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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #891
    Let's make this showy! Array raz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    It's pretty much never wrong when someone thinks I'm hot

    ...unless the person is old and/or creepy.

    EDIT (after checking out the Picture Time thread): ...But, raz, you are neither creepy nor old, so it's all good.
    Awwwwwsuuumm! *goes to scheme methods of courtship*


  2. #892
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    I guess I'll put away my bat then. *Grumpily settling down*
    This quote reminds me of my INTP friend. Which is a very good thing.

    But good gravy--he can drive me utterly nuts!! I really don't get it--not too many other people can get to me but he sure as hell does. I wonder if it's some special ESTJ touch...
    I dunno. Is it mostly him doing stuff like that? Or are there more quirks that bug you?

    (Speaking of unsolicited advice... I might suggest trying to laugh at those quirks instead of getting mad at them. It'll help you deal with them better, I think. "Oh man, there goes my ESTJ again, bossin' everyone around. Bless his little heart!")

    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    Awwwwwsuuumm! *goes to scheme methods of courtship*
    :blushing: *pretends like she didn't read that*

    and it's nice enough to
    make a man
    weep, but I don't
    weep, do
    you?


    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  3. #893
    Finis Array Redbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post


    I dunno. Is it mostly him doing stuff like that? Or are there more quirks that bug you?

    (Speaking of unsolicited advice... I might suggest trying to laugh at those quirks instead of getting mad at them. It'll help you deal with them better, I think. "Oh man, there goes my ESTJ again, bossin' everyone around. Bless his little heart!")
    *
    Oh, no--he has a lot more quirks that get on my nerves. He thinks his hugs are miracle cures for whatever is wrong. I get annoyed when they actually work sometimes...especially after I've insisted that I don't need one. He also won't let me see how upset he is when I'm right about something and he's not. That's just DAW!

    Here's a snapshot of an exchange between us (we were discussing him and how he communicates):

    From Me: Criticism from you can sound rather harsh and condescending (yeah--especially the latter. You almost got your head bashed in by yours truly for that, ya know?)
    You do make an effort to 'sound nice' about it but it still has this,
    "by God, you're stupid as fuck! Now listen to me and do as I say and everything will go right..." element to it.
    Not to me because my skin is a little too thick for that. I will admit I get annoyed to some degree because I partially interpret it as questioning my competency and knowledge. But I'm nice enough to tune your ass out, let you talk, and go right on with what I'm doing. It also helps if I say ugly things about you in my head.

    Like this:
    You: ______, you need to do a, b, c...
    Me: (Silently thinks), "Why is he telling me this? Hadn't it occurred to him that I already thought of these things? Methinks he doesn't know me well at all. Sheesh...."
    You: ______, are you listening to me?
    Me: HFN--I'm not listening to you.
    You: Well, you need to ....
    Me: Why?
    You: Because...
    Me (interrupts): I'm sorry, go ahead. (Silently thinks): "Don't let the fact that I'm ignoring you keep you from talking."

    You're supposed to laugh, __________. I thought it was funny....

    End exchange.

    He didn't think what I wrote above was funny. I've been waiting for many years for him to appreciate my quirky sense of humor.

    I don't really get angry with him but I do find it annoying at times. I just didn't get why he did it. To me, it seemed like what I was saying wasn't sinking in at all and I kept having to repeat myself...something I absolutely hate!

    I'll be sure to bask in his concern of me instead of finding it prickly. As a Southerner, I had to laugh about the "bless his heart" phrase. Blessing someone's heart covers a multitude of sins.
    Thanks!

  4. #894
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Forewarning: None of the below is me blaming you or taking his side. I'm simply trying to give an insight into his mysterious ESTJ brain...

    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    Oh, no--he has a lot more quirks that get on my nerves. He thinks his hugs are miracle cures for whatever is wrong. I get annoyed when they actually work sometimes...especially after I've insisted that I don't need one. He also won't let me see how upset he is when I'm right about something and he's not. That's just DAW!
    I think pretty much every ESTJ in the world is like that. It's more embarrassing to be an ESTJ who's wrong than any other type who's wrong, I think.

    Here's a snapshot of an exchange between us (we were discussing him and how he communicates):

    *insert silly anecdote-ish thing here*

    He didn't think what I wrote above was funny. I've been waiting for many years for him to appreciate my quirky sense of humor.
    INTP humor definitely takes some getting used to for ESTJs, I think - but only the INTP humor that involves teasing the ESTJ. Teasing anyone else? No big deal. But we have different standards for ourselves. (Lol, anyone who thinks ESTJs can't have sensitive moments is absolutely bonkers.)

    His internal response was probably:
    "...You tune me out? I didn't notice... And I was just trying to help... "

    I don't really get angry with him but I do find it annoying at times. I just didn't get why he did it. To me, it seemed like what I was saying wasn't sinking in at all and I kept having to repeat myself...something I absolutely hate!
    I guess there are two conflicting instincts for ESTJs in those situations:

    1. She's telling me to stop, so I should respect her wishes, trust her judgment, and stop.
    2. I worry about her. I want things to go well for her, because I care. I'm a type-A person, so I generally want to step in whenever there's something wrong, to try my best to get things fixed. So I should step in and help her.

    And considering that #1 is more Fe (weakest function) and #2 is more Te (strongest function), you can tell which one will win in the end. It's sad, really. And it also explains why your ESTJ always sounds so condescending, even when he doesn't mean to and he's (I'm guessing) not nearly as arrogant as he sounds - because he's got no Fe to speak of.

    I'll be sure to bask in his concern of me instead of finding it prickly. As a Southerner, I had to laugh about the "bless his heart" phrase. Blessing someone's heart covers a multitude of sins.
    Thanks!
    Aw No problem! Even though I was raised in the West, my whole family lives in the South, so I guess I have that particular brand of passive-aggressiveness built in.

    and it's nice enough to
    make a man
    weep, but I don't
    weep, do
    you?


    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  5. #895
    にゃん Array runvardh's Avatar
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    What would happen if an ESTJ were given a log with all the thought processes, problem solving processes, and actions taken to date along with where the current walls are - then told to read first?
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #896
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Um... :confused: I'm not sure what you mean. Read what? Read the log before taking action?

    and it's nice enough to
    make a man
    weep, but I don't
    weep, do
    you?


    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #897
    don't fence me in Array sui generis's Avatar
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    Oh hai, I've been reading tonight, though I've been busy.

    I am confused too. Can has moar information?
    Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
    Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.

    approx 55% ES, 90% TJ

  8. #898
    Writing... Array Tamske's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    (Speaking of unsolicited advice... I might suggest trying to laugh at those quirks instead of getting mad at them. It'll help you deal with them better, I think. "Oh man, there goes my ESTJ again, bossin' everyone around. Bless his little heart!")
    You know what gets on my nerves?
    When "there goes my little ESTJ again" he's RIGHT and I'm WRONG.
    He's so much better than I am. He's more or less a constant given, always there, if you'd sculpt an allegory of Reliability it's him.
    I'm the one who breaks down all the time, who needs to be forgiven, who is irrational(*) and flaky.
    I hate this. I've always got the impression I have to be as good for him as he's for me, and I can't do that.
    (*) I especially hate my irrational bursts. I know even while I'm doing it things are wrong. Mostly they are driven by the "I want to be as good for you as you are for me" thought, making the irrational circle complete and driving my ESTJ up the wall. Argh. I don't want. I'm currently trying to rewire my brain and add a "recognize pattern and cut short" to it.

    ... Is cooking a good meal every day enough?
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  9. #899
    Finis Array Redbone's Avatar
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    EJCC,

    You made my day with your clarification--thanks so much! You need to get paid for this!!!!

  10. #900
    にゃん Array runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Um... :confused: I'm not sure what you mean. Read what? Read the log before taking action?
    Before going into suggestion mode on a situation. I have a bad habbit of already having the t-shirt from a lot of suggestions friends and family have for me.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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