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Thread: Being guarded.

  1. #11
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    I don't care anymore, i posted a question which i was hoping would be able to give me some guidance and advice. Now i didn't put to much detail into it because that means i am opening myself up.

    Instead i just get criticism.

    I am sick of it on here. You just make people feel stupid when you do that.
    So why do it in the first place. No, lets not give some great advice, instead lets find fault. Good for you.

    Its the final straw. I am out of here.
    I have to agree, I have said before that many of my friends wouldn't join or hang around for very long because of the comments on their spelling or grammar. Many of them are ashamed of it, or have a condition that doesn't help and makes things worse.

    I don't think you should leave over it, for every grammar nazi there is a member who doesn't really care and understands that it's not the be all and end all of online communication.

    EDIT: and for many of the members that do make a comment over it, I think it's more a case of jest, a light hearted giggle at the way grammar and spelling is a big thing to a few other members here.
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  2. #12
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    I am not too guarded.

    If anything I am an open book.

    The disadvantage to being so is that the treacherous piss heads you meet along the way will take advantage of your openness and try to screw with you from time to time, but they are no competition for me and I smite them with ease and am then thankful that I know their true colors and can put them permanently on my blacklist.

    There are times though when it is appropriate to be somewhat guarded, but that is not my default.
    Mostly agreed word for word. Except I prefer to call my "blacklist", "ignorelist" instead. I don't easily resent people. I take a lesson from such episodes and never really give them much thought.

    Not saying that's exactly how you meant blacklist, Halla, just clarifying how I wouldn't use "blacklist" in its classical sense

  3. #13
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    im mostly an open book...most of the stuff i say somehow relates back to me personal life. most people don't realize it at first but all the metaphors or innuendos or stories that i make up/tell all come from personal life

    in a relationship, it depends...if im really into the person, i will try to get as close as possible...share most things about me...

    is that what you meant by guarded? or did you mean being very careful and not let first impressions fool you?

  4. #14
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Do you ever perceive yourself to be too guarded?
    Is it a good thing or bad?
    Do you ever wish you could find a way to fix that problem?
    Whilst in relationships, after a given time, are you able to drop that guard?
    (example, you give 80% and keep 20% guarded)
    Do you think being guarded is like an inbuilt thing... or is it only because "one time I dropped my guard and then I got burned... so never again." I mean, why are people cautious to begin with do you think?

  5. #15
    Supreme Allied Commander Take Five's Avatar
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    I'm on guard duty 24/7. there's only one person that has full access, and maybe not even that person. This is obviously a problem for forming relationships, but other than that it's something i'm happy with.
    Johari Nohari

    "If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared. "--Niccolo Machiavelli

  6. #16
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Damn, just realized I failed to reply to the topic with the obvious cheap joke of "attack is the best defense". Actually I do think it's partly true. If you draw the line soon enough people get the hint.

  7. #17
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    I am way too guarded for my own good. It's a very, very, VERY bad thing. In real life, that is. Online, I'm more open. The anonymity helps. But the guard in me never leaves its post, sad to say.
    I have these periods when I am more open to people, but it always depends on my mood. It's always either "Yes! Cloud nine!" or "____________". In the former, everything is perfect. I'm a regular blabber mouth then. But I always screen the information I give out, though. The hamster in my brain never rests. I know and I tell to myself that "Oh no. The bad times are never going to come back." But they always do. I know the signs but I still let it happen. It's hard to find the balance. When I'm feeling like the latter, the walls are completely up. No sharing whatsoever and I keep everything bottled up inside.
    I'm constantly aware when I'm in a good mood that its not going to last too long. I'd really have to put more effort in dealing with it and to find the balance to "fix" it.

    In relationships, I let myself be more vulnerable. I think I do keep some things guarded if I believe that they would not matter that much in the relationship. It is difficult to let myself be fully open but I think that I owe it to myself and to my SO to make things work. But even the slightest things can break the balance. It's very important to keep communicating.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Your seeing an assertive nudge as criticism as attack.

    My father thinks every remark aimed at him is an attack and then he fights.
    While my father criticizes my every action and I stop trusting him. i say to him while 50% may be criticisem the other 50% is assertiveness.

    To answer the OP yes I am guarded everywhere, its a natural tendency for me. as i mentioned to my life couch today my levels are such that i'm open with people or acquaintances at 20% and show very little of myself. even with my friends i show 50-60% of myself and this means that i am totally guarded. the way i know i open up more than that is when i feel comfortable to start expressing my dry,dark humour oh yeah and my introspection, you gotta love hot and heavy universal stuff and stuff only when i'm switched on otherwise it looks like the lights are on but nobody is home.

    and yes its a problem because i don't trust easily and the advice given me is that once i have self belief and confidence in who i am then i'll trust myself enough to trust others.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    The hamster in my brain never rests.
    Cute.

    Quote Originally Posted by Saslou
    ...
    Most people see me as rather guarded, and in some respects I am because I don't willing give out information about myself unless I'm asked directly. This is because I have this weird belief that other people aren't going to be interested much in my life, or that I won't be able to explain it well. It's much easier to be interested in the other person for connection.

    My friends have been specific that I don't allow them to help me when I'm down and that can frustrate them, but from my perspective it's because I don't want to overburden people with my problems. Occasionally with some piece of information such as my interest in the metaphysical/religion/spirtuality I'll keep to myself because it's more unusual and I'm afraid of rejection as a whole based on this small aspect of myself.

    Otherwise most of my life is an open book. If people ask about relationships, I'll tell them about my e-psuedo love life or whatever as long as I don't feel that I will be judged too negatively as a freak etc. I trust most people aren't there too harm me, so there's no real need to hide myself over normal stuff.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    Cute.
    Even the hamster in my brain is guarded -

    http://images.teamsugar.com/files/us...07/hamster.jpg

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