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  1. #131
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Thank you! All of you have been most obliging and patient. I'm glad that you have chosen to join in!

  2. #132
    Junior Member browneyes94's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Under what circumstances do people see your real feelings? Is there anyone who truly knows you? How do you differentiate between your inner circle and your aquaintances in what you would share? What makes it so uncomfortable to be explicit with how you feel?

    Also, do you tend to discuss pros and cons with a person or just mentally make a (mostly unchangeable) decision of what route you plan to take? If it's the second one, on what do you base your choice and why do you feel discussion would be uncomfortable/unnecessary?

    Under what circumstances do people see your real feelings?
    They will see my real feelings once i feel that they will accept it and not shun me, or find me 'weird'.

    Is there anyone who truly knows you?
    Yes, there is someone who truly knows me. She's an INTP, we used to study in primary school together, so i've known her since i was 7? but we only got to know each other well in 2006. She lives far away from me, we go to different schools now, so we see each other like, twice a year? We keep in touch by online chat, or telephone.
    Sometimes i find it rather amazing. I still can talk to her like as if she knows all my school mates (she's the one i gossip about them to, so no one will eventually find out ), We have our inside jokes which no one would understand And she's the only person in the world who knows i like to listen to game themes/music, and agrees with me that it's nice.
    Sometimes we debate issues for fun, she's the one who starts them. I think some of our debates have caused us to stop talking for a day or two, HAHA.
    (She has taught me that sometimes conflict can't be avoided, and it's difficult for an ISTJ, since i avoid conflict at all costs :/ )
    I think sometimes she knows me better than i know myself.

    How do you differentiate between your inner circle and your aquaintances in what you would share?
    Aquaintances: They wouldn't know much about me at all. They'd probably know where i live, what subjects in school i like/dislike, general stuff. These kind of people would probably be my lab partner in biology class. yeah. we talk but we don't share feelings.
    Inner circle: In school my inner circle are mostly made of girls, so we'd talk about clothes, how this guy's cute and all. (Yes, you have to be in my inner circle to know which guy in school i find cute ) Some of them dont even know who my crush is, because i dont trust them yet. I only have 2 girls whom i trust in school. :/ But the inner circle would defenitely see the interesting/weird/funny/crazy side of me And enjoy it. HAHA

    What makes it so uncomfortable to be explicit with how you feel?
    I'm an ISTJ and an Enneagram 6, i'm a paranoid person. I care about what people think of me, and i like it when people like me. Need i say more? I prefer to know people well first, then i'd be comfortable to let them get to know me

    Also, do you tend to discuss pros and cons with a person or just mentally make a (mostly unchangeable) decision of what route you plan to take?
    I think i would discuss the pros and cons with a person. I'd prefer it if we both came to a mutual agreement.

    Shucks that was long. Heh. I hope i helped yeah

  3. #133
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Excellent! Thank you for adding your thoughts.

  4. #134
    Senior Member Max's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Under what circumstances do people see your real feelings? Is there anyone who truly knows you?
    I think pretty much never. Even with the person who's closest to me, my roommate, I still feel totally awkward when trying to open up to him in that way.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    How do you differentiate between your inner circle and your aquaintances in what you would share?
    Pretty much everyone is an acquaintance to me, I don't really have any close friends. I mean, I've got the people I'd like to be close with, but I just don't get the same thing from them. There's little that upsets me more than this. I have a very hard time getting close with people.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    What makes it so uncomfortable to be explicit with how you feel?
    I'd think if I knew why, I'd be able to figure out some way to solve the problem, but I don't, so it just continues to be a problem that I just have to live with.


    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    And sometimes I exaggerate my emotions for comedic purposes.
    I totally relate to this. Hah... I love whenever you say something and I think to myself, Hey, I do that too!


    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    The instinctual reaction of: "GAH EMOTIONS SCARY AWKWARD NO NO NO RUN AWAY!" Emphasis on the word "awkward".
    Revealing my true, hidden, very personal feelings (when they're negative) makes me feel small, weak and vulnerable. I hate hate HATE feeling like that. I want to be the strong one, not the weak one! (And I don't mean to offend with that statement - I hold that standard PRIMARILY to myself, and if I hold it towards others, it's subconscious.)
    I never really thought of it that way, but that does sound like it would be a reason behind not wanting to express those feelings. For me, I never even thought of it as making me feel vulnerable or anything else you said, I just never even knew what to think. When it's a time that I should probably be expressing how I feel about something, there's often just a long period of silence out of me because I just don't know what to do or say.



    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    1. Have you considered that others don't like the feeling of being "the weak one" all the time. They want to feel that they have something worthwhile to offer you and that you might turn to them if you ever needed comfort.
    I don't think it necessarily has to be a case of "the strong one" and "the weak one" every time, just that individually, we want to be strong as opposed to weak. Get what I'm trying to say?

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    5. Do you like the feeling of people relying on you when they are at a low point or need help with something, or do you find it an obligation?
    Depends on who it is and what the situation is. I generally don't like to hear anything extremely negative or anything with a massive amount of complaining. Hmm, this is really a tough one. I may have to think more about this and get back to it.

  5. #135
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Max View Post
    I totally relate to this. Hah... I love whenever you say something and I think to myself, Hey, I do that too!
    The feeling is mutual

    I never really thought of it that way, but that does sound like it would be a reason behind not wanting to express those feelings. For me, I never even thought of it as making me feel vulnerable or anything else you said, I just never even knew what to think. When it's a time that I should probably be expressing how I feel about something, there's often just a long period of silence out of me because I just don't know what to do or say.
    Interesting. For me, when I encounter that sort of situation, where I'm expected to open up and I just sit there, that's immediately followed by guilt, e.g. "I should be doing something right now! Why can't I figure out what to do???" And that's when I want to run away, from it being awkward. So maybe it's more embarrassment than vulnerability - mostly when I'm responding to someone else's emotions. With my own, though - THAT'S where the whole vulnerability thing comes in. For me, anyways.

    I wonder how many of these differences have to do with gender...
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  6. #136
    Member Sam Spade's Avatar
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    Only my girlfriend and mother really see my true feelings. A lot of times my true feelings shock friends of mine so I tend to keep them hidden (I was once told that the sight of me crying would destroy someone's worldview).

    Right now my ESTj girlfriend and my best friend from high school (INTP) are the only people who truly know me.
    "Knights had no meaning in this game. It wasn't a game for knights."

  7. #137
    don't fence me in sui generis's Avatar
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    Bumping up a hella old thread. I was looking through the "Guardhouse Classics" thread and this one inspired me. Also, I am procrastinating.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam Spade View Post
    A lot of times my true feelings shock friends of mine so I tend to keep them hidden (I was once told that the sight of me crying would destroy someone's worldview).
    This is the reason that, while I'm honest with everyone, I'm only open about my emotions to my inner circle. I know there are people who see me as... almost infallibly confident and strong, and, well, I'm only human. :steam:

    I'm completely open with my feelings to my inner circle of friends and lovers- about five people in total. Being open with my feelings was *definitely* a learned process for me- it doesn't come naturally, but it is worth it to me because of the emotional intimacy it creates, and also because I need to think out loud to *someone*.



    Under what circumstances do people see your real feelings?
    Most people don't get to unless I am truly in crisis and can't summon up the energy to keep myself stoic-ish. Friends get to see a little more, and the inner circle gets to see pretty much everything eventually.

    How do you differentiate between your inner circle and your aquaintances in what you would share?
    I think it depends on what it is that I'm sharing. If it's something that still feel scary and vulnerable and complicated, I'm only going to share it with members of my inner circle. If it's something that's not vulnerable or scary, I'm more likely to share it with my friends at large.

    Or are you asking how someone gets *into* my inner circle? I think it's a combination of my having known them for a long time and having gone through lots of shit with them, and a general understanding that we're on the same team and that there's no judgment or bullshit in our relationship. I have to have a lot of respect for them, for our relationship, and I have to trust their discretion.

    What makes it so uncomfortable to be explicit with how you feel?
    Hmm. I think there is a certain level of fear of being judged, which doesn't exist when I'm talking with my inner circle. Other than them, though, I kind of think that my feelings are a vulnerable, private thing that just aren't the world's business.

    Also, do you tend to discuss pros and cons with a person or just mentally make a (mostly unchangeable) decision of what route you plan to take?
    Most of the time I'll process the whole situation with a loved one, and if I'm going to make an actual pros-and-cons list, I'll do it by myself, mainly just because it helps me to see things in writing on a list.
    Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
    Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.

    approx 55% ES, 90% TJ

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