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  1. #61
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow View Post
    Leaving for somewhere private to indulge in emotion is a general SJ thing I think.
    Wow - I never knew that as a whole SJs feel that way. That's helpful to be aware of.

    I'm not a huggy person generally, but there has been the odd occasion with my SJ female vice-principal where she has given me a motherly hug when I am at the end of my string (we were in a very high stress school environment) and once when she actually admitted she was having a terrible day (the only time in five years of knowing her) and I hugged her. It wasn't teary though and maybe that's the difference.

    How are you guys with good-byes? Do you avoid them generally? When I said good-bye just now to my ESTJ ex after five years (we were moving in opposite directions across the country), he gave me a long hug and then said, "Well...it's been a long five years". Odd to say after being through hell and highwater. However, it was obvious that he meant more and wasn't comfortable saying it. When it came down to the actual time everyone was leaving though, he made a point of not being in the staffroom and of avoiding anyone who had mattered to him a lot before taking off in his car. I'm guessing even if things were awkward with me, they wouldn't have had to have been with the other people he had spent time with.

  2. #62
    Senior Member Shadow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    How are you guys with good-byes? Do you avoid them generally? When I said good-bye just now to my ESTJ ex after five years (we were moving in opposite directions across the country), he gave me a long hug and then said, "Well...it's been a long five years". Odd to say after being through hell and highwater. However, it was obvious that he meant more and wasn't comfortable saying it.
    That seems familiar. I personally find that sort of thing very awkward. I mean more but I'm too embarrassed to emote! I don't know why I think it's shameful.
    I always feel guilty for not telling my dad I love him on the phone. He says it to me and I'm like "Yep." Hopefully he knows me enough to see through my tough exterior!

  3. #63
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Wow - I never knew that as a whole SJs feel that way. That's helpful to be aware of.
    I'm not sure if that's true for SFJs - especially ESFJs. Somebody should start a thread about that to see if it's true.

    How are you guys with good-byes? Do you avoid them generally? When I said good-bye just now to my ESTJ ex after five years (we were moving in opposite directions across the country), he gave me a long hug and then said, "Well...it's been a long five years". Odd to say after being through hell and highwater. However, it was obvious that he meant more and wasn't comfortable saying it. When it came down to the actual time everyone was leaving though, he made a point of not being in the staffroom and of avoiding anyone who had mattered to him a lot before taking off in his car. I'm guessing even if things were awkward with me, they wouldn't have had to have been with the other people he had spent time with.
    I suck at goodbyes. That anecdote really resonates with me. The reason why I'm like that is that I don't have the words to express how I'm feeling in deep moments like that, and when I try to come up with them, they seem, to me, to be stupid and cliched.* Also, I completely agree with shadow, 100%.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow View Post
    One of my ex-housemates was an ESTJ and she was definitely more emotional than me. It was still hidden, but you'd know what she was feeling... although sadness less so. I think she was fine with emotions except ones that made her seem too vulnerable. There always seemed to be something frustrating her :P Is that just her or an ESTJ thing?
    I'm fine with positive emotions, but it's the ones that make me cry, or the ones that would force me to "open up", that I have a problem with. So in that respect, it's not just her. But I dunno about the "always something frustrating her" thing. Is it because she was always telling stories about things that frustrated her throughout the day? Or was it just a vibe she gave off? If it was a vibe, that's just her. If it was telling stories, that's ESTJs wanting to vent and be entertaining at the same time. (And ESTJs not having any good stories to tell that DON'T involve frustrating things.) Often, some of the frustration that I give off when I'm venting is amplified for show purposes. I tend to rant about things that really didn't piss me off enough for the ranting to make sense, but that sound very entertaining to the people I'm talking to.


    *yet another double standard that doesn't mean to offend.
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    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
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  4. #64
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Wow - I never knew that as a whole SJs feel that way. That's helpful to be aware of.
    What did you think ? Them to be NT robots ? Far off
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  5. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    I'm not sure if that's true for SFJs - especially ESFJs. Somebody should start a thread about that to see if it's true.
    I think ESFJ's are way more open about their emotions. Not sure about ISFJ's though.

  6. #66
    Senior Member Shadow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DisneyGeek View Post
    I think ESFJ's are way more open about their emotions. Not sure about ISFJ's though.
    I don't think ISFJs are...unless they feel very hurt, and around people they feel are 'secure' enough for them to show their vulnerability. They seem to be able to show happiness more than the ISTJ, and are quick to smile.
    They're probably better at the 'goodbye situation' referred to above, put it that way. But nowhere near as open as the ESFJ.

    I think ESFJs are completely different. I can't even believe I share two key letters with them because we seem on such a different wavelength.

  7. #67
    your resident asshole
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    I know. It seems as if their dominant Fe makes them totally different. :/

  8. #68
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    I'm not sure if that's true for SFJs - especially ESFJs. Somebody should start a thread about that to see if it's true.


    I suck at goodbyes. That anecdote really resonates with me. The reason why I'm like that is that I don't have the words to express how I'm feeling in deep moments like that, and when I try to come up with them, they seem, to me, to be stupid and cliched.* Also, I completely agree with shadow, 100%.


    I'm fine with positive emotions, but it's the ones that make me cry, or the ones that would force me to "open up", that I have a problem with. So in that respect, it's not just her. But I dunno about the "always something frustrating her" thing. Is it because she was always telling stories about things that frustrated her throughout the day? Or was it just a vibe she gave off? If it was a vibe, that's just her. If it was telling stories, that's ESTJs wanting to vent and be entertaining at the same time. (And ESTJs not having any good stories to tell that DON'T involve frustrating things.) Often, some of the frustration that I give off when I'm venting is amplified for show purposes. I tend to rant about things that really didn't piss me off enough for the ranting to make sense, but that sound very entertaining to the people I'm talking to.
    So true!
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  9. #69
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    So true!
    It actually works pretty well. A lot of people (e.g. INFJs) will rant at you to try to get you as riled up as them (or at least, that's my impression), and that really, REALLY annoys me. What if I want to stay detached and objective?? When I rant at people, I try to make them laugh, by being over the top. By exaggerating my emotions, I downplay them, and make fun of them, which makes it easier to say things that, when said straight, might make me feel vulnerable.
    </subject-change>
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    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



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  10. #70
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Wow - I never knew that as a whole SJs feel that way. That's helpful to be aware of.
    I don't know if it's a general SJ thing, but I feel that way many times, maybe it's the Fi.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    How are you guys with good-byes? Do you avoid them generally? When I said good-bye just now to my ESTJ ex after five years (we were moving in opposite directions across the country), he gave me a long hug and then said, "Well...it's been a long five years". Odd to say after being through hell and highwater. However, it was obvious that he meant more and wasn't comfortable saying it. When it came down to the actual time everyone was leaving though, he made a point of not being in the staffroom and of avoiding anyone who had mattered to him a lot before taking off in his car. I'm guessing even if things were awkward with me, they wouldn't have had to have been with the other people he had spent time with.
    Yeah, I usually try to get goodbye's over and done with on the actual day. Generally I don't like them, especially if it involves people I like leaving. It's like... I gotta get this sadness of people leaving over and done with before it is prolonged.

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