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[ESTJ] Ask an ESTJ!

Sil

This is a test.
Joined
Aug 31, 2014
Messages
362
I meant, do you resent others, because you have to do it that way as opposed to coming out strait out.
Are you, calm and collected around people you know, or more direct?
How do you treat guests in your home? Is treating guests well, important to you?

1. Sure, it can irritate me in the moment. It demands extra work on my part to get the desired result. It's like having the option of escalator or stairs but you've got to take the stairs.
2. Those aren't opposites, so I'm not sure I'll answer your question the way you might hope.

Am I calm and collected around people I know?

Ehhh...it depends. I tend to express more Ne with people I know, which can make me appear more energetic at times.

But on the whole, I guess we could round to a yes. I'm not emotionally all over the place when I'm with people I know.

Am I more direct?

Yes. I am more direct with people I know because I know what they can handle.

I tend to be more polite around strangers because I don't know the limits I'm dealing with.

3. I don't have people over to my place. I'm a really bad host, so I avoid that issue. I'm not even kidding on this. Last person I had over to my place was probably five years ago.

If I'm in a situation where I had guests, I would treat them to the best of my ability. I don't really see a reason not to.
 

Forever

Permabanned
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Aug 30, 2013
Messages
8,551
MBTI Type
NiFi
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3w4
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sx/so
EDIT: No longer relevant and not cared for anyway.
 
Last edited:

marblecake1810

New member
Joined
Oct 26, 2015
Messages
3
MBTI Type
ENFP
Hey all! I made this thread in response to a few things:

1. My experience with the rampant misconceptions about ESTJs that so many members have here (based on very limited personal experience, if any),
2. Loads of random people on TypoC asking me questions about the ESTJs in their lives, because I'm one of the only semi-actively-posting ESTJs here, and
3. All the people who want me (and the other ESTJs here) to try to make a difference on this site.

Here's the idea: if anybody has any questions that only an ESTJ can answer (and please, no spamming!), do so here. I'll do my best to help you out. Also, I reqest that other ESTJs help out on this thread here too. This doesn't have to be a one-woman battle! But you obviously shouldn't feel obligated to help out if you don't want to. I can do this on my own if necessary.

EDIT: Don't be afraid to post here! I won't bite. :)

So here I am. Questions, anyone?

How will an ESTJ react when an ex brings up the idea of being friends?
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
19,129
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1w9
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sp/so
How will an ESTJ react when an ex brings up the idea of being friends?
Depends on the maturity of the ESTJ. Depends on how the breakup went. Depends on a lot of things.

I'd go for it though. Worst case scenario, you wait a bit and try again later. Maybe after 3-6 months.
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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People who are currently in relationships with ESTJs, or who have been in relationships with ESTJs in the past: What is that appealed to you about your ESTJ, initially? What drew you them?
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
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So ESTJ, why do you attack with frothy foam coming from your mouth?
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
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Gross. We don't ALL have rabies. #notallESTJs

That's good to know. My imagination inserted the the foam part. But they do seem to want to micromanage. This is where the attack comes from. Do you get told by therapists to try and live in the moment?

Edit: bonus question, how does one get on their good side while being themselves?
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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That's good to know. My imagination inserted the the foam part. But they do seem to want to micromanage. This is where the attack comes from.
It's not micromanaging for its own sake. It's micromanaging because they don't always trust others to do what they're supposed to do.

Do you get told by therapists to try and live in the moment?
No, actually.

Edit: bonus question, how does one get on their good side while being themselves?
Show them that you're competent, reliable, and worthy of respect.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
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It's not micromanaging for its own sake. It's micromanaging because they don't always trust others to do what they're supposed to do.


No, actually.


Show them that you're competent, reliable, and worthy of respect.

So the biggest problem is trust?
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
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Yeah, I guess. Lack of faith in people's ability to not screw up.

So would you buy the possibility that there is consistency based on the inconsistent behaviour?
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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So would you buy the possibility that there is consistency based on the inconsistent behaviour?
Only after they prove that they can get the job done. Once that's established, "inconsistent" methodology doesn't matter so much.
 

chubber

failed poetry slam career
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So how do ESTJs want to be treated when they realise they made a mistake and everyone else also knows it?
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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So how do ESTJs want to be treated when they realise they made a mistake and everyone else also knows it?
Like nothing ever happened.
 

SearchingforPeace

Well-known member
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Jun 9, 2015
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Yeah, I guess. Lack of faith in people's ability to not screw up.

I was struck as I read the back and forth with chubber with a few thoughts. I hope you don't mind me sharing.

Since everyone screws up, including ESTJs, isn't that holding people to irrationally perfectionist standards that no one could match?

Isn't a mote and beam issue?

I get the entire issue of imperfect people not hitting expected standards. I encounter it constantly and it is a very NFJ thing too.

But for me, it is then an opportunity to help them learn and grow. I let them know their failure is OK and life is full of imperfections. But that we grow from them.

This works wonders in public.... people suddenly are happy and smile big and get a lilt in their voices, better able to perform their jobs then when stressed out by mistakes they know already they have done.. People tell me I make their day daily as I lift them when they are bothered and upset by their imperfections just by letting them know it was ok.

I have talked with my Te Dom friends about this. Once they learned to better manage the issue of dealing with the mistakes of others, they are far happier not having the need to criticize incompetence. They, too, use mistakes as a tool for helping others learn rather than micro manage and criticize, though not in the same ways. A good supervisor is great at never letting the person know they have been managed.
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
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I was struck as I read the back and forth with chubber with a few thoughts. I hope you don't mind me sharing.

Since everyone screws up, including ESTJs, isn't that holding people to irrationally perfectionist standards that no one could match?

Isn't a mote and beam issue?


I get the entire issue of imperfect people not hitting expected standards. I encounter it constantly and it is a very NFJ thing too.

But for me, it is then an opportunity to help them learn and grow. I let them know their failure is OK and life is full of imperfections. But that we grow from them.

This works wonders in public.... people suddenly are happy and smile big and get a lilt in their voices, better able to perform their jobs then when stressed out by mistakes they know already they have done.. People tell me I make their day daily as I lift them when they are bothered and upset by their imperfections just by letting them know it was ok.

I have talked with my Te Dom friends about this. Once they learned to better manage the issue of dealing with the mistakes of others, they are far happier not having the need to criticize incompetence. They, too, use mistakes as a tool for helping others learn rather than micro manage and criticize, though not in the same ways. A good supervisor is great at never letting the person know they have been managed.
Yes to the bolded.

A bit confused by this post. Are you trying to convince me and the other forum ESTJs to not be that way, and to teach us to manage in the INFJ way?

It's worth noting that I don't typically micromanage. I tend to have more faith in people than that. Mostly because I don't think I'm the best at everything. At the same time, I don't think that your last sentence, about what makes a good supervisor, is always true. My management philosophy is to adapt my style based on what works best for my supervisees -- while always making sure that they know that I'm their manager. That I do have authority over them. Otherwise I go from being a mentor to a peer.
 

SearchingforPeace

Well-known member
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5,711
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ENFJ
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sx/so
People who are currently in relationships with ESTJs, or who have been in relationships with ESTJs in the past: What is that appealed to you about your ESTJ, initially? What drew you them?

I don't know if my wife is a ESTJ or a ISFP like her mom, but here are the qualities that attracted me back in the day when she definitely was using her Te, whether at a Te Dom ESTJ or a ISFP in the grip of inferior Te:

1. Energetic
2. Action oriented, a Doer
3. Capable
4. Competent
5. Problem solving
6. Intelligent
7. Sexy
8. Focused

Here are the traits I never liked

1. Micromanagement
2. Rigidity
3. Claiming expertise in areas she was clueless and trying to dictate how things were done (woodworking, academic subjects, auto repairs, etc. as well as common sense things "I know how to do brakes. I helped my dad." "Oh, I just watched for a few minutes. I don't know how to really. But you are doing it wrong, I am sure."
4. Fear of failure and vulnerability
5. Lack of trust
 

SearchingforPeace

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Yes to the bolded.

A bit confused by this post. Are you trying to convince me and the other forum ESTJs to not be that way, and to teach us to manage in the INFJ way?
No, I just was pointing out my experience and that of my Te dom friends. We do it different, but they are very effective in their way, which usually is so seamless people don't see it happening.


It's worth noting that I don't typically micromanage. I tend to have more faith in people than that. Mostly because I don't think I'm the best at everything. At the same time, I don't think that your last sentence, about what makes a good supervisor, is always true. My management philosophy is to adapt my style based on what works best for my supervisees -- while always making sure that they know that I'm their manager. That I do have authority over them. Otherwise I go from being a mentor to a peer.
 
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