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Thread: ISFJ vs. ESFJ

  1. #1
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Default ISFJ vs. ESFJ

    So I remember seeing a thread about someone wondering if they were an ISFJ or ESFJ the other day, and I forgot to comment. I also didn't see the harm in making a thread in the SJ Guardhouse about it. :P

    Anyways, I don't know that many SFJs except my mom and a friend, and I've always wondered if there were any huge differences. I heard ISFJs can be quite extroverted at times. Is the ESFJ very extroverted or could they be mistaken as introverted?

    What are some key differences between these types?

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    Just from my personal experience, ISFJs are more hearth and home, ESFJs are more hostesses.

    You don't see ISFJs holding parties very often, but ESFJs love to host their friends and family. They practically live for that. ISFJs like to be around people, but only to a certain limit. After they've had their fill, they like to go home and clean and cook.

    When it comes to dealing with negative emotions, ISFJs are the ultimate in beating the dead horse. They just can't get over that little pebble in the shoe. For ESFJs, it seems like they get over things more quickly and are more methodical in handling difficulties. They can explode though if they get really frustrated.

    That's just my unscientific, anecdotal take.

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    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strawberrylover View Post
    Just from my personal experience, ISFJs are more hearth and home, ESFJs are more hostesses.

    You don't see ISFJs holding parties very often, but ESFJs love to host their friends and family. They practically live for that. ISFJs like to be around people, but only to a certain limit. After they've had their fill, they like to go home and clean and cook.

    When it comes to dealing with negative emotions, ISFJs are the ultimate in beating the dead horse. They just can't get over that little pebble in the shoe. For ESFJs, it seems like they get over things more quickly and are more methodical in handling difficulties. They can explode though if they get really frustrated.
    That's just my unscientific, anecdotal take.
    One out of 3 isn't to bad. Not every ESFJ is an hostess and live for it.
    But the last one, you was right about.
    Obviously from my experience.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
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    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strawberrylover View Post
    Just from my personal experience, ISFJs are more hearth and home, ESFJs are more hostesses.

    You don't see ISFJs holding parties very often, but ESFJs love to host their friends and family. They practically live for that. ISFJs like to be around people, but only to a certain limit. After they've had their fill, they like to go home and clean and cook.

    When it comes to dealing with negative emotions, ISFJs are the ultimate in beating the dead horse. They just can't get over that little pebble in the shoe. For ESFJs, it seems like they get over things more quickly and are more methodical in handling difficulties. They can explode though if they get really frustrated.

    That's just my unscientific, anecdotal take.
    That sounds spot on.

    Honestly, there have been times when I've really wondered myself, because I know I don't usually come across as incredibly outgoing. I do love to be around people but I also like my time at home.

    However, the whole "hostessing" aspect of the ESFJ personality is what has caused me to realize that is indeed my type. I absolutely love to entertain and to plan events and get-togethers with other people. I would say that 95% of my time with other people is generated by my planning. I plan outings and parties and that kind of thing. I think ISFJ's may be more inclined to plan things around their families and home life? I like to nurture my home life but then it's important to me to invite people on the outside to come and take part in it. I get energy out of hosting things and sharing my time and resources with other people.

    But, no, I am not very extroverted. Honestly, I think that when a lot of people meet me they think I'm an introvert. I'm don't get all bubbly and talk people's ears off all the time (sometimes, but not all the time). But I prefer for people outside of my family and one or two friends to be involved in my life on a regular basis at my initiative and planning. It makes me happy and excited like NOTHING else does.

    And, yes, I also try very hard to balance that with my responsibilities, which means, like Strawberry lover said*, that I can only manage so much hostessing and time away from home participating in certain events...I have a duty to manage my other responsibilities and that weighs heavily on me.

    My preference is to engage in about three social activities or service group projects a week...planned by me, if possible.

    Think Mary Tyler Moore. They say she's an ESFJ for good reason.
    Last edited by wrldisquiethere; 07-28-2009 at 02:52 PM. Reason: *she was referencing the ISFJ, but that is true of me, as well
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

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    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Wow you are a mind reader, Steph! This appeared at the same time as I posted something about that in another SJ thread. Thank you for starting it, and to the rest of you, keep going. I want to know more!

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    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    Those parts Sas highlighted I do agree with. I also can seem very outgoing I get a good sense of people and can open right up, but what I do adore is getting out by myself. Doesn't mean I don't like people, I can keep one person beside me continuously and never feel like I had to much of him or her. 1 on 1 being the main point here. On the other hand get me around too many people and I can clam up pretty fast.

    Yeah I can hold grudges, but only if there has been constant dripping pressure. I deal with high school students and they haven't will all their excitement, talking, and general playing around, yet they haven't seen my bad side. My husband is the only one who has seen it (on rare occasions). So don't worry I don't bite.
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    Quote Originally Posted by wrldisquiethere View Post
    But, no, I am not very extroverted. Honestly, I think that when a lot of people meet me they think I'm an introvert. I'm don't get all bubbly and talk people's ears off all the time (sometimes, but not all the time). But I prefer for people outside of my family and one or two friends to be involved in my life on a regular basis at my initiative and planning. It makes me happy and excited like NOTHING else does.


    I think my ESFJ friend would agree with you. She's also an introverted extrovert. She's out there, but she's not in your face with being loud and spontaneous. She just has a great, very friendly and pleasing presence. I love healthy SFJs!

    The thing that amazes me about her is that she's involved in peoples' lives in just the right amount. She's caring but not invasive, hands off but not negligent, helpful but not judgmental. She's just a very steadying and stabilizing force and that's why she's a great hostess. No matter your type, you know you'll be treated well in her home.

    My mom was an ISFJ who also liked to host from time to time, but you could tell it wore her out and she didn't take as much pleasure in it. What she took great pleasure in was a clean house with the smell of good food cooking on the stove. That was her ultimate satisfaction in life.

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    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Just to clarify: if I am looking to spend time by myself, it is for a practical purpose or to fulfill a duty, not because I prefer to be by myself.
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg
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    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wrldisquiethere View Post
    1 - I do love to be around people but I also like my time at home.

    2 - However, the whole "hostessing" aspect of the ESFJ personality is what has caused me to realize that is indeed my type.

    3 - But, no, I am not very extroverted.

    4 - It makes me happy and excited like NOTHING else does.
    See this is where i start to question myself again. Yet each test says ESFJ.

    1 - Totally agree.
    2 - Never been into hostessing at all.
    3 - I am very much an extrovert.
    4 - What makes me incredibly happy now is being selfish and putting myself first.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe
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    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    I agree with number 4 too!

    Edited: For myself that is
    Last edited by Eiddy; 07-28-2009 at 03:36 PM. Reason: Clarification
    Johari / Nohari

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