[ISFJ] how to seduce an ISFJ?

[clamsters]

^Sometimes it's pretty hard to come off right with asking for help. (Not being too needy and balancing being geniune about needing her time in matters x,y,z.) Again, for my usual INTJ indepedent and socially awkward self, the challenge is multiplied twofold-100fold, depending on situation. I want to keep it real and not manipulate her into helping matters which matter essentially zero to me just so that I can get her company.

Btw, kind of a side question, do ISFJ women even like to be pursued upfront to begin with? I mean are they flattered? From my understanding of this thread, I think they usually take the route:

friendship foundation --> friend needing help --> ISFJ is flattered to be able to help and feels valued --> ISFJ considers room for romantic potential --> romantic relationship --> SO needing help again and again --> SO shows deep appreciation --> ISFJ feels the strong value he/she is giving to the relationship (which they are) --> everyone is happy.

 

[Saslou]

^Sometimes it's pretty hard to come off right with asking for help. (Not being too needy and balancing being geniune about needing her time in matters x,y,z.) Again, for my usual INTJ indepedent and socially awkward self, the challenge is multiplied twofold-100fold, depending on situation. I want to keep it real and not manipulate her into helping matters which matter essentially zero to me just so that I can get her company.

Btw, kind of a side question, do ISFJ women even like to be pursued upfront to begin with? I mean are they flattered? From my understanding of this thread, I think they usually take the route:

friendship foundation --> friend needing help --> ISFJ is flattered to be able to help and feels valued --> ISFJ considers room for romantic potential --> romantic relationship --> SO needing help again and again --> SO shows deep appreciation --> ISFJ feels the strong value he/she is giving to the relationship (which they are) --> everyone is happy.

OK, Apparantly the I/E makes a bit of a difference but i'll give my perspective having dated, married and currently divorcing an INTJ (still love you lot though). I understand where you are coming from. Genuine or nothing, i get that. Its about being true to yourself but allowing yourself to open to other possibilities. You already have the patience of a saint, we are not scary, we do get a bit of a hard time on this site from time to time. Just be yourself, given time, both you and her will see the cues and know how to react or if you don't, talk about it. Just don't over analyse everything she says or does.

Can't help on the side question as i am usually the one who pursues. The route they like is totally oblivious to me, Crazy how one letter changes so much.

Anyway, you'll be fine. Be yourself with that quirky humour and she'll love you to bits eventually.

 

[Giggly]

^Sometimes it's pretty hard to come off right with asking for help. (Not being too needy and balancing being geniune about needing her time in matters x,y,z.) Again, for my usual INTJ indepedent and socially awkward self, the challenge is multiplied twofold-100fold, depending on situation. I want to keep it real and not manipulate her into helping matters which matter essentially zero to me just so that I can get her company.

Btw, kind of a side question, do ISFJ women even like to be pursued upfront to begin with? I mean are they flattered? From my understanding of this thread, I think they usually take the route:

friendship foundation --> friend needing help --> ISFJ is flattered to be able to help and feels valued --> ISFJ considers room for romantic potential --> romantic relationship --> SO needing help again and again --> SO shows deep appreciation --> ISFJ feels the strong value he/she is giving to the relationship (which they are) --> everyone is happy.

Well I'm not sure I'd map it out exactly like that but I can see how it makes thing palatable in a sense. I can try to explain a little bit how I think the functions influence things romantically with ISFJs....

I think the S makes us want to be useful by helping you with tasks and seeing something get done, but the F makes us want the mushy touchy-feely love part. You know telling us and showing us that you love and appreciate us as a person and other affirmations. We're both S and F and there should be a balance or else we'll miss it. I think it's really easy (and maybe tempting) sometimes for people dating ISFJs to put too much emphasis on the S and not enough on the F, or they'll put too much emphasis on the F and not enough on the S. It's a difficult thing to balance but we like them both. We like feelings and we're busy bodies.

anyways, I hope this helps.

 

[d@v3]

All right, what does one do in this scenario :

I find a certain female ISFJ attractive, so I ask her to "help" me. Sadly for me, said ISFJ finds out the truth that I really didn't need the "help", I was just trying to get her attention and see her more.

Does the ISFJ girl:
a) Get mad and my scheme goes horribly wrong and fails miserably
-OR-
b) Find what I did very "sweet" and the scheme works better than planned?

 

[Lightning_Rider]

^ I'd say it depends how you react after you realise she finds out. If you come out honest about it and admit that you have an interest in her, and that the plan was basically a plan to try and get to know her better because you didn't know how to go about it (or something like that...), then she will probably find it pretty sweet. If of course she has any interest in return. But I'm pretty sure most healthy ISFJs will find that sweet. But we like you to be honest as well.

 

[d@v3]

What if she does not have any interest in return? If she were to react badly or not know how to react at all, how would we know it? (Generally speaking of course. )

 

[FDG]

My god guys, you need to be more direct with that. Just walk up to them, say something funny, and ask them to come get a coffee with you, then things will snowball from there. Best if you behave like traditionally male, but with some weird/nerdy stuff inbetween (hard to explain)

 

[Saslou]

What if she does not have any interest in return? If she were to react badly or not know how to react at all, how would we know it? (Generally speaking of course. )

Would she not politely make her excuses and leave. If she was to see you around campus, i would think she would avoid eye contact. Could be wrong though.

Another question to the ISFJs on here.
Do you appreciate game playing? If someone is trying to play you to get to know you better, ie, "Could you help me with this" just to get to know you better. Do you see this as something good or bad.
I ask as someone used to tell me, Sarah, i am giving you the tools to play me, use them to your advantage. I never did as i didn't want to play games.
If we both know what we want, why go the long way round with silly games. Why do things have to get so complicated.

 

[Snow Turtle]

I'm more of a straight shooter myself so I'll either instigate nothing or ask for their company. However I've used 'help' opportunities as a method of getting to know someone better too, it's just that I did actually need the help as well.

A romantic friend once commented on the fact that I didn't seem to do the whole chasing thing, which was disappointing. *sweatdrop*

 

[Lightning_Rider]

What if she does not have any interest in return? If she were to react badly or not know how to react at all, how would we know it? (Generally speaking of course. )

Basically what saslou said I would imagine, she'll just find a polite way of saying she's busy or something and take her leave.

And as for the game playing, I think most ISFJ's do not like games. I know myself I prefer a more direct approach and prefer when people are direct with me. I don't like having to guess etc. If you're interested then let me know, and when I'm interested, I'll usually let you know after a short time.

 

[d@v3]

...but with some weird/nerdy stuff inbetween (hard to explain)

"hard to explain"

 

[Saslou]

And as for the game playing, I think most ISFJ's do not like games. I know myself I prefer a more direct approach and prefer when people are direct with me. I don't like having to guess etc. If you're interested then let me know, and when I'm interested, I'll usually let you know after a short time.

Thank you.

 

[Eiddy]

That wrapped it up pretty nicely.

 

[Lightning_Rider]

Yeah, now it would be nice if someone would actually try to do this to me lol.

 

[KarenParker]

I think that regardless of type, everyone needs game playing in the courting stage of romance. Everyone needs to do that you-can't-have-me-but-maybe-you-CAN-have-me dance in order to seduce each other. I've never seen a relationship where that didn't happen and it worked. I think some people naturally play that game. They don't pick up the phone because they genuinely were busy. I think anyone who says they don't like game playing has been burned before and that's not fun.

 

[Lightning_Rider]

Well, of course I won't come up to someone and say "I am interested" right away... Pretty sure most ISFJ's won't do that either... I'm not that direct. Usually for a few weeks or so there will be the guessing part etc. But if I'm sure the other person likes me as well, then I will probably come out and tell them after I've got to know them a bit.

 

[d@v3]

But what about the "weird/nerdy stuff"? What does FDG mean? No one explained! =(

 

[Saslou]

I think that regardless of type, everyone needs game playing in the courting stage of romance. Everyone needs to do that you-can't-have-me-but-maybe-you-CAN-have-me dance in order to seduce each other. I've never seen a relationship where that didn't happen and it worked. I think some people naturally play that game. They don't pick up the phone because they genuinely were busy. I think anyone who says they don't like game playing has been burned before and that's not fun.

Yeah i have been burnt twice .. Still i don't like game playing in the sense that someone will tell me how to play them, why should i! Why can't i just ask and you reply. Its like getting from A to B, are you going to take 5 mins or 25 mins.

But what about the "weird/nerdy stuff"? What does FDG mean? No one explained! =(

I don't have a clue what he/she is going on about.

Do ISFJ's like weird and nerdy stuff?

I do to an extent.

 

[Giggly]

I find myself attracted to humor. It is seductive. If someone is naturally funny and makes me laugh I can't help it I just want to be around them more and more. This goes for both men and women in friendship too.

 

[onemoretime]

Step 1: Start up a conversation
Step 2: Move to what that person finds to be real or true in the world
Step 3: Build connections based on those core values
Step 4: Sexualize the conversation with vivid language (though not explicit)
Step 5: Increase the amount of physical contact and increase comfort
Step 6: Profit