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  1. #11
    Senior Member SubjectA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    But it never bothered me that he was being friendly, even flirting with girls.
    It bothered me that he was being secretive about it. Like he had something to hide.
    If you're being honest and open with your partner, then i don't see why he should have issues with it.

    Curious now.. How long you have you been dating him?
    A year and nine months.

  2. #12
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    I was together with an ISFJ for five years - lived together in the house we owned and everything... And yes - she was the jealous type. She would go through my email, phone, phone bill, etc. She didn't like me to hang out with friends unless she was also present. When we did go out together she would watch me like a hawk and not like to leave my side. If she did see me talking with someone, she would get really suspicious, upset, and accusatory - in fact she accused me of affairs constantly although I have never ever cheated. She was jealous of everyone - from neighbors, to the mailman, to colleagues, to friends...

    I'm not saying that all ISFJs are like this however.

  3. #13
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KarenParker View Post
    Like a typical INTJ you're missing the obvious point! (that's a joke) The ISFJ isn't so upset because you were talking to someone of the opposite sex, it's that you were ignoring him to talk to someone else of the opposite sex. Just because he acted better in the morning, don't assume that means he's totally fine with it. I would reassure him that you won't ignore him to talk to people of the opposite sex anymore and then make good on that but let him know that he needs to trust you and try to remember not to take things you do so personally because you don't mean it like that at all. Even if you don't believe you were doing that (which is entirely possible) that's how he perceived it. So you should both try to accommodate each other.

    Wait, am I missreading this, or are you advising her to pander to his jealousy?

    She was talking to a male friend online, this is something that could happen again, whilst he is there, to make good on her promise not to ignore him to talk to someone else of the opposite sex, I presume she would have to not talk to her male freind, which is pandering to a jealousy that shouldn't be pandered to.

    You say they should both try to accomodate each other, which I agree with, but in your advice I only see what accomodates him, not her.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  4. #14
    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Wait, am I missreading this, or are you advising her to pander to his jealousy?

    She was talking to a male friend online, this is something that could happen again, whilst he is there, to make good on her promise not to ignore him to talk to someone else of the opposite sex, I presume she would have to not talk to her male freind, which is pandering to a jealousy that shouldn't be pandered to.

    You say they should both try to accomodate each other, which I agree with, but in your advice I only see what accomodates him, not her.
    It's the ignoring part that's key here. I wasn't suggesting he not talk to people of the opposite sex anymore. Just try not to ignore her partner to talk to this person.
    E - 79% I - 21%
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    J - 32% P - 68%

    ESFP


  5. #15
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KarenParker View Post
    It's the ignoring part that's key here. I wasn't suggesting he not talk to people of the opposite sex anymore. Just try not to ignore her partner to talk to this person.
    I am sorry but does anyone else see a problem with the bolded sentence.

    I don't think anyone should behave that way. That is showing some serious insecurities and trust issues.
    In a sense you do ignore (that is an incorrect word for this situation) your partner when talking to someone else because the other person has your undivided attention. You shouldn't have to please someone else all the time.
    Isn't that give and take. And respect.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  6. #16
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    It was the internet where i got jealous. Being an INTJ he couldn't see when girls were hitting on him. He loved the attention to his ego. Also when i would walk into the room he would x the msn message box. No trust.
    I do this and have always done this no matter who I am talking to. The reason is that I may be conversing with someone about something in confidence. I think it would be just as bad for someone to walk by and read the conversation when the person confiding in me has no idea it was just breached. I'm not insecure so I can't understand it being an issue. It is a blanket policy I have with IM conversations so if that lead my SO instantaneously connect minimizing the window to having no trust then there are much bigger issues afloat.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    I do this and have always done this no matter who I am talking to. The reason is that I may be conversing with someone about something in confidence. I think it would be just as bad for someone to walk by and read the conversation when the person confiding in me has no idea it was just breached. I'm not insecure so I can't understand it being an issue. It is a blanket policy I have with IM conversations so if that lead my SO instantaneously connect minimizing the window to having no trust then there are much bigger issues afloat.

    I wouldn't sit there and watch the conversation unfolding. There wasn't a lot of transparency though. He just liked female attention.

    Never mind.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  8. #18
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    I am sorry but does anyone else see a problem with the bolded sentence.

    I don't think anyone should behave that way. That is showing some serious insecurities and trust issues.
    In a sense you do ignore (that is an incorrect word for this situation) your partner when talking to someone else because the other person has your undivided attention. You shouldn't have to please someone else all the time.
    Isn't that give and take. And respect.

    I agree.

    I've have pandered to a mans insecurities before, and it never ever appeases them, they never ever grow out of or learn to trust you, they just keep on taking and taking until there is no you, just them left.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  9. #19
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    I do this and have always done this no matter who I am talking to. The reason is that I may be conversing with someone about something in confidence. I think it would be just as bad for someone to walk by and read the conversation when the person confiding in me has no idea it was just breached. I'm not insecure so I can't understand it being an issue. It is a blanket policy I have with IM conversations so if that lead my SO instantaneously connect minimizing the window to having no trust then there are much bigger issues afloat.
    I don't believe that there are necessarily bigger issues. It is kind of bad, no matter how one tries to rationalize it.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  10. #20
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I can be jealous and possessive at times.

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