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  1. #1
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Default SJs Killing Spontaneity

    I love you SJs SO much, but The Plan always wins. Once there is a plan in your mind, it seems to take a lot of effort for you to warm to the idea of something new or doing something different. And, it kind of kills the fun sometimes. What are your thoughts on this? What is my best response? Is it something that can be worked on--on both ends? I'm sure we NPs drive you crazy with our spontaneous whims... but... hmm...

    It's easier if I give context:

    Me (3:09:20 PM): "Remember, this may be when I'm at the beach! I won't know for sure until I see how this trial is going this week. Also, I have to help my sister today at the verizon store...if you're up to doing something later (maybe 8:00 or so), I'd be game. I'll keep you posted."
    Me (3:09:24 PM): so structured
    Me (3:09:26 PM): who writes like that?
    Me (3:09:47 PM): oh that's right...my boyfriend does
    Me (3:09:51 PM): ridiculous
    jock (3:10:01 PM): Yeah he's got everything planned out.
    jock (3:10:04 PM): Look at that. very SFJ
    jock (3:10:14 PM): updates you as to others personal plans too.
    Me (3:10:15 PM): my response? "render me a calendar. and, post me please"
    Me (3:10:31 PM): he probably will not understaand what i mean
    Me (3:10:45 PM): n-s dissssconnect
    Me (3:11:15 PM): it is kind of cute, i wish he'd admit to being that way
    Me (3:11:33 PM): he got all bent out of shape when i called him at 2 am
    Me (3:11:40 PM): i told him he was being unreasonable
    jock (3:11:52 PM): Lol he got pissed at that?
    Me (3:11:58 PM): "it was not an appropriate time to have that conversation"
    Me (3:12:01 PM): hahaha
    Me (3:12:26 PM): he was like "you wouldn't even let me get off the phone or say goodbye to me"
    Me (3:12:31 PM): me: "You hung up on me!"
    Me (3:12:45 PM): him: "you wouldn't say goodbye! i said we should have this conversation in the morning"
    Me (3:12:51 PM): me: "...at an appropriate time"
    Me (3:13:12 PM): how come he gets to determine that anyway
    Me (3:13:19 PM): he is a killer of spontaneity
    Me (3:13:33 PM): i'm working on beating it out of him
    Me (3:13:47 PM): the fact that he wants to see me tonight anyway says something
    Me (3:13:57 PM): ordinarily one event (the verizon store) would be enough for him
    jock (3:14:02 PM): LOL
    jock (3:14:09 PM): same for my ESTJ really.
    jock (3:14:19 PM): Sometimes she'll say "Oh I have to go do this."
    jock (3:14:28 PM): And I'm like "Okay, well how about after that."
    jock (3:14:45 PM): And she says "...but I have to go do this."

  2. #2
    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    Default

    I have to admit it. Yes, I hate spur of the moment changes. Unless, you earned enough or have enough money for me to quit my life and fly off to some exotic land to have dinner..
    Johari / Nohari

    Enneagram 1w2/Lifepath 1/first zodiac sign Aries/first Chinese zodiac sign RAT/first born in my siblings of 3. Did I forget to mention first?

    Independent Director

  3. #3
    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    Oh and calling at 2 a.m. there has to be an emergency or as stated above, you + tons of money asking to travel to distant land at 2 a.m. = me with no life.

    There isn't that simple really..
    Johari / Nohari

    Enneagram 1w2/Lifepath 1/first zodiac sign Aries/first Chinese zodiac sign RAT/first born in my siblings of 3. Did I forget to mention first?

    Independent Director

  4. #4
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Default

    It really really depends on the whos and whys of the spontaneity, for me. The larger, more complex the situation differs from whatever was planned makes it harder to accept the spontaneous change.

  5. #5
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Sounds like you're being an ass at making fun of him.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  6. #6
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Default

    I'll expand for the sake of conversation.

    My SJ likes the idea of spontaneity. She just can't handle it actually being executed. At all. If anything, she plans for the possibility, which obviously defeats the purpose. She doesn't like her routine to be violated at all, so if I suggest alternative it just doesn't happen.

    Like Rachel said, one "event" is typically enough for her and she'll be done for the rest of the night.



  7. #7
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    I would be grumpy too if someone called me at 2 am (if I was sleeping, that is). But he actually doesn't sound that structured as some hardcore SJs.

  8. #8
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post

    My SJ likes the idea of spontaneity. She just can't handle it actually being executed. At all. If anything, she plans for the possibility, which obviously defeats the purpose.
    Like Rachel said, one "event" is typically enough for her and she'll be done for the rest of the night.
    Yup, guilty as charged...I know I plan for the possibility all the time. Honestly, I am just a planner. I constantly think about what my next move will be, and how am I going to do it as efficiently as possible. If I have obligations to fulfill, forget it...spontaneity loses.

    I think the only time you can catch me be spontaneous is if I am on vacation (or completely removed from any and all obligations). Otherwise, I just can't fully enjoy myself. I can force myself to go along with the action of being spontaneous, but my mind never quite allows me to be free of obligation.

    Also, as for the calling at 2 a.m. thing -- Do NOT ever call me in the middle of the night to tell me something unless it is life-or-death important and requires some sort of immediate action on my part. It doesn't matter how much I may love you, I can assure you I will not want to talk to you at that time. See, this is the way my brain works if awoken in the middle of the night:

    *conversation ends*
    1) *conversation is replayed in head at least once*
    2) What time is it?
    3) Crap, that means I only have "x" hours until I have to be awake again
    4) What do I even have to do tomorrow? *runs through mental schedule*
    5) Is everything I need to do for tomorrow ready to go in the morning?
    a) Yes, everything is done, don't worry about it....*continues to worry...surely I've forgotten something.* Or I will improve upon already-existing ideas
    b) No, you procrastinated and you still have stuff to take care of...now that you're up you should just go ahead and do it.
    6) *Eventually fall back to sleep many hours later, and awaken grumpy and tired the next morning*

    You have ruined my night, I hope your conversation was worth it. Thanks a lot...lol!

  9. #9
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Don't call people at a time when they're likely to be sleeping? That's just polite...
    Other than that, yay spontaneity.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
    - Costrin

  10. #10
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    some people are attracted to SJs loyalty and responsiblility yet want to change those very things cos it's not all fun and games all the time, and thus they feel torn. Sad panda. then there are others who are just superficially attracted to an SJ and they just want the SJ to loosen up goddamnit and stop being so SJish. Loosen up, all the way around. In the case of the latter, I'd say dump the SJ because you've got the wrong person.

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