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  1. #11
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Thanks for the quoting help!

    EJCC - do you reveal your innermost feelings easily when they are positive?

    And yes, I understand the different facets of you all being real. I think that happens with INFJs a lot. People think they are being inconsistent when they see a new side of the person, but they all are integrated parts. Some just don't come out right away. I think maybe with you though it is more sectioned off like a different character for whose company you are in. They are all you, but they are distinct. For me, I think it's more a flip in the amount of my transparency to let you see what you couldn't just a moment ago. Do you think that is accurate?

    Matthew Z - Some types spill their secrets quite naturally with those they trust. In my experience, this rarely (if ever) results in potential Mutually Assured Destruction! Are there specific circumstances under which the MAD potential more likely occurs?

  2. #12
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    No problem on the quoting help. It was mostly for my personal benefit - I would have gotten lost, and forgotten which questions I answered and which I didn't.

    When my innermost feelings are positive, I reveal them! No problem! There's nothing to lose through being cheery. Happiness doesn't cause vulnerability, in my experience. But if that happiness was caused by a very personal thing, I'm not exactly going to tell that story to everyone I know. But I'm not going to hold my happiness in, e.g. at work, because based on my experience, it doesn't interfere with work quality.

    I dunno if I'd use the transparency metaphor, but... maybe it's like an advent calendar. As days go by, more little doors are opened and you experience new, pleasant surprises (though it isn't usually candy ).
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



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  3. #13
    Senior Member Amira's Avatar
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    What if the decision affects the other person involved equally? (Eg two people who are married deciding about an investment, place to take a trip, what church to attend, how many kids to have, etc).
    Well, I am about Recoleta's age and have never been married yet or in a very serious relationship, so there have been very few important decisions in my life that affect me and someone else equally. Who knows what I will do? Hopefully I'll be able to learn how to do it right and discuss and decide things well with my eventual husband.
    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

  4. #14
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    To those that are mere acquaintances and haven't earned my trust and friendship, I have no reason to confide in them anything that has to do with my feelings, or really anything that's substantial.

    To those that are close to me and I care about, I tend not to let most in too deep. What they don't know can't hurt them. I don't want to burden anyone with my worries, insecurities, fears etc. and I also don't want them to think I'm weak. I want to be the one they can depend on to not collapse under the weight.

  5. #15
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    EJCC: The instinctual reaction of: "GAH EMOTIONS SCARY AWKWARD NO NO NO RUN AWAY!" Emphasis on the word "awkward".
    Revealing my true, hidden, very personal feelings (when they're negative) makes me feel small, weak and vulnerable. I hate hate HATE feeling like that. I want to be the strong one, not the weak one! (And I don't mean to offend with that statement - I hold that standard PRIMARILY to myself, and if I hold it towards others, it's subconscious.)


    Is this only with your emotions or in dealing with other people's emotions as well?
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  6. #16
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    I want to be the strong one, not the weak one! (And I don't mean to offend with that statement - I hold that standard PRIMARILY to myself, and if I hold it towards others, it's subconscious.)
    Same. I should have included that in my post. I just do a good job at internalizing the feelings I have and not putting them on display. I know this doesn't come as easy for everyone else and it's not something I'd look down on someone for.

  7. #17
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Is this only with your emotions or in dealing with other people's emotions as well?
    Both. I tend to get awkward when others get emotional around me, too. With friends, I have a routine that I can go through (hand on shoulder and/or hugging, etc), but with people I don't know, I just freeze up. Yay for emotional intelligence.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  8. #18
    Senior Member Amira's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MDP2525
    Is this only with your emotions or in dealing with other people's emotions as well?
    Both. I tend to get awkward when others get emotional around me, too. With friends, I have a routine that I can go through (hand on shoulder and/or hugging, etc), but with people I don't know, I just freeze up. Yay for emotional intelligence.
    LOL, I took one of those Emotional Intelligence tests online once where you look at series of eyes or mouths, etc., and scored in the... autism range. VERY disheartening for sure! Fortunately, in real life people tend to think I am a confident and friendly and slightly extroverted person so I must not be too bad, but I do have to think about what people would want when they are upset or super excited, because it does not come naturally to, say, go around hugging people like my ENFP sis does.
    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

  9. #19
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Good thread so far. I like the questions, fidelia. Keep em coming.

  10. #20
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Thanks Chosen One. You've been most accommodating and helpful!

    Most of you have made reference to not wanting to feel vulnerable and wanting to be the strong one rather than the weak one. I have more questions then:

    1. Have you considered that others don't like the feeling of being "the weak one" all the time. They want to feel that they have something worthwhile to offer you and that you might turn to them if you ever needed comfort.

    2. Is it because you are worried that people will use your vulnerabilities against you that you do not share them?

    3. Do you look down on those who do let their guard down to you? Do you wish they were more stoic or independent or less needy?

    4. Is it more about how others will view you if you show weakness, or is it the panicky feeling you will induce in yourself by doing so?

    5. Do you like the feeling of people relying on you when they are at a low point or need help with something, or do you find it an obligation?

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