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  1. #121
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    There is always someone who will "listen" to you online and provide feedback. And if there isn't, well, you aren't talking to anyone sepcifically so you can't really be offended by anyone in particular. If people DO offend you, you have the option to just log off or ignore them- temporarily or permanently- without leaving your seat.

    AND there is a much better chance of finding someone online who is in a similar situation that you are in and you can possibly help eachother. But not knowing anything about eachother other than the subject at hand, there is little to critisize about or judge about.

    People just tend to "get along" better online. Maybe it's because they are more friendly?
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #122
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    That's interesting - I always wondered if having someone to process things with a little bit would be helpful to you guys or not. I notice that you are vastly underrepresented by percentages on MBTI forums. Is it a lack of interest, or a discomfort in disclosing?

    I think these forums offer something different for each type: NFs find out that there are actually others like them, NTs find someone whose eyes don't glaze over to discuss ideas with in detail and so on. If you had to sum it up, what does this offer you? Also what made you interested in MBTI? Many SJs I know are kind of dismissive of it...

  3. #123
    Senior Member Eagle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Under what circumstances do people see your real feelings? Is there anyone who truly knows you? How do you differentiate between your inner circle and your acquaintances in what you would share? What makes it so uncomfortable to be explicit with how you feel?

    Also, do you tend to discuss pros and cons with a person or just mentally make a (mostly unchangeable) decision of what route you plan to take? If it's the second one, on what do you base your choice and why do you feel discussion would be uncomfortable/unnecessary?
    Ummm, not that often if ever.
    Probably not.
    I typically don't share to much if anything anyways. What I do share is based off of where they fall in my friends "groups." I share things with people I trust, and feel strongly towards.

    I don't really discuss, it's like inputting factors into a computer. Discussion is not necessarily uncomfortable it's just not necessary.
    - Caleb

    "I am what I need to be..."

    "Nemo me impune lacessit - No one provokes me with impunity."

  4. #124
    your resident asshole
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    That's interesting - I always wondered if having someone to process things with a little bit would be helpful to you guys or not. I notice that you are vastly underrepresented by percentages on MBTI forums. Is it a lack of interest, or a discomfort in disclosing?

    I think these forums offer something different for each type: NFs find out that there are actually others like them, NTs find someone whose eyes don't glaze over to discuss ideas with in detail and so on. If you had to sum it up, what does this offer you? Also what made you interested in MBTI? Many SJs I know are kind of dismissive of it...
    I don't ever really need to disclose my feelings and whatever. Usually I have a clear picture of how I feel in my head that is often difficult to put into words. It just sounds better in my brain. :/ Why do I have an interest in MBTI? TBH, I'm really not sure. It's just... interesting.

  5. #125
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Do you feel like it's helpful to have anonymous people to talk to about that sort of thing, or is it more as a way to educate them better?
    Both factors are at play. I want to tell people about myself and what I think is important but I don't feel comfortable saying it face-to-face to someone or online to someone I know well. So the anonymity helps, but I also want to tell people online certain things that are normally perceived to be true are not necessarily always true (education).

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Is the lack of talking about how you feel have more to do with how you effectively process things, or is it a fear of vulnerability/people's reaction to what you say?
    I don't want to use it as an excuse, but it's honestly not in my nature to reveal that much about myself, even to the ones close to me. I just don't feel comfortable doing it. I don't know why, I guess maybe I see it as a vulnerability to disclose too much about yourself.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    How is the internet different for you from talking to people in real life?
    Anonymity is the primary difference.

  6. #126
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Today I was going through some old books and happened upon Men Are From Mars... Now, I'm don't necessarily believe that the differences he mentions are cut across male/female lines, so much as thinker/feeler ones.

    One thing he says is that the more a man has a chance to listen to someone and be appreciated for the help they are providing by just listening, the more likely it is for him to open up.

    1) Do you think this is true for thinker/feeler interactions?

    2) Given the fact that you don't by nature open up a lot even to those close to you, do you think that the approach of your loved ones in this way would make a difference (no pressure, appreciation for listening, not expecting more...)

    3) If you knew that your privacy regarding your thoughts, feelings, or decision making processes was harming a close relationship, would it be worth the risk to change or is it something that the other person just needs to come to terms with?

  7. #127
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Today I was going through some old books and happened upon Men Are From Mars... Now, I'm don't necessarily believe that the differences he mentions are cut across male/female lines, so much as thinker/feeler ones.
    Hard to say. I've read some books about gender differences that are very accurate, even with me, a T female.

    One thing he says is that the more a man has a chance to listen to someone and be appreciated for the help they are providing by just listening, the more likely it is for him to open up.

    1) Do you think this is true for thinker/feeler interactions?
    Yes. Yes, I do. If someone opens up to me, I feel like that's an opportunity to reciprocate, and open up myself. (I may have mentioned this earlier in the thread, even. Can't remember.)

    2) Given the fact that you don't by nature open up a lot even to those close to you, do you think that the approach of your loved ones in this way would make a difference (no pressure, appreciation for listening, not expecting more...)
    Well, if I knew that people were doing that to me, I'd feel like I was being manipulated. But if you hid it well, there wouldn't be a problem.

    3) If you knew that your privacy regarding your thoughts, feelings, or decision making processes was harming a close relationship, would it be worth the risk to change or is it something that the other person just needs to come to terms with?
    Well, there would have to be a compromise. I'd like to keep SOME things private. I'd rather not go around sharing my deepest feelings left and right. But if I knew that it was hurting the relationship, I would discuss it with the person, and see what we could work out, and I would dedicate myself to fixing it. It would be worth it to try, I think.


    Random anecdote: I was talking to a group of three friends (one ESFJ, one IxxJ, one IxxP, all female), and I mentioned in passing that the movie that we had just gone to see had kind of made me sad. They didn't feel the same way, but when I opened up a little bit, they didn't really respond at all. There was a long, awkward silence. This happens to me fairly often, and I think it's part of the reason why I don't really like opening up to people. It's because the response is awkward. (Important to note that I said PART of the reason. Mostly, it's other things that we've talked about earlier.)
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    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



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  8. #128
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    3) If you knew that your privacy regarding your thoughts, feelings, or decision making processes was harming a close relationship, would it be worth the risk to change or is it something that the other person just needs to come to terms with?
    This scenario sounds especially tough, and by that, I mean I'd feel torn. When problems start showing themselves, I may realize that I've "gone too far," and realize that I'll have to push myself to change something. Have to take a risk. I'd be apprehensive about it, but for important relationships, I would certainly try.

    Now, once I've tried undoing the privacy to help the relationship, after I've taken some small step, I may stop and hope that will be enough, hope my efforts are noticed and appreciated. Every step of the way, when I have to give another inch, I would want to see "results," in a sense. I don't want to feel that I'm doing this for nothing.

  9. #129
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    1) Do you think this is true for thinker/feeler interactions?
    Yeah, probably. Not sure about the Feelers but it's fairly true for me as a Thinker.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    2) Given the fact that you don't by nature open up a lot even to those close to you, do you think that the approach of your loved ones in this way would make a difference (no pressure, appreciation for listening, not expecting more...)
    Yes, no doubt about it. A big yes, it would make me more comfortable.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    3) If you knew that your privacy regarding your thoughts, feelings, or decision making processes was harming a close relationship, would it be worth the risk to change or is it something that the other person just needs to come to terms with?
    It'd be worth changing it, if the person was close to me. Otherwise I would not care as much.

  10. #130
    Senior Member FallaciaSonata's Avatar
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    1) Do you think this is true for thinker/feeler interactions?
    For the most part, yes. At least for me, as a T, anyway. Although, even in a situation like that, I wouldn't open up unless I deemed it necessary. (i.e. It would benefit the other person somehow, without compromising my personal security, etc.)

    2) Given the fact that you don't by nature open up a lot even to those close to you, do you think that the approach of your loved ones in this way would make a difference (no pressure, appreciation for listening, not expecting more...)
    With loved ones, the same applies. I don't open up unless they need me to. (which I wouldn't notice unless they explicitly said "I need your opinion on such and such", etc)

    3) If you knew that your privacy regarding your thoughts, feelings, or decision making processes was harming a close relationship, would it be worth the risk to change or is it something that the other person just needs to come to terms with?
    Depends on the person. With a blood relative, such as my sister or my mom, etc, I would say they just need to deal with it. They will still love me if I don't change. (Although this depends on the degree of damage that is being dealt, in this case you weren't super-specific. Just in general, I guess.) If it was....let's say a love interest, I would bend over backwards in a heartbeat if they were important enough to me.




    Yeah, I've been ghosting on the forum for a bit. Haven't had a ton of time lately, but this thread is quite intriguing. Especially the NF bit. Incredibly useful information. I vote that fidelia makes threads more often. ; )

    Always remember to flank your enemies. History won't remember how dramatic your failed frontal assault looked. - Dragon Age: Origins

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