• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[SJ] SJs Killing Spontaneity

Rachelinpa

New member
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Messages
878
MBTI Type
ENFP
I love you SJs SO much, but The Plan always wins. Once there is a plan in your mind, it seems to take a lot of effort for you to warm to the idea of something new or doing something different. And, it kind of kills the fun sometimes. What are your thoughts on this? What is my best response? Is it something that can be worked on--on both ends? I'm sure we NPs drive you crazy with our spontaneous whims... but... hmm...

It's easier if I give context:

Me (3:09:20 PM): "Remember, this may be when I'm at the beach! I won't know for sure until I see how this trial is going this week. Also, I have to help my sister today at the verizon store...if you're up to doing something later (maybe 8:00 or so), I'd be game. I'll keep you posted."
Me (3:09:24 PM): so structured
Me (3:09:26 PM): who writes like that?
Me (3:09:47 PM): oh that's right...my boyfriend does
Me (3:09:51 PM): ridiculous
jock (3:10:01 PM): Yeah he's got everything planned out.
jock (3:10:04 PM): Look at that. very SFJ
jock (3:10:14 PM): updates you as to others personal plans too.
Me (3:10:15 PM): my response? "render me a calendar. and, post me please"
Me (3:10:31 PM): he probably will not understaand what i mean
Me (3:10:45 PM): n-s dissssconnect
Me (3:11:15 PM): it is kind of cute, i wish he'd admit to being that way
Me (3:11:33 PM): he got all bent out of shape when i called him at 2 am
Me (3:11:40 PM): i told him he was being unreasonable
jock (3:11:52 PM): Lol he got pissed at that?
Me (3:11:58 PM): "it was not an appropriate time to have that conversation"
Me (3:12:01 PM): hahaha
Me (3:12:26 PM): he was like "you wouldn't even let me get off the phone or say goodbye to me"
Me (3:12:31 PM): me: "You hung up on me!"
Me (3:12:45 PM): him: "you wouldn't say goodbye! i said we should have this conversation in the morning"
Me (3:12:51 PM): me: "...at an appropriate time"
Me (3:13:12 PM): how come he gets to determine that anyway
Me (3:13:19 PM): he is a killer of spontaneity
Me (3:13:33 PM): i'm working on beating it out of him
Me (3:13:47 PM): the fact that he wants to see me tonight anyway says something
Me (3:13:57 PM): ordinarily one event (the verizon store) would be enough for him
jock (3:14:02 PM): LOL
jock (3:14:09 PM): same for my ESTJ really.
jock (3:14:19 PM): Sometimes she'll say "Oh I have to go do this."
jock (3:14:28 PM): And I'm like "Okay, well how about after that."
jock (3:14:45 PM): And she says "...but I have to go do this."
 

Eiddy

Pronounced eye-ee-dee
Joined
Apr 20, 2009
Messages
757
MBTI Type
DEAD
Enneagram
1w2
I have to admit it. Yes, I hate spur of the moment changes. Unless, you earned enough or have enough money for me to quit my life and fly off to some exotic land to have dinner..
 

Eiddy

Pronounced eye-ee-dee
Joined
Apr 20, 2009
Messages
757
MBTI Type
DEAD
Enneagram
1w2
Oh and calling at 2 a.m. there has to be an emergency or as stated above, you + tons of money asking to travel to distant land at 2 a.m. = me with no life. :D

There isn't that simple really..
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
It really really depends on the whos and whys of the spontaneity, for me. The larger, more complex the situation differs from whatever was planned makes it harder to accept the spontaneous change.
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
5,903
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
7w8
Sounds like you're being an ass at making fun of him.
 

JocktheMotie

Habitual Fi LineStepper
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
8,491
I'll expand for the sake of conversation.

My SJ likes the idea of spontaneity. She just can't handle it actually being executed. At all. If anything, she plans for the possibility, which obviously defeats the purpose. She doesn't like her routine to be violated at all, so if I suggest alternative it just doesn't happen.

Like Rachel said, one "event" is typically enough for her and she'll be done for the rest of the night.
 

NewEra

New member
Joined
Dec 21, 2008
Messages
3,104
MBTI Type
I
I would be grumpy too if someone called me at 2 am (if I was sleeping, that is). But he actually doesn't sound that structured as some hardcore SJs.
 

Recoleta

No me digas, che!
Joined
Aug 8, 2007
Messages
600
MBTI Type
ISXJ
My SJ likes the idea of spontaneity. She just can't handle it actually being executed. At all. If anything, she plans for the possibility, which obviously defeats the purpose.
Like Rachel said, one "event" is typically enough for her and she'll be done for the rest of the night.

Yup, guilty as charged...I know I plan for the possibility all the time. Honestly, I am just a planner. I constantly think about what my next move will be, and how am I going to do it as efficiently as possible. If I have obligations to fulfill, forget it...spontaneity loses.

I think the only time you can catch me be spontaneous is if I am on vacation (or completely removed from any and all obligations). Otherwise, I just can't fully enjoy myself. I can force myself to go along with the action of being spontaneous, but my mind never quite allows me to be free of obligation.

Also, as for the calling at 2 a.m. thing -- Do NOT ever call me in the middle of the night to tell me something unless it is life-or-death important and requires some sort of immediate action on my part. It doesn't matter how much I may love you, I can assure you I will not want to talk to you at that time. See, this is the way my brain works if awoken in the middle of the night:

*conversation ends*
1) *conversation is replayed in head at least once*
2) What time is it?
3) Crap, that means I only have "x" hours until I have to be awake again
4) What do I even have to do tomorrow? *runs through mental schedule*
5) Is everything I need to do for tomorrow ready to go in the morning?
a) Yes, everything is done, don't worry about it....*continues to worry...surely I've forgotten something.* Or I will improve upon already-existing ideas​
b) No, you procrastinated and you still have stuff to take care of...now that you're up you should just go ahead and do it.​
6) *Eventually fall back to sleep many hours later, and awaken grumpy and tired the next morning*

You have ruined my night, I hope your conversation was worth it. Thanks a lot...lol!
 

Costrin

rawr
Joined
Nov 1, 2008
Messages
2,320
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
Don't call people at a time when they're likely to be sleeping? That's just polite...
Other than that, yay spontaneity.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
MBTI Type
iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
some people are attracted to SJs loyalty and responsiblility yet want to change those very things cos it's not all fun and games all the time, and thus they feel torn. Sad panda. then there are others who are just superficially attracted to an SJ and they just want the SJ to loosen up goddamnit and stop being so SJish. Loosen up, all the way around. In the case of the latter, I'd say dump the SJ because you've got the wrong person.
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
Yup, guilty as charged...I know I plan for the possibility all the time. Honestly, I am just a planner. I constantly think about what my next move will be, and how am I going to do it as efficiently as possible. If I have obligations to fulfill, forget it...spontaneity loses.

I think the only time you can catch me be spontaneous is if I am on vacation (or completely removed from any and all obligations). Otherwise, I just can't fully enjoy myself. I can force myself to go along with the action of being spontaneous, but my mind never quite allows me to be free of obligation.

Also, as for the calling at 2 a.m. thing -- Do NOT ever call me in the middle of the night to tell me something unless it is life-or-death important and requires some sort of immediate action on my part. It doesn't matter how much I may love you, I can assure you I will not want to talk to you at that time. See, this is the way my brain works if awoken in the middle of the night:

*conversation ends*
1) *conversation is replayed in head at least once*
2) What time is it?
3) Crap, that means I only have "x" hours until I have to be awake again
4) What do I even have to do tomorrow? *runs through mental schedule*
5) Is everything I need to do for tomorrow ready to go in the morning?
a) Yes, everything is done, don't worry about it....*continues to worry...surely I've forgotten something.* Or I will improve upon already-existing ideas​
b) No, you procrastinated and you still have stuff to take care of...now that you're up you should just go ahead and do it.​
6) *Eventually fall back to sleep many hours later, and awaken grumpy and tired the next morning*

You have ruined my night, I hope your conversation was worth it. Thanks a lot...lol!


Great Points. My girl's job took her to NYC on July 5, so she asked me to come along, with her sisters and their husbands as well. We were supposed to leave at 12. From the first text message I sent her that morning, EVERYTHING changed, and we didn't leave until after 3. I was sooo pissed, because I had everything planned out in my head, and none of my plans played out, instead I 'went with the flow' as her ENFJ (by my guesstimate) brother advised me.

Yes we had a good time in the end, but it wrecked my nerves with all the changes.
 

Rachelinpa

New member
Joined
Aug 4, 2008
Messages
878
MBTI Type
ENFP
Also, as for the calling at 2 a.m. thing -- Do NOT ever call me in the middle of the night to tell me something unless it is life-or-death important and requires some sort of immediate action on my part. It doesn't matter how much I may love you, I can assure you I will not want to talk to you at that time.

Fascinating. I often love being awakened from my slumber for a random conversation. It makes me feel thought of and loved.
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
ESFJ
I love you SJs SO much, but The Plan always wins. Once there is a plan in your mind, it seems to take a lot of effort for you to warm to the idea of something new or doing something different. And, it kind of kills the fun sometimes. What are your thoughts on this? What is my best response? Is it something that can be worked on--on both ends? I'm sure we NPs drive you crazy with our spontaneous whims... but... hmm...

The actual conversation .. just blah, blah, blah. OK

New ideas .. Bring it on. Just don't tell me, oh i think we should do this, that and the other then not do it. Can't get me all excited for nothing. Thats rude.

If someone is going to meet me at a certain time, be there on time. I had a temper tantrum today (first real one this year so i wont give myself a hard time) because i was waiting to pick up someones kid and they didn't turn up. I actually had a life today and was busy. :steam:

This 2am call thing. Please leave it until daylight at least. :)
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
LOL Why is that?

Because I am strong J myself. One of the rare things that can I really enjoy is planning and killing sponteneity. However there a differences since my N is quite strong as well. Which means that I usually see outcomes more clearly then SJs so that makes difference in planning. For example I do less micro-managment then a typical SJ and I don't get annoyed by changes in plan that much. However I prefer organized to unorganized always.
 

IZthe411

Carerra Lu
Joined
Jul 19, 2009
Messages
2,585
MBTI Type
INTJ
Because I am strong J myself. One of the rare things that can I really enjoy is planning and killing sponteneity. However there a differences since my N is quite strong as well. Which means that I usually see outcomes more clearly then SJs so that makes difference in planning. For example I do less
micro-managment then a typical SJ and I don't get annoyed by changes in plan that much. However I prefer organized to unsorganized always.
\

So as an N, you see the variety of outcomes and since one of them will happen, you are comfortabale with it?

Of the 8 different types, N is the one thing that I understand the least.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
\

So as an N, you see the variety of outcomes and since one of them will happen, you are comfortabale with it?

Of the 8 different types, N is the one thing that I understand the least.

Yes, since N means not living in the present/real world. Especially if you are an introvert as well. (I am simplifing but in general this is it)

You should try finding some threads about N. Maybe they will help you understand. But from what I saw they confuse SJs even more abou the entire N thing.

I will stop here since we are killing the thread. We can discuss this somwhere else.
 

Ozz

New member
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
197
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Me (3:13:19 PM): he is a killer of spontaneity
Me (3:13:33 PM): i'm working on beating it out of him
Do you plan to beat the killer of spontaneity out of him by being more spontaneous? That might not work very well.
 
Top