User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 28

  1. #1
    Senior Member SubjectA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    164

    Default ISFJ's and jealousy

    So last night I was talking to a friend of mine online, who happens to be a guy. My ISFJ looked over my shoulder and asked, "Oh, is that your boyfriend?" I didn't really think he was being serious, but I said "Of course not. He's a friend." He still acted a little huffy for the rest of the night, but I couldn't tell if he was serious about it or not.

    He didn't even want me touching him for the rest of the night, though he still talked to me as usual. He also grumbled something about me ignoring him and talking to my "boyfriend." I continued to explain that this guy was only a friend. And here I am still very confused.

    This morning was a bit better. He was back to wanting to cuddle and be close. So I guess I feel a bit more relieved now, but still a little confused.

    So is it typical for an ISFJ to get jealous easily? Any advice on dealing with this or explaining it?

  2. #2

    Default

    I think naturally, it's easy for them to get jealous. Because they like constant affirmation and affection, when they see someone else getting attention (particularly another person of the same gender with their SO) they make comparisons and feel like they should be the ones receiving the attention. Of course, ISFJ's need to learn to control this tendency if present and realise that not every person that you talk to means that you are replacing them.

    But I do think it would be a common thing in ISFJ's and that they have to learn to realise this and get over it/control it. Just make sure you show him lots of affirmation of his own afterwards.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    ESFJ
    Posts
    4,915

    Default

    Hope you don't mind me answering.

    With my ex, i was never jealous when he went out of an evening. I was not jealous of the female attention he received in public or at work.

    It was the internet where i got jealous. Being an INTJ he couldn't see when girls were hitting on him. He loved the attention to his ego. Also when i would walk into the room he would x the msn message box. No trust.

    On one occasion when i was so jealous as he wanted to meet her in Amstadam so she could show him the sights, i got a key logger and put it on the computer. Call it intuition. Caught him red handed crossing the boundaries.

    Never mind.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  4. #4
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    8
    Posts
    13,881

    Default

    Wait. you like cuddling?
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  5. #5
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lightning_Rider View Post
    I think naturally, it's easy for them to get jealous. Because they like constant affirmation and affection, when they see someone else getting attention (particularly another person of the same gender with their SO) they make comparisons and feel like they should be the ones receiving the attention.
    This part.

    What about social expectations and inherent role dynamics?

    I.e., if I am the significant other in your life, then there are certain behaviors and privileges attached to that role that are not part of other roles (friends, parents, siblings, coworkers, etc.) and perhaps if you enact behavior that the ISFJ believes is part and parcel of the SO role, then feathers get ruffled?

    ... sorry if I did not word this coherently, I feel like I could have worded it better but can't think of it right now.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #6
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default

    My ISFJ doesn't verbalize his jealousy if he is. He said he used to be a lot more that way, but he's learned how to control it.

  7. #7
    Senior Member SubjectA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    164

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Hope you don't mind me answering.

    With my ex, i was never jealous when he went out of an evening. I was not jealous of the female attention he received in public or at work.

    It was the internet where i got jealous. Being an INTJ he couldn't see when girls were hitting on him. He loved the attention to his ego. Also when i would walk into the room he would x the msn message box. No trust.

    On one occasion when i was so jealous as he wanted to meet her in Amstadam so she could show him the sights, i got a key logger and put it on the computer. Call it intuition. Caught him red handed crossing the boundaries.

    Never mind.
    I think I see what you're saying. Perhaps as we were having a friendly conversation he saw that as flirting (even though I really wasn't)? I know sometimes he goes on and on about the intentions of someone else, and more often than not he is correct about it. Hmmm... Perhaps my friend really was flirting and I didn't see it?

    Either way, I wish I could just make him see that it wasn't flirting. *sigh*

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Wait. you like cuddling?
    Is that a problem?

  8. #8
    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    7
    Socionics
    ESFj
    Posts
    319

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SubjectA View Post
    So last night I was talking to a friend of mine online, who happens to be a guy. My ISFJ looked over my shoulder and asked, "Oh, is that your boyfriend?" I didn't really think he was being serious, but I said "Of course not. He's a friend." He still acted a little huffy for the rest of the night, but I couldn't tell if he was serious about it or not.

    He didn't even want me touching him for the rest of the night, though he still talked to me as usual. He also grumbled something about me ignoring him and talking to my "boyfriend." I continued to explain that this guy was only a friend. And here I am still very confused.

    This morning was a bit better. He was back to wanting to cuddle and be close. So I guess I feel a bit more relieved now, but still a little confused.

    So is it typical for an ISFJ to get jealous easily? Any advice on dealing with this or explaining it?
    Like a typical INTJ you're missing the obvious point! (that's a joke) The ISFJ isn't so upset because you were talking to someone of the opposite sex, it's that you were ignoring him to talk to someone else of the opposite sex. Just because he acted better in the morning, don't assume that means he's totally fine with it. I would reassure him that you won't ignore him to talk to people of the opposite sex anymore and then make good on that but let him know that he needs to trust you and try to remember not to take things you do so personally because you don't mean it like that at all. Even if you don't believe you were doing that (which is entirely possible) that's how he perceived it. So you should both try to accommodate each other.
    E - 79% I - 21%
    S - 53% N - 47%
    T - 32% F - 68%
    J - 32% P - 68%

    ESFP


  9. #9
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    ESFJ
    Posts
    4,915

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SubjectA View Post
    I think I see what you're saying. Perhaps as we were having a friendly conversation he saw that as flirting (even though I really wasn't)? I know sometimes he goes on and on about the intentions of someone else, and more often than not he is correct about it. Hmmm... Perhaps my friend really was flirting and I didn't see it?

    Either way, I wish I could just make him see that it wasn't flirting. *sigh*
    But it never bothered me that he was being friendly, even flirting with girls.
    It bothered me that he was being secretive about it. Like he had something to hide.
    If you're being honest and open with your partner, then i don't see why he should have issues with it.

    Curious now.. How long you have you been dating him?
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  10. #10

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KarenParker View Post
    Like a typical INTJ you're missing the obvious point! (that's a joke) The ISFJ isn't so upset because you were talking to someone of the opposite sex, it's that you were ignoring him to talk to someone else of the opposite sex. Just because he acted better in the morning, don't assume that means he's totally fine with it. I would reassure him that you won't ignore him to talk to people of the opposite sex anymore and then make good on that but let him know that he needs to trust you and try to remember not to take things you do so personally because you don't mean it like that at all. Even if you don't believe you were doing that (which is entirely possible) that's how he perceived it. So you should both try to accommodate each other.
    I think this is a good idea, I think I would appreciate this. It's honest, open and straightforward, which ISFJ's usually go for.

Similar Threads

  1. [ISFJ] ISFJ men and womanizing? Is this even accurate?
    By Netochka in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 06-25-2013, 01:52 AM
  2. [ISFJ] isfjs, children and animals
    By Anabel in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 12-14-2009, 10:17 AM
  3. [ISFJ] ISFJ's and "cute mode"
    By substitute in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 43
    Last Post: 07-19-2009, 08:35 AM
  4. [ISTJ] ISTJs and Jealousy... is it possible?
    By 2XtremeENFP in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 05-30-2009, 11:26 PM
  5. [ISFJ] ISFJ's and Psychology (career)
    By Hawker45 in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 04-17-2009, 02:03 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO