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  1. #1
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Default Home and the ISTJ

    I currently live with an ISTJ (and others) and we are moving at the end of August. We are moving because ISTJ suddenly declared that he was going to buy a house. When several months ago questioned, "ISTJ, what will then become of me?" He shrugged and said, "Well, I'll need a roommate." And, that was that.

    Last month, when following up with the ISTJ on this housing matter, I found out he was going to possibly purchase a house and let his British friend live with him either instead of me or in addition to me. Basically, I was potentially going to be phased out depending on his plans. I understand that ISTJ is not as relational as me, but it still hurt that he did not think of me in his planning process and was only concerned with his own affairs. So, after composing a list of 50 Reasons Why I Would Make A Better Roommate... and a great deal of whining to him... I started looking for places on my own.

    Funny thing is, turns out the Brit couldn't live with him after all, and ISTJ was sort of stuck by default with me as the only other option. He said that he would want to live with me, and would try to make that happen, but I do wonder if it is just because I was available and a good roommate (never for a second did I actually think my 50 reasons, while appropriately full of wit and persuasive hilarity were factors in convincing him). At any rate, I agreed to live with him and that was that.

    Long story short, I have been waiting for ISTJ to buy a house for a couple of months now, and in three weeks, I will be homeless. I found a nice place I could live which is closer to where I work with a few other people my age. The rent would be cheaper than with ISTJ, but at the cost of living with strangers. Thing is, they need to know like TODAY if I want to move in because they are showing their house to other potential roommates. I have already obviously committed to ISTJ, but he isn't responding to me in a very timely fashion or... even at all. He dodges the issue because it stresses him out.

    I guess my question to all you ISTJs would be... what should I do? What's the best way to approach my ISTJ roommate to tell him that really, I would prefer to live with him, but he needs to let me know what he is doing! (I already emailed him this yesterday and he told me in person that he would write me back this morning, but that has not happened yet)

    I want to be fair to my commitment to him, but at the same time, I want to know that I have a place to live! Thoughts?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Firstly, are you and ISTJ romantically involved?

    Personally, with 3 weeks to go, i would be out of mind with worry.
    Can he still buy the house if you don't move in with him?
    Sort yourself out first darling, if i was you.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  3. #3
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    No romance.

    I'm not really as worried as I should be probably.

    And, probably he can't buy the house without a roommate. His back-up plan was to look for an apartment, which would be fine... but with or without me? Since he rarely includes me in his plans, I can never know if he has considered me or not.

  4. #4
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    I don't think it is unfair at all to require a little more contact regarding his progress. His decision affects you, in a pretty meaningful way, and while I know you don't want to go back on your commitment, because you do take your commitments seriously, you still need to protect yourself. I'd also make sure to let him know if he can't give you a good estimate on time or progress, that's fine with you, and that while you'll be disappointed because you were excited to be his roommate, you don't want to pressure him to move at a pace that makes him uncomfortable in what is a very big personal step for him. Just make it known that you do need to know the exact status of the deal, lest you lose a place to stay.



  5. #5
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i'd call him and say ya gotta let me know wth is going on by the end of the day or i'm committing to another place.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #6
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    I agree with Lady X then.

    You need to get some structure in your life and can't wait around for him. There does seem to be a communication problem here so give him a time frame and if he can't work to that, then get your own place.
    Simple as.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  7. #7
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Talk to him face to face. Make sure you catch him at a time he is not busy. I don't think he excluded you from his plans (at least not on purpose).
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    from my experience with one istj in particular...he may just not think it necessary to discuss all the details with you...it's possibly already decided in his head that you guys are doing it and he just plans on telling you after he's figured it all out...not realizing you'd like to be let in on the process or possibly have an opinion about it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #9
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    I would probably tell him that it's an urgent matter, and to respond quickly. Tell him to absolutely give you a decision on whether or not you should be his roommate immediately.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    from my experience with one istj in particular...he may just not think it necessary to discuss all the details with you...it's possibly already decided in his head that you guys are doing it and he just plans on telling you after he's figured it all out...not realizing you'd like to be let in on the process or possibly have an opinion about it.
    Yeah, exactly what I had originally thought! Buuuutttt then come to find out, he was going to live with the Brit and then drop it on me that "Oh sorry Rach, I have a new roommate." At least, that's what I think he was implying when he said, "uhh... here's the thing about that... the Brit actually needs a roommate too..." (not ever really answering me directly)

    So, now I don't feel like I can safely assume that he has thought of me at all!

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