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  1. #31
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    Funny my ESFJ friend tells me she's really boring sometimes. She is a lot of fun actually, but in a very planned and structured way. But if I plan something last minute she NEVER comes, despite the fact we've been friends all our lives. If she has a spot in her schedule open and I book her in advance, she'll come.

    We had a conversation about this last week about this contrasting nature between us. I told her I rarely know my weekend plans until Friday or actual day. If someone else doesn't plan something I'll call up friends and we'll do something. It never fails me. She has a lot of her life booked two months in advance.

    And yet we both have very active social lives. Both methods produce the same result. Though her desire to plan everything also means she misses out on a lot of fun. And my last minute plans don't always work 100% the way I want them to.
    ENFP Male: E-74% N-95% F-58% P-84% 3w2
    "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." -Kim Basinger

  2. #32
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    Usually when I attempt to be spontaneous, I end up saying... "wtf was I thinking?! " Hence, the planning.
    Yeah you kill it by stressing out the whole time you're supposed to be enjoying it.

    I called out of work in April- because I had someting I NEEDED to do, and felt like I needed to go to confession.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheChosenOne View Post
    I don't think they're related to each other. Thinking outside the box is thinking about something in different and novel ways. Sponteaneity is just... being impulsive and spur-of-the-moment.
    OK .. To do something spur of the moment is doing something in a different manner, esp if your not usually accustomed to being spontaneous. They both require though, a simple yes or no.
    Maybe i am just thinking black and white. Never mind.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  4. #34

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    Gotta admit I would think it to be pretty weird if someone called me at 2AM and I was already fast asleep. Unless it was an emergency or at the least felt it couldn't wait till morning. And yeah, I hate being forced into being spontaneous. I like to plan things out and then have those plans executed exactly how I planned them to happen. A little deviation is alright as long as the plan generally holds its shape.

    But don't force him too much Rachel... if he is a J, then that's part of who he is and he won't want to be changed. There was once this girl that tried to tell me how much she hated planning and how I 'needed' to be more spontaneous (before I knew about MBTI) and since I was young I almost let her talk me into believing that, even though I am pretty J and being P is quite hard for me. But really, you don't want to try and change who he is, he won't appreciate it and in the long run it won't be healthy for the relationship. I think you've either got to accept it as part of a being a J or move on. I think you know that though, but just sayin'...

    But at the same time, it's important that he be willing to compromise a bit too. So spontaneous once in a while, but you have to stick to the plan sometimes as well. I think if you are both aware of this difference and you are both willing to compromise an equal amount as needed, then things will go much more smoothly...

  5. #35
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Me (3:13:12 PM): how come he gets to determine that anyway
    Because they're SJs and they ALWAYS WIN

  6. #36
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Because they're SJs and they ALWAYS WIN
    I know, right. I sent him these posts and said, "I guess there are others like you." And, he wrote back, "Of course I'm right." Punk. awww! i love it.

  7. #37
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    i got your back

  8. #38
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    My SJ likes the idea of spontaneity. She just can't handle it actually being executed. At all. If anything, she plans for the possibility, which obviously defeats the purpose. She doesn't like her routine to be violated at all, so if I suggest alternative it just doesn't happen.
    That is exactly me. The only way I keep from being extremely annoyed is by planning in advance for something to possibly change plans. If I've planned for spontaneity, I can handle it. Haha.

    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    Yup, guilty as charged...I know I plan for the possibility all the time. Honestly, I am just a planner. I constantly think about what my next move will be, and how am I going to do it as efficiently as possible. If I have obligations to fulfill, forget it...spontaneity loses.

    I think the only time you can catch me be spontaneous is if I am on vacation (or completely removed from any and all obligations). Otherwise, I just can't fully enjoy myself. I can force myself to go along with the action of being spontaneous, but my mind never quite allows me to be free of obligation.

    Also, as for the calling at 2 a.m. thing -- Do NOT ever call me in the middle of the night to tell me something unless it is life-or-death important and requires some sort of immediate action on my part. It doesn't matter how much I may love you, I can assure you I will not want to talk to you at that time. See, this is the way my brain works if awoken in the middle of the night:

    *conversation ends*
    1) *conversation is replayed in head at least once*
    2) What time is it?
    3) Crap, that means I only have "x" hours until I have to be awake again
    4) What do I even have to do tomorrow? *runs through mental schedule*
    5) Is everything I need to do for tomorrow ready to go in the morning?
    a) Yes, everything is done, don't worry about it....*continues to worry...surely I've forgotten something.* Or I will improve upon already-existing ideas
    b) No, you procrastinated and you still have stuff to take care of...now that you're up you should just go ahead and do it.
    6) *Eventually fall back to sleep many hours later, and awaken grumpy and tired the next morning*

    You have ruined my night, I hope your conversation was worth it. Thanks a lot...lol!
    I would second all of this. My mind is constantly thinking about what I need to do next. Constantly. Sleep is the only break I can get from this. Unless it's an emergency or I'm sleeping at an odd time of the day, an interruption will annoy me.

    Even vacation...I can relax to some degree, but I am still somewhat in planning mode about my leisure time.

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    But in all seriousness, yeah, I'm not big on it. If someone gives me a last-minute idea, I'm almost definitely going to say no. I wish I didn't do that, but I do.


    There have been times I have turned down an invitation and when someone asks why, all I can think of is, "My plan was to stay at home tonight."

    I am surrounded by spontaneous people. I try so hard to be flexible, but it requires constant effort and patience. Even if a person's "new idea" is better than my old plan, my first response is going to be negative. I usually have to mull it over for awhile and get myself accustomed to the idea. Often later I will realize that it did turn out better than if my initial plan had been carried out. And, honestly, some of my most fun moments have happened when my plan has gone down the drain. So I try to give spontaneity a chance, but it's always difficult for me.
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  9. #39
    Senior Member Amira's Avatar
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    I am surrounded by spontaneous people. I try so hard to be flexible, but it requires constant effort and patience. Even if a person's "new idea" is better than my old plan, my first response is going to be negative. I usually have to mull it over for awhile and get myself accustomed to the idea. Often later I will realize that it did turn out better than if my initial plan had been carried out. And, honestly, some of my most fun moments have happened when my plan has gone down the drain. So I try to give spontaneity a chance, but it's always difficult for me.
    Resurrecting another old thread here, I know. It just is funny reading the replies because they sound so familiar! Tip for you P people - give us a little warning that you want us to suddenly do x, say it's our duty/how much fun it would be/you really want us there, zoom off so we can't refuse, and then come back/call again a little later. That might help to get us used to the new idea so we can actually say yes! Or, it might be just something that works on me.
    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

  10. #40
    Junior Member
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    Default Where does all of this leave an ISF*?

    No matter how many times I take the test, no matter if it is Keirsey or MBTI I still get a toss up on the J or the P.

    I would like to believe that I get the best of both worlds.
    I like some spontaneity, but enough is too much already!
    I can go along with 'free form' and when it gets to chaotic, I know how to find my way home again Cheers.

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