[ISTJ] ISTJ: how do i know if im annoying you?

[Glass Forest]

An ISTJ i know has "I don't want to be mean" personality factor, which can manifest itself through him being nice to people even when they are annoying him, so how would i know if i am annoying him?

Maybe i should wait for him to start conversations instead of initiating them myself?
Wait for him to approach me instead of the other way around?

I wish there was some way i make him brutally blunt over night

(has no idea if these are typical ISTJ characteristics)

 

[Recoleta]

Generally, if I'm annoyed by someone, I just avoid them because then that way I don't have to pretend to be nice. So basically, if he's not avoiding you like the plague or trying at all costs to get out of a conversation with you then you're probably fine.

You're both introverts, so don't necessarily wait for him to engage you in conversation...if you always wait for him to take the initiative he'll probably think you're the one that's annoyed with him. If you want to have some sort of friendship with him, take a little initiative and just make yourself visible within their daily/weekly routine. Find some common ground to talk about, and just wait...he'll come around and will start to warm up to you a little.

IMO, ISTJs are blunt people...we just have to be comfortable enough around you to let you see it.

 

[Snow Turtle]

I'd think keeping conversations to the minimum would be a huge indicator, more so than they would normally do. Otherwise it's probably safe to say if you are distracting him during something important, he'd probably be agitated.

Easiest method is most likely to be friend him, or let it be known that you can take it? Or an even quicker method would be just blunt and tell him to tell you, to cut out all the fluffiness.

 

[Habba]

If I get annoyed by a person, I could do two things.. in given order.

1. Trying to minimize the contact with that person. I would still probably react politely, but wouldn't initiate a conversation or activity.
2. Say it out loud in frustration. This happens when I have used all my polite energy, and all that is left is my annoyment.


And now that I kept recalling my reactions to other people, I recalled what my friend said. When I get angry/annoyed, I become very impersonal... office-like person. I treat people as if I would be some sort of machine. I adjust my humor-level to zero, and maximize the "Just the facts"-level. Could be related to tertiary Fi-function (which according to some sources is the source of all things human).

So... if I give you short, accurate list as an answer, be aware for you have just faced my wrath.

EDIT: And if you want my bluntness, you must first be my friend. Only then I feel trustful enough to let you know what my SiTe-functions are really saying. And that's pretty darn blunt stuff, I'm telling you.

 

[Cimarron]

A friend of mine has said, "I can tell when you're angry. You're even quieter than usual." And in those times, when the person making me angry tries to talk to me, I keep my response intentionally very short--trying to cut conversation as short as possible.

If it's milder frustration, I will just say "Whatever" or "Yeah" in a way to mean "I'll agree with you if it'll end this conversation. I don't care anymore."

If I'm offended, that's a little different, because I kind of feel a desire to reply, to bite back, unfortunately. Of course I always try to hold that back, that's why I'd be "even quieter than usual," so if I can't hold back, it means I'm really offended, or annoyed, or don't like you; something like that.

 

[NewEra]

If you're annoying me, usually what happens is I'll let you know. However believe it or not, people rarely annoy me. Or if they do, it'll be for just a second, and then I don't worry about it. Generally if a situation is that annoying, I'll probably leave it if I can.

 

[jenocyde]

God, I love you ISTJs. I truly do.

What I've noticed is what you guys said - the cold shoulder, the short terse response. But then there is also the vicious gossiping behind the backs, which I'm sure no one here will admit to, but I've seen it a million times. The direct, deliberate character assassination.

When you get the short responses, it's either because they don't like you or they don't know you well enough to know if you are a threat. I see it all the time. When a new person is introduced to the circle, the ISTJs are the last ones to be accepting. But when you are one of the chosen ones, you can't shake these people away (unless there is work to be done).

What I would do is make a move toward diffusion and friendship. Be engaging. As an INTJ, it may be harder for you to understand what this means, so here is a previous semi-related post of mine:

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/637118-post5.html

 

[NewEra]

God, I love you ISTJs. I truly do.

What I've noticed is what you guys said - the cold shoulder, the short terse response. But then there is also the vicious gossiping behind the backs, which I'm sure no one here will admit to, but I've seen it a million times. The direct, deliberate character assassination.

Haha I don't know what ISTJs you know, but I sure as hell don't like to gossip about people behind their backs. It's pretty worthless, and creates bad feelings.

When you get the short responses, it's either because they don't like you or they don't know you well enough to know if you are a threat. I see it all the time. When a new person is introduced to the circle, the ISTJs are the last ones to be accepting. But when you are one of the chosen ones, you can't shake these people away (unless there is work to be done).

I could agree with the bold.

 

[ajblaise]

If you're doing something fun or cool, you're probably annoying an ISTJ.

 

[jenocyde]

Haha I don't know what ISTJs you know, but I sure as hell don't like to gossip about people behind their backs. It's pretty worthless, and creates bad feelings.

You probably don't even realize you are doing it. Talking to your friends about how much you don't like a person is gossip, in my eyes.

 

[NewEra]

If you're doing something fun or cool, you're probably annoying an ISTJ.

Yeah, nice open-mindedness here. Just misfitting things into false stereotypes. So I guess if you talk about anything besides Star Wars, you're annoying an INTP? Come on.

You probably don't even realize you are doing it. Talking to your friends about how much you don't like a person is gossip, in my eyes.

Like I said, I never talk about that with my friends. Life's too short to deal with that crap.

 

[jenocyde]

Yeah, nice open-mindedness here. Just misfitting things into false stereotypes. So I guess if you talk about anything besides Star Wars, you're annoying an INTP? Come on.

Like I said, I never talk about that with my friends. Life's too short to deal with that crap.

You probably don't even realize you are doing it. Talking to your friends about how much you don't like a person is gossip, in my eyes.

If you're doing something fun or cool, you're probably annoying an ISTJ.

I hope you know, we both were being tongue in cheek.

But I was serious with my other post.

 

[ajblaise]

I hope you know, we both were being tongue in cheek.

Yeah I guess that's what we get for trying to be light-hearted with an ISTJ. Soo typical of them. :rolli:

 

[Habba]

Yeah I guess that's what we get for trying to be light-hearted with an ISTJ. Soo typical of them. :rolli:

Well, it made me laugh.

 

[Amargith]

Not making sense (to them). It either pisses them off as it gives them a head ache or they stare at you like you're from Venus or something.

 

[IZthe411]

If I get annoyed by a person, I could do two things.. in given order.

1. Trying to minimize the contact with that person. I would still probably react politely, but wouldn't initiate a conversation or activity.
2. Say it out loud in frustration. This happens when I have used all my polite energy, and all that is left is my annoyment.


And now that I kept recalling my reactions to other people, I recalled what my friend said. When I get angry/annoyed, I become very impersonal... office-like person. I treat people as if I would be some sort of machine. I adjust my humor-level to zero, and maximize the "Just the facts"-level. Could be related to tertiary Fi-function (which according to some sources is the source of all things human).

So... if I give you short, accurate list as an answer, be aware for you have just faced my wrath.

EDIT: And if you want my bluntness, you must first be my friend. Only then I feel trustful enough to let you know what my SiTe-functions are really saying. And that's pretty darn blunt stuff, I'm telling you.

Amen to this all. Reflecting on my relationships the last few years, this is exactly me!

 

[ldzpplin518]

I have to agree with all the ISTJs on here. If I'm annoyed with someone, I become very "businesslike" and formal, hoping that you'll get the picture and just leave me alone.

Although for me, I tend to have a high annoyance tolerance. Only specific people annoy me whenever I see them. My close friends can almost never annoy me.

 

[Bunco]

God, I love you ISTJs. I truly do.

What I've noticed is what you guys said - the cold shoulder, the short terse response. But then there is also the vicious gossiping behind the backs, which I'm sure no one here will admit to, but I've seen it a million times. The direct, deliberate character assassination.
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/637118-post5.html

Haha yep, that's pretty much it exactly. Dealing with the person directly would solve the problem much more cleanly and efficiently but you can cause way more damage by avoiding them and just talking behind their backs.

If you're doing something fun or cool, you're probably annoying an ISTJ.

Shut up, that's not funny. You're so damn irritating sometimes, ajblaise...

 

[jenocyde]

Shut up, that's not funny. You're so damn irritating sometimes, ajblaise...

best. response. ever.

 

[browneyes94]

An ISTJ i know has "I don't want to be mean" personality factor, which can manifest itself through him being nice to people even when they are annoying him, so how would i know if i am annoying him?

Maybe i should wait for him to start conversations instead of initiating them myself?
Wait for him to approach me instead of the other way around?

I wish there was some way i make him brutally blunt over night

(has no idea if these are typical ISTJ characteristics)

Well, i get annoyed at many people. It could be because they interrupted my conversation with someone, talk excessively, something like that. but i'm still nice to everyone, even if i dont like them. not everyone can get along with each other, so we have to at least be polite right?
In conclusion, I wont show that im annoyed, but if they still talk to you, say hi once in a while, if they still ask you 'How's life?' and stuff like that then your safe

Hope i helped.