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  1. #11
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SubjectA View Post
    You break it down and make it so simple. I like that.
    I was worried you wouldn't see the humour in that. Phew.

    Everything is simple, people just choose to complicate matters.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  2. #12
    Senior Member SubjectA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    Distraction sounds like a good method. But like most introverts he'll probably go blow off steam and then forget about the whole thing. The last time I got upset or caught up in a debate on this forum in PM: I ended up ranting to some people on Ventrilo and made topics on forums to prove a point that I wasn't being illogical. You did a good job of validating his own emotions, although I'd stay away from the whole "No point getting upset over something so trivial" as it's something that may backfire.

    Good result: He agrees and tries to ignore the irrationality of the other person.
    Bad result: You're invalidating his own emotions by pointing out the silliness in getting all worked up.

    If you don't want to call his friends dumb. Just say that they are being unreasonable with their views on that particular topic.
    It doesn't seem to bother him for long. He moves on quickly. Maybe the best thing to do is let him simmer down?

    Because I'm not that good at distracting.

    And another time when he seems impossible to console is when he gets into "it's my fault" mode. It's especially upsetting when it has something to do with me. Saying, "It's not your fault and here's why..." doesn't seem to do much either. Is this typical of ISFJs and what do I do when that happens?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #13
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SubjectA View Post
    It doesn't seem to bother him for long. He moves on quickly. Maybe the best thing to do is let him simmer down?

    Because I'm not that good at distracting.

    And another time when he seems impossible to console is when he gets into "it's my fault" mode. It's especially upsetting when it has something to do with me. Saying, "It's not your fault and here's why..." doesn't seem to do much either. Is this typical of ISFJs and what do I do when that happens?
    Ack. Yes. Repeating that it's not his fault like a broken record until he gets distracted with something else helps. Eventually (okay, it takes a loong time) he'll learn that he's not so bad. In the meantime, I really do think distraction is important to learn. You poor thing.

  4. #14
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    My long experience with ISFJs says that: if it's something small, then act as if nothing happen and carry on with what you were talking about before, without giving too much importance to the event. Eventually, if he-she is still upset, threathen to kill (as a joke) the person that started the idiotic argument, that usually works because they'll play devil's advocate ("it wasn't that important!") and put everything in perspective.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  5. #15
    Senior Member SubjectA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Eventually, if he-she is still upset, threathen to kill (as a joke) the person that started the idiotic argument...
    You speak my language.

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly
    Ack. Yes. Repeating that it's not his fault like a broken record until he gets distracted with something else helps. Eventually (okay, it takes a loong time) he'll learn that he's not so bad. In the meantime, I really do think distraction is important to learn. You poor thing.
    It's hard to distract myself, let alone someone else. :\ Uggghhh
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #16
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    My long experience with ISFJs says that: if it's something small, then act as if nothing happen and carry on with what you were talking about before, without giving too much importance to the event. Eventually, if he-she is still upset, threathen to kill (as a joke) the person that started the idiotic argument, that usually works because they'll play devil's advocate ("it wasn't that important!") and put everything in perspective.
    That's genius!

    I'm gonna keep my eye on this thread as I have an ISFJ friend who it takes quite awhile to console, so any tips on how to streamline efforts toward that end would be helpful.
    -stellar renegade
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  7. #17
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    The ISFJ I know also can be so caught up in "fair" or "loyalty" they forget that they themselves aren't perfect.

    Admittedly I get caught up on this sometimes. I don't see it as I'm perfect (far from it). I see it as "I'm not perfect and neither are you, so here is the compromise that would be fair for us all." Basically we all gain a little and lose a little. That is always the case with non-exceptional humans and most of us are not exceptional, despite the fact that we all like to think we are. A lot of times people don't want to sacrifice that needed extra bit because the the promise of such a big reward that they get to have all for themselves, despite the fact that it's not quite fair to all parties involved. That is frustrating to me. And with kids, they don 't know any better (heck, not even adults do) so you have to just kind of be loving yet strict with them and they may not fully understand it until later in life (hopefully).

  8. #18
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    My long experience with ISFJs says that: if it's something small, then act as if nothing happen and carry on with what you were talking about before, without giving too much importance to the event. Eventually, if he-she is still upset, threathen to kill (as a joke) the person that started the idiotic argument, that usually works because they'll play devil's advocate ("it wasn't that important!") and put everything in perspective.
    ahahaha that's brilliant.

  9. #19
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    So Giggly, what's the best way to keep an ISFJ from feeling down on themselves all the time, especially when you can't help the circumstances that make them feel that way? I tell her how much I appreciate her and all that, but it always takes so long to make her feel uplifted because she's pretty stubborn about it.

    Also, do you ever find yourself unintentionally putting someone else on a guilt trip? Like, do you ever say something like, "You don't have to talk to me. There's no reason to anyway"? That tends to make me feel like she's trying to put me on a guilt trip when she says she's just stating it how she feels and that she never puts on airs or tries to manipulate people.
    -stellar renegade
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  10. #20
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    So Giggly, what's the best way to keep an ISFJ from feeling down on themselves all the time, especially when you can't help the circumstances that make them feel that way? I tell her how much I appreciate her and all that, but it always takes so long to make her feel uplifted because she's pretty stubborn about it.
    I can't speak for all ISFJs, but seriously, distraction works great for me. I am easily distracted, Not quite to the point of an ESFP but fairly close. I like simple and/or silly distractions the best. Like making a joke to make me giggle or distracting me with some tasty food or candy or giving me a hug and a kiss. Or go see a movie, or play a game. Or just change the subject. Or just doing something silly.

    It takes a lot of patience but I think ISFJs need affirmation continually so if that doesn't come naturally to you or you're prone to get annoyed by that (many people are) then ISFJs will probably drive you away.

    Do, do you ever find yourself unintentionally putting someone else on a guilt trip? Like, do you ever say something like, "You don't have to talk to me. There's no reason to anyway"? That tends to make me feel like she's trying to put me on a guilt trip when she says she's just stating it how she feels and that she never puts on airs or tries to manipulate people.
    Yes, I have said things like that before and I didn't say them to put someone on a guilt trip. Just to state how I feel like your friend said (occasionally we might feel hopeless), but no one I've ever said something like that too has told me that they felt guilty. If they would have I'd probably immediately withdraw. I don't intend to emotionally manipulate anyone. The thought of that makes me feel queezy. sometimes I do like to talk to someone and feel as though someone is hearing me, even if they can't help.

    .

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