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  1. #31
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles View Post
    Aww, thanks Recoleta. IMO, I think there's something to be said for SJs being able to do things backwards--practicality before warm fuzzies. For one, committing to someone is a form of loving them, even if you don't realize it. You spend time with them, bother to learn who they are, invite them into your life, etc. It's when you open up to them and trust them with more than just the tenets of basic friendship that you begin to love them. For me, it's when I show the vulnerable side of myself, and that person accepts it. That's so freeing. And of course, it's in reverse as well: accepting the other person's weaknesses as well. It creates trust, which is what commitment stems from usually. So by commiting first, sometimes you can forget you have to trust.

    Nothing wrong with moving slowly, though. In fact, as Recoleta noted, most people should...just look at those divorce rates. Ick. :/
    I agree that committing is a form of caring- I'm not running from the commitment, but some of the 'softer' aspects of it all- I'm not running, it's just too foreign of a concept for me to jump right in, with no reservation. Let me stick my toes in at first, maybe up to the knees, and I'll wade for a little until I reach the deep part. How about that? LOL

  2. #32
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    Oh boy, I remember the one time I thought I was in love. And as you said, it was something I analyzed and tried to determine through "logical" means. There was never a clear resolution to that situation...(alert: Cheesy stuff ahead) After quite a while, I came up with the question for myself, "If this isn't love, what is?" and let that settle the issue, so that I could tell myself that I did love her.

    Someone else here said "What does it matter, as long as you're both happy?" In lots of situations, that has been useful enough for me. When I was trying to "define" one relationship, neither she nor I had said we were going out with each other, so there was no declaration of boyfriend and girlfriend. And I thought, "So can she be classified as a girlfriend?" I eventually decided to just let it go, the official boundaries not as important as the fact that we both liked each other.

    Don't know whether that helps, but there you go.
    Amen! You like some clearly defined terms. Structure- No ambiguity. That way nobody makes any moves that could freak the other person out. I feel you.

  3. #33
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    +1

    Yeah, I've also been in this situation. It's kind of like "what the hell"? Where is the line drawn? I like you, you like me (and both of us are fully aware of this), but we cannot use the universal term "dating"? The whole ordeal was frustrating.

    Happiness and the feeling that you WANT to be near the other person. "Love" is somewhere in between those two. Because if you WANT to be with the person 24/7, well, that my friend, is indeed "infatuation". Infatuation = bad. (In my opinion at least.)

    If you are not happy with the person, then you are probably being played.... I think.

    I think someone said this before but I'm going to add my thoughts: YES! ISTJ's don't usually have any issues comitting, it's just that, in this case anyway, we don't know exactly what we are comitting to!
    Pretty much.

  4. #34
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I tend to love really hard so it probably seems like I come into it with my love guns a blazing for someone who takes it more slowly.

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