dave. I added a little something in to emphasize that.

It would deal with what the two people are comfortable with and also how you feel in the moment.

 

[Amira]

I see

 

[Sam Spade]

I don't know what's the big deal about meeting someone off the internet. If you meet them in person and don't like them you can always leave. The internet police won't go after you. Nobody gives a shit.

Umm it's a big deal because we don't live in the same state and thus it costs many Rubles sir Vladimir.

Also, the internet police are real, and as a "former" KGB member you clearly are trying to throw us off of your trail.

 

[d@v3]

Why she can initiate it and you can't?

Because if she doesn't want you to touch her, that could be a problem... and you might go to jail.

So, unless you know 99% of her WANTS you to touch her, probably shouldn't touch her.

 

[Sam Spade]

Well, we met, and it was the best decision ever lol. It worked out great and now I am in a relationship with her.

Thanks for all the advice, especially d@v3.