[ESTJ] Ask an ESTJ!

[Dailtone]

( regarding ESTJ towards ENFPs )

I like them, but I have no idea how they manage to like everyone. I mean, they're really, really nice people (in my experience), but when they're nice to literally EVERYONE, and it's like they're friends with thousands of people, you don't exactly feel special, you know? I like feeling like I'm at least a little bit special, in a friendship. Like I'm valued. And I dunno how much I feel that with ENFPs.

I guess it's just that they're so different from me, you know? I don't relate to them, even though I like them, and appreciate how they balance me out.

My husband used to complain about this to me all the time when we were newly weds ( and I suspect he still feels it on occasions ).

So here's my question : How do you make an an ESTJ feel really special, and valued and loved above others?
(especially since his birthday is coming up soon any ideas for how to make it meaningful to him?)

 

[EJCC]

Thank goodness! Your previous words regarding your opinions on NF left me a bit concerned. My ESTJ husband is hopeless at giving me compliments or affirmations about what he is attracted to in me ( of course it's not a life or death issue, but it would be NICE ONCE IN A WHILE to HEAR ).

I'm pretty sure , despite being what some might describe as a ditz, I possess the 3 qualities you listed. So hopefully those are the things he appreciates in me...

Aww.... It's probably that it makes him self-conscious and awkward/embarrassed to compliment you. I know that, with me, I rarely give "affirmations" (even though I should), because I feel like they turn my life into a Hallmark card, i.e. sappy, cliched, etc. Ironically, when people say those things to me, I don't feel that way at all. And yes, I know that's hypocritical. I guess I just figure that they know how I feel... even though they might not... so it can go unsaid.

My husband used to complain about this to me all the time when we were newly weds ( and I suspect he still feels it on occasions ).

WHEW - I'm not crazy/alone!

So here's my question : How do you make an an ESTJ feel really special, and valued and loved above others?
(especially since his birthday is coming up soon any ideas for how to make it meaningful to him?)

Little things that show that you know him really well and care about him - a gift that he's really wanted, for example - or maybe something romantic, to show what makes your relationship with him different from your relationship with anybody else.

 

[Tamske]

I'm not an ESTJ, but I'm going to answer anyway. I'm already quite experienced in making a particular ESTJ feel special .

I'm almost sure the key is TIME. Devote time to him/her. Don't go away physically and don't go away mentally (that last one is a tough one, I know).

Ask about their interests. Even if it's a thing you are not interested in. It's at once easy and difficult. The ESTJ's interest is almost a constant.
My husband is interested in meteorology and history. He's always been interested in meteorology and history and always will be. This gets boring after a while, at least to us NPs I guess.

If you ask me about the same subject again after 100 times, *I* would get the feeling you're not interested in me and are relying on a stock subject in order to please me. I guess ENFPs would get the same feeling, maybe even stronger. That's why we want to avoid it. But...
The ESTJ would not. He/she's *still* interested in that same subject.

I look at halos and clouds. We look at a history movie and I ask about the background.
We've even made a tradition out of it - when we have to drive a long distance, I would get my history lesson .

 

[EJCC]

If you ask me about the same subject again after 100 times, *I* would get the feeling you're not interested in me and are relying on a stock subject in order to please me. I guess ENFPs would get the same feeling, maybe even stronger. That's why we want to avoid it. But...
The ESTJ would not. He/she's *still* interested in that same subject.

That's a really good point! Thanks for posting. I hadn't thought about that before. And thanks for your other input, too. Sometimes (but NOT ALL THE TIME), people who know ESTJs know them better than they know themselves.

Any other questions?

 

[Dailtone]

That's a really good point! Thanks for posting. I hadn't thought about that before. And thanks for your other input, too. Sometimes (but NOT ALL THE TIME), people who know ESTJs know them better than they know themselves.

Any other questions?

What do ESTJ's have a weakness for? That thing that always attracts them in a member of the opposite sex?

Bwahaha

 

[Max]

What do ESTJ's have a weakness for? That thing that always attracts them in a member of the opposite sex?

Bwahaha

It seems like all I'm doing is finding flaws in members of the opposite sex. Everyone's an extreme of some sort, and I tend to overlook the good things. In terms of what is found physically attractive, that varies among the individual.

 

[PoprocksAndCoke]

Why are you guys so awesome?

 

[4375]

What do ESTJ's have a weakness for? That thing that always attracts them in a member of the opposite sex?

Bwahaha

For me......I like women who have a strong sense of emotional awarness. Mostly because I don't. I just find them intriguing. I guess it is the opposites attrach thing. I also like women who don't play games. The more straight forward the better.

Right now I am dating an INFJ. I like the similarities in values and the differences in life perspectives.

 

[4375]

Why are you guys so awesome?

I ask myself that everyday. Hahah Just kidding.

 

[Max]

I also like women who don't play games. The more straight forward the better.

I can agree with this. And not just with women, but in general. I can get frustrated with people who I consider to be clowns or I can't have a serious conversation with them.

Why are you guys so awesome?

My response to that is typically something along the lines of "Why do you suck so much?", but that works better in person when you can be smiling and laughing and you can see the reaction on their face. The real answer? I couldn't tell you. I've got a whole facebook fanclub dedicated to me that had 100 people join within the first 24 hours of its existence and I still don't know why.

 

[Tamske]

That's a really good point! Thanks for posting. I hadn't thought about that before. And thanks for your other input, too. Sometimes (but NOT ALL THE TIME), people who know ESTJs know them better than they know themselves.

I've been mulling that around in my head for a bit, and...
"Trying to know yourself" or "defining yourself" or "trying to be authentic"... I just can't imagine an ESTJ doing that!
Just add "by introspection" to the sentences above and you're right into INFP terrain...

I'm not trying to define or understand myself. To me, I am not that interesting - MBTI is. I'm using myself (and husband, and others) to try and understand MBTI.
Can I get my extravert badge now?

 

[PoprocksAndCoke]

Do you relate to Foreman of House or Zachariah of Supernatural?

 

[4375]

I am very introspective and I feel I know myself very well. The big thing to remember is even though personality typing is a great tool to understand people. However, every person is different and has their own variations of personality that may not fit within the parameters of their personality type.

 

[Tamske]

I am very introspective and I feel I know myself very well. The big thing to remember is even though personality typing is a great tool to understand people. However, every person is different and has their own variations of personality that may not fit within the parameters of their personality type.

Sure. I'm just talking about generalities here. It's nice to find such a lot of differences in one category...

 

[4375]

Sure. I'm just talking about generalities here. It's nice to find such a lot of differences in one category...

I agree with you. I really like these threads. It actually helps you see how you view yourself and how to understand others. I find personality tests and typing very interesting.

 

[Giggly]

Oh, man. I'm loving the balanced ESTJ's

 

[incubustribute]

Would an ESTJ mother have rose-coloured spectacles when evaluating their children, or would they be brutally honest? My mother's an ESTJ and she always insists how pretty I am, how great a figure I have, etc. Is this merely her way of trying to boost my confidence, or is she being honest? Or is she just being a proud mother who stares at a vulture and sees a swan?

She swears she's being objective, but I'm still sceptical.

In my experience, if an ESTJ gives you a compliment, they mean it. If they have a problem with ANYTHING you're doing...you will hear about it. This is a love/hate thing for me because I have a lot of respect for those that can be brutally honest; it makes the compliments all the more meaningful because you know they really mean it; but on the other hand, I wish they would just keep their mouths shut sometimes. My dad is ESTJ, and he tends to be very difficult to please when we go to restaurants. If the food's not right, or the waitress is slow, or someone 17 tables away in the corner is smoking, the management (or the rest of the family at least) will know about it. On the other hand, my girlfriend's senior cello recital was last night, and he (my dad) is the french horn professor at our school. He told her after that it was one of the best recitals he's seen EVER at our college, and I told her she should believe him. He's one of the ones who, if the recital/concert/opera didn't deserve a standing ovation, he will be the only one in the entire room sitting on his ass.

Hope this helps.

 

[Dailtone]

It seems like all I'm doing is finding flaws in members of the opposite sex. Everyone's an extreme of some sort, and I tend to overlook the good things. In terms of what is found physically attractive, that varies among the individual.

Hah! That sounds familiar. I would be the type to point out nice things about people. My husband would be far more likely to say nothing, or point out a perceived flaw, LOL

He used to comment about my being a bit chubby when we we're dating! It used to drive me insane. How could you like me and still make 'mean' comments about exercise tips and healthy eating? I am offended and yet intrigued by your brutal (to me) honesty!

Actually I think his realist view on things balances my optimism. ( As long as I don't let him overwhelm me, which can happen very easily, and I get all efficient and productive but suffer depressed butterfly syndrome )

PS: ESTJ's also find mood swings bizarre and annoying

QUESTION:

Must work ALWAYS come before play, ESTJ? do they EVER procrastinate?

 

[4375]

Procrastination just means double the work later.

 

[EJCC]

For me......I like women who have a strong sense of emotional awarness. Mostly because I don't. I just find them intriguing. I guess it is the opposites attrach thing. I also like women who don't play games. The more straight forward the better.

I entirely agree (if you replace "woman" with "man"). Also, they HAVE TO BE TRUSTWORTHY. I just went on a date with a guy last night, which didn't go well, almost entirely because I got the distinct impression that he would tell all his friends about anything I told him, even if I told him to keep it secret.

Why are you guys so awesome?

Four words: We git 'er done!

Oh, man. I'm loving the balanced ESTJ's

We love you too <3

QUESTION:

Must work ALWAYS come before play, ESTJ? do they EVER procrastinate?

Nah. I procrastinate when they're something I have to do that I REALLY don't want to do. But it usually doesn't take me too long to realize that I shouldn't be procrastinating at all, and inevitably I force myself (to my chagrin) to do the annoying work.

If the food's not right, or the waitress is slow, or someone 17 tables away in the corner is smoking, the management (or the rest of the family at least) will know about it.

I've never done this... Really...