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  1. #11
    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
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    bondedness - feeling like you belong with that other person and they belong to you. A mutual emotional attachment and affection.

    closeness - mutual emotional vulnerability

    romance - doing sweet things for each other to express how you feel about each other in a symbolic way
    E - 79% I - 21%
    S - 53% N - 47%
    T - 32% F - 68%
    J - 32% P - 68%

    ESFP


  2. #12
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KarenParker View Post
    Yes INTJs really don't like to be vulnerable and express their emotions. Often times, I think they really couldn't tell you what they're feeling. But part of the joy of having feelings is the reward you get from expressing them and being vulnerable. It enriches your relationship and makes you feel the good feelings.
    +1.
    NTJ's can express themselves (never saw the vulnerability though myself until the end) but its just different from the way we do it. One is not necessarily better than the other.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  3. #13
    Senior Member SubjectA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    +1.
    NTJ's can express themselves (never saw the vulnerability though myself until the end) but its just different from the way we do it. One is not necessarily better than the other.
    That's true. More often than not our feelings are translated into thoughts. You'll more than likely hear me say "I think..." instead of "I feel..." It only becomes a problem when we don't know why we're feeling the way we are and therefore, can't translate those feelings.

    I don't know about other rationals but when I let my raw feelings speak for me, I tend to say things I quickly regret.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SubjectA View Post
    That's true. More often than not our feelings are translated into thoughts. You'll more than likely hear me say "I think..." instead of "I feel..." It only becomes a problem when we don't know why we're feeling the way we are and therefore, can't translate those feelings.

    I don't know about other rationals but when I let my raw feelings speak for me, I tend to say things I quickly regret.

    That is exactly what i have learnt from this site. Being with my ex (INTJ) for 6years, things were never expressed so although he said 'i love you' .. there was never anything else, so naturally you start questioning.
    Best example i can give - Just as the relationship was ending, i said to him, you never openly expressed how you felt about me', he gave me an example, 'Sarah, you hated making the children's sandwiches for school (this is true), i made those sandwiches for you for the kids because i knew you didn't like doing it AND because i love you, i express my feelings through my actions, not my words' .. Damn, if only that was explained years sooner, then i wouldn't of been on his case all the time.

    Would you talk to your partner though when you don't know why you are feeling whatever feeling it is .. Or do you need time out to process the feelings alone? I have heard that INTJ's take ownership of their own feelings and thoughts and this is maybe why they can seen as somewhat distant sometimes in relationships. What are your thoughts?
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  5. #15
    Senior Member SubjectA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    That is exactly what i have learnt from this site. Being with my ex (INTJ) for 6years, things were never expressed so although he said 'i love you' .. there was never anything else, so naturally you start questioning.
    Best example i can give - Just as the relationship was ending, i said to him, you never openly expressed how you felt about me', he gave me an example, 'Sarah, you hated making the children's sandwiches for school (this is true), i made those sandwiches for you for the kids because i knew you didn't like doing it AND because i love you, i express my feelings through my actions, not my words' .. Damn, if only that was explained years sooner, then i wouldn't of been on his case all the time.

    Would you talk to your partner though when you don't know why you are feeling whatever feeling it is .. Or do you need time out to process the feelings alone? I have heard that INTJ's take ownership of their own feelings and thoughts and this is maybe why they can seen as somewhat distant sometimes in relationships. What are your thoughts?
    Most of the time we need to reach these conclusions on our own. It's extremely difficult to try to explain something that doesn't even make sense to you.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #16
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SubjectA View Post
    Most of the time we need to reach these conclusions on our own. It's extremely difficult to try to explain something that doesn't even make sense to you.
    For as much as i envey you guys. To not know why i feel the way i do. I supose there are some blessings for being SJ's then.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  7. #17
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    The ISFJ I was with for five years had a tough time with emotional intimacy. She tended to keep things bottled up inside. It made it difficult to feel emotionally close to her because her guard was always up, emotions walled off. She also did not display much facial affect in the way of emotions, except for sulky/angry when she would get upset at me for not cleaning.

    I felt like she was more in the role of *helpmate* (tasks) than *emotionally intimate* or *mindmate.*

    She showed her love through *doing* not *saying* or providing *feedback* or *intellectual engagement* which for me as an ENFP was difficult because we do need *at least* some verbal feedback/exchange to thrive it seems.

    Sometimes I didn't even know something had upset her - it's like she would silently collect incidents that had upset her and had just *sucked it up* at the moment, but then exploded later on down the line out of the blue over something small because she had failed to address things at the moment they occurred and they consequently built up.

    Again, I realize that probably not all ISFJs are this way. But that was my experience.

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