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  1. #1
    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
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    Default Are ISFJs stubborn?

    Sometimes I will ask my ISFJ boyfriend to do something like go hang out with some friends with me (which we only do about 25% of the time!) and he will be SO stubborn. No matter what I argue I feel like he isn't REALLY taking it into consideration and he sounds like he absolutely will not go in a million years and I become totally convinced he won't do it. But then when the time comes, he will and he always enjoys himself and tells me how much fun he had! What is UP with that? Is that an ISFJ thing or not?

    Drives me NUTS!
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  2. #2
    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    I am totally the same way. I would rather relax at home or do anything than have to hang around with a bunch of people I may or may not hit it off with. We are usually one on one communicators, 3 or more just gets to be overwhelming at times. There may have been times I did have fun after going out. It's just getting us to consider moving out of that comfort zone.

    Consider like a nice cozy warm bed on a very cold morning and on top of that you still feel a bit sleepy. Getting us out of that comfort zone we have found ourselves in is hard. I hate more than anything breaks in my routine or being in situations I am unsure of. Anyhow, of course once we are up we are running.

    Or consider the case of catching a cold or flu, you feel all crappy after you wake up. Sore throat, cough, slight headache or whatever else, but once you are at work and busy you really don't feel all that sick.

    I hope this clears up the misunderstanding on this, since I am sure almost everyone can relate to these type of examples.
    Last edited by Eiddy; 07-09-2009 at 10:33 AM.
    Johari / Nohari

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  3. #3

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    Sounds like an I thing more than an ISFJ thing, but I admit, often I am guilty of this as well.

    ^ Hey there Eiddy

  4. #4
    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    Hi LR long time no see. Glad you are back..
    Johari / Nohari

    Enneagram 1w2/Lifepath 1/first zodiac sign Aries/first Chinese zodiac sign RAT/first born in my siblings of 3. Did I forget to mention first?

    Independent Director

  5. #5
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I think if you're forcing any introvert to extrovert when they don't want to, then yeah, they will protest, or at the least act really uncomfortable. Have you tried plainly pointing out to him that you have been accommodating to his introverted tendencies but that you also have a need to socialize and want to do that a bit more and want him to be with you? Why does he say he doesn't want to go? Does he like your friends?

  6. #6
    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I think if you're forcing any introvert to extrovert when they don't want to, then yeah, they will protest, or at the least act really uncomfortable. Have you tried plainly pointing out to him that you have been accommodating to his introverted tendencies but that you also have a need to socialize and want to do that a bit more and want him to be with you? Why does he say he doesn't want to go? Does he like your friends?
    Yeah I point that out to him and he doesn't say anything back which makes me think he knows I'm right. He says he doesn't want to go because he doesn't like to meet strangers, it takes a lot out of him, he's tired, makes him nervous, uncomfortable, blah, blah, blah. He's a complaining MACHINE but when he goes, he usually has a good time and tells me he had a good time. I'm just not sure if I should let him complain and then drop it because he'll come around, or if I should try to talk with him about it and rationalize with him. (for example, telling him that I never ask him to go out and socialize with me)
    E - 79% I - 21%
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    J - 32% P - 68%

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  7. #7

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    I think you just need to strike a balance. You obviously like to go out and be E. He obviously prefers to stay home and be I. I think a bit of compromise on both sides is the answer. As long as you're not going out every night, he should be able to cope with that, and I guess you should be able to also, I suppose depending on his level of I and your level of E of course...

  8. #8
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    I am going to take a wild guess and say 'YES'. :yim_rolling_on_the_

  9. #9
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Yeah, they do that. You just need to insist more.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  10. #10
    Senior Membrane spirilis's Avatar
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    Lol I love being an introvert, I rarely encounter this problem with mine Actually it's worked the other way around once... she wanted to go to this one party but I didn't want to b/c of its location (nasty part of the city), then she explained she wanted to go to show off her hairdo to some of the folks there so I decided OK. Ended up having a great time
    intp | type 9w1 sp/sx/so

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