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  1. #11
    Senior Member Journey's Avatar
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    We are both introverts, me more so than him, so he ends up dragging me out. But once we get there I am content socializing and want to stay and he is ready to leave. So I have to get him involved in a conversation or two before he begins to be comfortable. Then I'm ready to leave, lol. We introverts have a hard time, we just want to hug a hearth with a comfortable few.
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  2. #12
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    ISFJ's are easy. You just put them in a position where they have a choice between agreeing to something, or offending people publicly, people they like. That way you both win - you get them to do what you want, and they get to feel like righteous martyrs, which they enjoy more than anything
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  3. #13
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    ISFJ's are easy. You just put them in a position where they have a choice between agreeing to something, or offending people publicly, people they like. That way you both win - you get them to do what you want, and they get to feel like righteous martyrs, which they enjoy more than anything
    That doesn't work all the time... if their religious values are too strong.
    Then there is no compromise possible... although they won't make an ugly scene in public, that would be uncouth.
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  4. #14
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KarenParker View Post
    Sometimes I will ask my ISFJ boyfriend to do something like go hang out with some friends with me (which we only do about 25% of the time!) and he will be SO stubborn. No matter what I argue I feel like he isn't REALLY taking it into consideration and he sounds like he absolutely will not go in a million years and I become totally convinced he won't do it. But then when the time comes, he will and he always enjoys himself and tells me how much fun he had! What is UP with that? Is that an ISFJ thing or not?

    Drives me NUTS!
    YES, they can be so stubborn it's enough to drive a person insane.
    I'm sure they're not ALL that way.

  5. #15
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    That doesn't work all the time... if their religious values are too strong.
    Then there is no compromise possible... although they won't make an ugly scene in public, that would be uncouth.
    oh yeah I won't argue with that, when it's deeply held religious stuff. I just meant on a normal day to day sorta thing.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  6. #16
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

    I have an ISFJ dad, and the points about them holding religious beliefs over anything (there lives, their family's lives, a small town's worth of people...) is spot on. I'm driven insane because my dad will completely reject any argument or question I bring up, and when something happens that proves himself wrong, he'll say, "You know, you were right." He usually says that about a month after I've told him what was in fact "right," and the time spent in between is full of silly details that don't contribute anything to the argument.

    I think the biggest pet peeve is when I take something he says and put it in another circumstance to reveal how ridiculous it is and he says, "That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about _____."

    *sigh*
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  7. #17
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KarenParker View Post
    Yeah I point that out to him and he doesn't say anything back which makes me think he knows I'm right. He says he doesn't want to go because he doesn't like to meet strangers, it takes a lot out of him, he's tired, makes him nervous, uncomfortable, blah, blah, blah. He's a complaining MACHINE but when he goes, he usually has a good time and tells me he had a good time. I'm just not sure if I should let him complain and then drop it because he'll come around, or if I should try to talk with him about it and rationalize with him. (for example, telling him that I never ask him to go out and socialize with me)
    How often are you wanting him to go out socializing with you? Just curious.

    Quote Originally Posted by Journey View Post
    We are both introverts, me more so than him, so he ends up dragging me out. But once we get there I am content socializing and want to stay and he is ready to leave. So I have to get him involved in a conversation or two before he begins to be comfortable. Then I'm ready to leave, lol. We introverts have a hard time, we just want to hug a hearth with a comfortable few.
    Hug a hearth. So true. Bless the hearts of those poor ExxPs out there who love us. must be hard for them to deal with.

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    ISFJ's are easy. You just put them in a position where they have a choice between agreeing to something, or offending people publicly, people they like. That way you both win - you get them to do what you want, and they get to feel like righteous martyrs, which they enjoy more than anything
    hahaha too funny.

  8. #18
    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KarenParker View Post
    Yeah I point that out to him and he doesn't say anything back which makes me think he knows I'm right. He says he doesn't want to go because he doesn't like to meet strangers, it takes a lot out of him, he's tired, makes him nervous, uncomfortable, blah, blah, blah. He's a complaining MACHINE but when he goes, he usually has a good time and tells me he had a good time. I'm just not sure if I should let him complain and then drop it because he'll come around, or if I should try to talk with him about it and rationalize with him. (for example, telling him that I never ask him to go out and socialize with me)
    Yes ISFJ can be stubborn. Regarding the highlighted part, that's how it is for me. I tend to think in negatives terms then end up enjoying myself. Maybe you are asking him when he feels tired. Leave an opportunity for him to change his mind without making a fuss because it does depends on how he feels before the actual date.

    I personally appreciate it when I can gracefully back out of a social situation without any fuss and it makes it more likely that I will say yes to future dates.

    Stepping out of a comfort zone can be mentally challenging at times and it depends on how introverted he is. Striking a balance can be hard but if he has enough 'down time' or time to himself before he socializes with you, then usually there should be no problems.

    When it comes to socialization, it is easier to say no first then changing your mind rather than agreeing to go then saying no 'I'm too tired' and disappointing those we love and care about.

  9. #19
    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    How often are you wanting him to go out socializing with you? Just curious.
    Well we only see each other once or twice a week because he works 45 hours a week and is taking 6 credits in school AND we live about an hour and a half away from each other. So I usually do want to spend time alone with him. But if it was always my way, we'd go see friends just about every other week. so maybe twice a month? maybe half of the time we spend together? I just like him to go because I want to share my friends with him. And because I feel like he belongs with us.
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  10. #20
    Senior Member SubjectA's Avatar
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    I don't know about all ISFJ's, but my ISFJ bf is VERY stubborn. As soon as we don't see eye to eye on something, it turns from a simple disagreement to a battle of the egos. When you put two personalities who think they are always right together, it can be quite difficult. It seems like I'm usually the one that has to be flexible.

    Sometimes I get lucky. We'll drop the subject for a little bit, and suddenly one day I'll find that he actually agrees with me or vice versa.

    Though it's annoying, I'm glad that this hasn't caused any serious problems in our relationship thus far. We both want to stay together and work hard to keep it that way.

    Originally Posted by KarenParker View Post
    Well we only see each other once or twice a week because he works 45 hours a week and is taking 6 credits in school AND we live about an hour and a half away from each other. So I usually do want to spend time alone with him. But if it was always my way, we'd go see friends just about every other week. so maybe twice a month? maybe half of the time we spend together? I just like him to go because I want to share my friends with him. And because I feel like he belongs with us.

    That's good that you want him to meet all your friends, but don't do it all at once. Speaking as another introvert, being forced into a social situation with a bunch of strangers is intimidating and mentally exhausting.

    Find some middle ground. Let him meet them a couple at a time. If he doesn't want to go out, perhaps you can have him AND a couple friends come over? Whatever you do, don't force him into a huge group where he can't escape. You said that he always says afterward that he enjoyed it, but him being an ISFJ, he might be just saying that so he doesn't hurt your feelings.

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