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  1. #1
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Default ISTJ- How do you know you are in love?

    I don't know if this is something that I can logically define and understand like I do everything else;

    I've been dating this girl (ISFP) and I think I'm in love, but I don't know. Most people, when they define love it's feelings based (the sun shines, the birds sing, that uncontrollable smile, etc etc etc). I'm not and have never reacted that way to anything. I do care about her, and despite some of the mental battles I go through when making time to be with her (sometimes I just don't feel like it), we end up having a good time together. She doesn't require too much touchy feeling interaction (although I feel she's holding back and would like more than I give- she says she's fine).

    I go from really digging her, to being annoyed, to feeling comfort, to wondering if she's 'the one'. From what I read here, I'm not alone in my quest to analyze everything to death, but with love it seems like you can't analyze it all, because another person's involved and you don't know and won't know it all about that person in a reasonable amount of time, before they'll be fed up and leave you LOL.

    A good friend of mine - don't know his MBTI, but he said he wasn't one of those guys who is head over heels in love, but rationalized that if it's worth more to be with her than without her, then he had his answer. They've been married for about 5 years, and 2 kids, and he's happy.

    So my fellow ISTJs, and the Ns that will come in even though you aren't 'officially' invited (Ns run amuck in these forums), how do you know you are in love?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    I go from really digging her, to being annoyed, to feeling comfort, to wondering if she's 'the one'.

    Well i am not an ISTJ or an N, but i'll still give you my 2 cents .
    I can love someone but not feel all lovey dovey all the time. I do have moments where i take a step back as it hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes. Usually though i am in neutral, you know i love you as i'm still around and doing things for you.
    I know i love the other person but like yourself, i have those moments as explained above apart from the last one.
    I rationalised it to myself a long time ago 'Thats why i like that my partner is also my friend so on days when i look at him and think Arrrgghhhh, your still my friend so i'll show you respect then on the even better days, your my partner and i love you to bits'.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  3. #3
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Well i am not an ISTJ or an N, but i'll still give you my 2 cents .
    I can love someone but not feel all lovey dovey all the time. I do have moments where i take a step back as it hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes. Usually though i am in neutral, you know i love you as i'm still around and doing things for you.
    I know i love the other person but like yourself, i have those moments as explained above apart from the last one.
    I rationalised it to myself a long time ago 'Thats why i like that my partner is also my friend so on days when i look at him and think Arrrgghhhh, your still my friend so i'll show you respect then on the even better days, your my partner and i love you to bits'.
    Are you a Male or Female?

  4. #4
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    Are you a Male or Female?
    Take a look at my profile and see my picture. Possibly saslou is short for Sarah Louise

    What you like????
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  5. #5
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Take a look at my profile and see my picture. Possibly saslou is short for Sarah Louise

    What you like????
    LOL Nice picture, btw.....I thought the avatar pic was your profile pic as well. I was like, I can't distinguish a male from a female truck LOL.

    Not sure what you mean by 'What you like?'

  6. #6
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    LOL Nice picture, btw.....I thought the avatar pic was your profile pic as well. I was like, I can't distinguish a male from a female truck LOL.

    Not sure what you mean by 'What you like?'
    Thank you very much. The truck is symbolic with regards to appearances etc. Maybe a female truck would be pink *cringes*.

    'What you like' is an English thing, its just a polite way of saying 'Your crazy'.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  7. #7
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Thank you very much. The truck is symbolic with regards to appearances etc. Maybe a female truck would be pink *cringes*.

    'What you like' is an English thing, its just a polite way of saying 'Your crazy'.


    LOL I guess pink isn't your thing?

    Thanks for the 'compliment'

  8. #8
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by IZthe411 View Post
    LOL I guess pink isn't your thing?

    Thanks for the 'compliment'
    Pink .. :yim_rolling_on_the_ .. No. I have the manners of a lady whilst in certain company, but i enjoy being one of the lads. Hence the short hair, no make-up and the truck for an avatar.

    Lets talk about you .. Likes/dislikes. How long you been with the Mrs. That sort of stuf. Goooooo.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  9. #9
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    I'm not sure if this "love" thing is real, let alone knowing whether you're "in" it or not! I'll have to get back to you [in a few hundred years].

    Though I guess if you are both truly happy, that might be a clue?
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #10
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Pink .. :yim_rolling_on_the_ .. No. I have the manners of a lady whilst in certain company, but i enjoy being one of the lads. Hence the short hair, no make-up and the truck for an avatar.

    Lets talk about you .. Likes/dislikes. How long you been with the Mrs. That sort of stuf. Goooooo.
    LOL

    Wow- that's a wide open question.....don't you know ISTJs like, no love, no- strive on- STRUCTURE?

    I like things to make sense, more or less. Don't put blue in front of me and say it's somehow red. NOOOOOOSIRREEEEEBOB. I'm probably the typical ISTJ, except I don't mindbeing around people. Only when I know I need some me time is when I want and need to be alone.

    Me and the mrs have known each other since 2001. We have always 'liked' each other, but for various reasons, we've never really come together over the years. We were always the 2 that everybody thought would be good together, but it never happened. Then in November 2007 I asked her to be my girlfriend- and she told me 'I don't think it would work'. I asked "Why"- she said "I just don't think it's going to work". Fast forward to June 2008. She asks me to lunch and eventually I ask her if she's seeing anyone (I pretty much put her in the 'associate' zone after she told me no, so we haven't talked much at this point). After a few more questions I see she invited me to lunch so that I could ask her out, and I fell for it!!!! :steam:

    Long story short- she saw how much I loved my job, and she didn't want to be second to a job - I was a cpa at a big 4 acct firm. She couldn't tell me that was why she didn't see us working out. Well I didn't believe her, so between June 2008 and now we've went from me feeling her out to make sure that was the truth and not some BS, to her realizing that she wasn't going to smile or bat her eyes out of a situation (her former bfs were suckers for that stuff- I wasn't.), to me understanding that as an ISTJ, I had a lot of quirks, and her FP brought them all to the forefront, to now us really spending time together and figuring stuff out.

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