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[ISFJ] How to Console An ISFJ

stellar renegade

PEST that STEPs on PETS
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Thank you so much, you've helped alot. Other people have thought she was being manipulative as well, unfortunately. Of me and my friend, I was the one who was willing to consider that she wasn't being manipulative but just honest with her feelings, because I know she's an honest person. The way she says it still comes off that way to me, but with your confirmation I'm even more ready to believe her thoroughly (and that it isn't a subconscious ploy, either).

(I have a sad story to share about this. A day or so before I left to hang out with friends for this whole last week in Oklahoma, she gave me one of those "you're not gonna end up talking to me anyway" lines and I told her to stop doing that, she said she wasn't trying to do anything and I said she knew exactly what she meant. When I came back I found out she had been upset the entire time due to that along with some other stuff that had been going on. She apologized, though, and I did, too, and the conversation ended upbeat despite even more potential drama. I'm determined to not let that event repeat itself, though. I'm just grateful she says I'm an amazing friend.)

It doesn't always help to distract her because sometimes she's just that down in the dumps. She does get distracted pretty easily like you said, though. She might talk about her issues and then all of a sudden brighten up when she starts thinking about something as simple as ice cream. hahaha. Or when I say something she considers silly she'll just suddenly laugh. So I know you're right, but the trouble is that it seems unpredictable when she's gonna be able to be distracted.

I don't mind giving affirmation, it's a stretch for me, but if I use it as a tactic (and yes I do mean it but me having to say anything like that that seems obvious to me is a technique to me) I can do fine. It's still kinda frustrating though, although worth it in the end for how happy she becomes.
 

stellar renegade

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Also, do you get really super attached to your friends? Other people think she must have a crush on me, but she says she got over that a long time ago after I never wrote her the entire summer I was up in her state as a camp counselor, and especially after all the drama that happened while living in close quarters (with her family). haha.

But she does have other guy friends she feels really close to and she's always been more comfortable hanging with guys. Yet she really misses me alot and is always saying how she can't wait till I move up there. Does it still make sense that she has no romantic feelings for me, or do you think there's a possibility that there's some subconscious stuff going on there?
 

Giggly

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Also, do you get really super attached to your friends? Other people think she must have a crush on me, but she says she got over that a long time ago after I never wrote her the entire summer I was up in her state as a camp counselor, and especially after all the drama that happened while living in close quarters (with her family). haha.

But she does have other guy friends she feels really close to and she's always been more comfortable hanging with guys. Yet she really misses me alot and is always saying how she can't wait till I move up there. Does it still make sense that she has no romantic feelings for me, or do you think there's a possibility that there's some subconscious stuff going on there?

I'm glad I can help, Stellar, but I don't know if I"m the person to ask about this, I'm usually too blunt about these kind of things. My answer is, YES, she still has romantic feelings for you. And yes, I do get super attached to those I develop romantic feelings for. After that we can be like sand bags. lol
 

stellar renegade

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sand bags, hahaha, oh man that's so wrong. XD

hm, that sucks. I probly need to ask if she's ever been attached to someone as much as she is to me. She'd probly just say that I'm just a better friend than others have been, though. Oh well.
 

Giggly

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sand bags, hahaha, oh man that's so wrong. XD

hm, that sucks. I probly need to ask if she's ever been attached to someone as much as she is to me. She'd probly just say that I'm just a better friend than others have been, though. Oh well.

Just because she's attached to you doesn't mean you should feel obligated to be her friend. Don't let her be a burden on you. In time she'll find someone else to attach to.
 

stellar renegade

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No, I like her as a friend a whole lot and we've become really close. I couldn't just stop being her friend, it's just an issue of over-attachment.

Although when I told her I might be moving to Oklahoma for a couple of months to hang with some friends before finally moving to Seattle she did get somewhat used to the idea, although she still doesn't like it. haha
 

Giggly

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No, I like her as a friend a whole lot and we've become really close. I couldn't just stop being her friend, it's just an issue of over-attachment.

Although when I told her I might be moving to Oklahoma for a couple of months to hang with some friends before finally moving to Seattle she did get somewhat used to the idea, although she still doesn't like it. haha

so she lives in .... florida, still? (forgot where you used to live)
 

stellar renegade

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Yeah. I'm not moving there for her, though. I'm moving there because I love that place.
 

Koocoomoo

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Just don't give up.
If they know you really care, they WON'T let you help them quickly, it takes TIME and patience.
But if you stick around they should eventually let you help out.
compliment them, let them know they are appreciated and all that good stuff.
They need to feel useful.
 

Nonsensical

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Let them know that the facility is safe and secure from intruders, and tell them that cops are a phone call away.
 

stellar renegade

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Just don't give up.
If they know you really care, they WON'T let you help them quickly, it takes TIME and patience.
But if you stick around they should eventually let you help out.
compliment them, let them know they are appreciated and all that good stuff.
They need to feel useful.

Yeah, I've found that to be true.
 

Giggly

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Just don't give up.
If they know you really care, they WON'T let you help them quickly, it takes TIME and patience.
But if you stick around they should eventually let you help out.
compliment them, let them know they are appreciated and all that good stuff.
They need to feel useful.

It is true.

Let them know that the facility is safe and secure from intruders, and tell them that cops are a phone call away.

Oh you. Be good. ;)
 

Magic Poriferan

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Can I speed this up at all with icecream and cuddles?

Sorry, sometimes I need to expedite things.
 

Lambchop

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Wow...I could so see myself with the ranting about an argument or debate at work when I get home. Especially during PMS. Well, and having an idiot for a boss helps too (I found a new job, thank God.)

But more to the point...as an ISFJ, here are my suggestions: Just listen to us. Say things like "That sounds frustrating" and "I'm sorry you had to deal with that" and if you do disagree with the "debater" on the other side, make it loud and clear! "That was really rude of her to say!" or "I canNOT believe she did that." After letting them blow off steam for a little bit, like everyone else said...distract them! Suggest something fun to do together. Tell them a joke you heard. If it's your significant other...after some time, say "Well, I think you're amazing...Hey, what do you want to do this weekend? Jim and Sandy invited us.....etc..." It's also a good time to bring up nice things that people have told you about them. "I forgot to tell you...I saw my friend Sarah the other day and she told me that she thinks you're really smart." DON'T make stuff up or be patronizing, cuz we can tell. ;)

With regard to us complaining or having a pity party -- I hate to say this, but I've been around many different personality types and everyone does it at one point or another...we all have our times! I remember when I was dating my INFP boyfriend...I would call him when I was feeling down and he would always say "I'm sorry that you're down...I'll be over in a few minutes and we can go get some ice cream." It might not be good on the waist line (but we can exercise it off...and exercise helps us feel better too!), but it worked wonders for me. My husband (who is an amaaazing INFP) knows just when to bring me chocolate. He also knows just when to say "Hey, you seem down...let's go for a walk and you can talk about it." This is a genuis idea..because walking gets the endorphins going and once I've vented and the endorphins are going, I feel better than ever when I get back from the walk!

I would also say that I tend to hold things inside because I don't want to "bother" other people, so when I get down...I usually have many reasons that I just haven't articulated...and they can be big things. My 5 year old niece died 3 years ago and I get sad every year on her birthday. I won't tell anyone though...so some people might think I'm sulking or pouting or whatever...when in reality, I just miss my niece. I personally like my own space to deal with those things, so when my husband goes to play soccer or takes my boys for ice cream (those INFPs love their ice cream), he gives me space to work through things in my head and get myself back into a better place. I eventually will and I'll come back to normal. If he tries to get me to feel better or accuses me of being "whiny," I will fly into a rage and he won't know why until later (and then he'll feel really bad, because he understands me being sad about my niece.) :hug:

And my INFP can get himself into big long funks sometimes as well, that last longer than most of mine. He has been complaining about his job for years and years and gets so unhappy on Sunday nights when he has to go to work the next day. He wants to be a writer and be creative, but he always seems to lack the follow through to figure what he wants to do and then make a change. I reminded him of the serenity prayer "Accepting the things we can't change, having the courage to change what we can and knowing the difference" that he will sometimes remind me of when I'm getting down. Compassion goes a long way.

I have a question: Doesn't it seem like most things in life that upset us have to do with control? Whether it's control of ourselves or control of situations or control of others....it always seems to come back to control. Just my little philosophical thought for the day. :newwink:
 

Giggly

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Lambchop, (oh how I love that nickname), your INFP sounds darling.
 
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