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  1. #1
    Member Tea Party's Avatar
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    Default FJs and holding grudges

    Hello again! :O

    In personalitypage.com's portrait of an ISFJ: "If they are negative feelings, they may build up inside the ISFJ until they turn into firm judgments against individuals which are difficult to unseed, once set."
    I don't know how it is for other FJ types, but I've found that this is very true for me, and I'm thinking it's probably more true for FJ types than other types.

    Does anyone else struggle with holding deep-seeded grudges againt specific people? How do you deal with it?
    "I feel so strongly that the deep and simple is far more essential than the shallow and complex." -Fred Rogers

  2. #2
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    If you're using MBTI to find reasons to hate particular types then you're using it wrong. So very wrong.

    I don't buy that you can't help it or that your hatred is something you've unwilling developed, if you recognise it you can change it unless you don't want to, in which case it's a choice. MBTI would be better used to understand different types than as a way to write off entire groups of people.

    Hatred is not a necessary evil, it makes people bitter and gives an excuse to blame others for how we feel.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    If you're using MBTI to find reasons to hate particular types then you're using it wrong. So very wrong.

    I don't buy that you can't help it or that your hatred is something you've unwilling developed, if you recognise it you can change it unless you don't want to, in which case it's a choice. MBTI would be better used to understand different types than as a way to write off entire groups of people.

    Hatred is not a necessary evil, it makes people bitter and gives an excuse to blame others for how we feel.
    ... I know. o_o I realize all this, that's why I'm framing it as a problem. It seems like a problem any FJ would tend to deal with, if they ran into a prolonged and particularly emotionally distressing/traumatic situation caused specifically by a person with an MBTI type very different from their own.
    "I feel so strongly that the deep and simple is far more essential than the shallow and complex." -Fred Rogers

  4. #4
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    You sound like you're just using MBTI as an excuse for your problems and using it for prejudices.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by DisneyGeek View Post
    You sound like you're just using MBTI as an excuse for your problems and using it for prejudices.
    Okay, sure, I could be? e_e But like I said before, I'm just saying it just seems like something a strong FJ would have trouble with. Like, certain mannerisms could remind them of a negative experience and so all the unpleasantness of that feeling could transfer over into preemptive dislike for that person. SURELY I'm not the only person who has ever done this. Lots of people have types whom they just know that they simply do not get along with. I'm not trying to justify hatred, I'm just curious as to whether this is a problem especially prominent in FJ types.

    Look, I'll even delete all the stuff in the first post that's specifically about me. I was just trying to give an example.
    "I feel so strongly that the deep and simple is far more essential than the shallow and complex." -Fred Rogers

  6. #6
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    I'm just saying that it might be healthier for you to stay away from MBTI if it does this to you. Sorry if I'm hijacking your thread, but I don't think that you should be using MBTI this way...

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by DisneyGeek View Post
    I'm just saying that it might be healthier for you to stay away from MBTI if it does this to you. Sorry if I'm hijacking your thread, but I don't think that you should be using MBTI this way...
    No... MBTI didn't "do this" to me, my "negative experience" did. MBTI just helps me articulate it better. ._. I think if we were all being completely honest most of us would say that we've used MBTI in this way before, at least once.
    "I feel so strongly that the deep and simple is far more essential than the shallow and complex." -Fred Rogers

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tea Party View Post
    No... MBTI didn't "do this" to me, my "negative experience" did. MBTI just helps me articulate it better. ._. I think if we were all being completely honest most of us would say that we've used MBTI in this way before, at least once.
    Ehh, I just mean that you shouldn't relate your negative experience of said person with any people of said person's type. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I have a hard time with people who exhibit prejudices. I was about to post a rant earlier about prejudices and people. :/ Honestly, I've never done that before, but I'm still new to MBTI so meh.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by DisneyGeek View Post
    Ehh, I just mean that you shouldn't relate your negative experience of said person with any people of said person's type. It just doesn't make any sense to me. I have a hard time with people who exhibit prejudices. I was about to post a rant earlier about prejudices and people. :/ Honestly, I've never done that before, but I'm still new to MBTI so meh.
    That's because you're a T. The origins of prejudice are always emotion-based and never logic-based, so that's why I assume that Fs are much more prone to developing biases.
    "I feel so strongly that the deep and simple is far more essential than the shallow and complex." -Fred Rogers

  10. #10
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    I believe that the OP wants to know how to deal with what they have recognised as a hurdle within themselves.

    Contrary to what some of the commenters may have perceived, they aren't purely using at as a crutch and stumbling blindly on.

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