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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #841
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    EJCC,

    Do you ever find yourself rushing to finish a task-just to have completed it and removed it from your list?
    Yes. Absolutely. The ESTJ "git-r-done" mindset, when frustrated and under pressure, can easily transform into a mindset of "I just want this to be OVER with!!!" ...meaning that I'll sometimes do the bare minimum on things so I can cross it off my to-do list and get to "more important things".

    Also-Very young ESTJs-and even myself when in Te mode-can be a bit blunt, and well, sometimes appear rude. Did you face this when very young and if so, how long did it take to learn to be more smooth in delivery? Do you find certain communication techniques to be more useful when dealing with sensitive individuals?
    I did face this when I was young. I, as well as everyone else I knew, mistook it for arrogance, but I'm not so sure in retrospect. It may have simply been a lack of a filter. I think it took me most of my adolescence to learn to think about others' feelings before I spoke. A lot of people face this, and sometimes they handle it with white lies, but I'm still averse to lying. Therefore, here's what I've learned to do, with sensitive people.

    Example...
    Friend: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
    What the friend wants me to say: "No, you look fabulous."
    What I want to say: "Yes, it does."
    What I say: "It's not the most figure-flattering dress I've seen on you. Maybe we should look for something that puts more of an emphasis on your waist."

    In other words... since I've gotten more mature, I've learned the value of diplomatic language.

    Also, you've probably noticed that the way I communicate online is very... deliberate. That's another way I make sure that people aren't offended by things I say/write. I take precautions. I'm careful.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  2. #842
    Finis Array Redbone's Avatar
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    If an ESTJ says, "I love you", it's very serious, right? Someone may have covered this already but I don't have time to read back through here.

  3. #843
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    If an ESTJ says, "I love you", it's very serious, right? Someone may have covered this already but I don't have time to read back through here.
    I don't remember if anyone asked it before. Too long ago! But the answer to your question is YES. We're not the types of people who say "I love you" to just about anyone. We almost never beat around the bush or say things we don't mean, and the same rule applies here. When an ESTJ is sappy without looking like they're joking around, that's serious business, and I think most people take it too lightly. I sometimes find myself responding (mentally): "I was just baring my soul! How can you be joking at a time like this??? "
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  4. #844
    Finis Array Redbone's Avatar
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    Thanks for the answer.

    I know an ESTJ that has sworn for years that he loves me, that I was special to him. I always wondered whether to take him seriously or not--love or stuck in a state of long-term lust? I wonder what he sees in me, especially being INTP...

  5. #845
    Writing... Array Tamske's Avatar
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    More ESTJ-English:

    "I love you" -> "I love you, or so I think"
    Repeated "I love you" -> "I love you and I'm now used(*) to this strange loving thing too, so you'd better start to love me back"
    (*) Remember that "used to" and "routine" are good things.
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
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  6. #846
    Writing... Array Tamske's Avatar
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    Help! My ESTJ is actually an ISTJ!
    And he doesn't like the outcome of the test. He wants to be an E
    So either my test is biased towards I, or I've really got an Introvert husband...
    [/ silly question]
    Now a real question: how would you make questions discerning between E/I for Te users? Because I suspect most of my E/I questions are actually Fe use/not Fe use questions...
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  7. #847
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    Help! My ESTJ is actually an ISTJ!
    And he doesn't like the outcome of the test. He wants to be an E
    So either my test is biased towards I, or I've really got an Introvert husband...
    [/ silly question]
    Nah, that's not so silly. My answer: I probably wouldn't trust that test, if I were you. I test as ISTJ all the time, but I'm still really, really E. (In terms of gaining energy from people, not in terms of being extra talkative.) So if you and he are pretty sure, and if you see more Te than Si in him, and if my answers on this thread have reminded you of him, chances are that he's still an E.
    Now a real question: how would you make questions discerning between E/I for Te users? Because I suspect most of my E/I questions are actually Fe use/not Fe use questions...
    Well, there's always the generic one that works for all types: Are you more drained by socializing, or by time alone with no outside stimulation? Also: Would you rather be with others for a day, or with your own thoughts?

    But in terms of Si dom vs. Te dom (ISTJ vs. ESTJ), I can't come up with any good questions at the moment... This thread might help you, though:

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...tml#post461776
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  8. #848
    Writing... Array Tamske's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Well, there's always the generic one that works for all types: Are you more drained by socializing, or by time alone with no outside stimulation? Also: Would you rather be with others for a day, or with your own thoughts?
    That's actually a very difficult question, both for he and for me. It depends what the day before was like. If it was a busy day full of people, I'd rather be alone, and vice versa.
    Also, I've learnt this on this forum, for NTPs the E part is picky. If small-talk is expected, if the goal of the talking is "talking and connecting" rather than "discuss ideas and theories", this interaction is rather draining.

    Maybe it's the same for you.
    When my husband is together with colleagues, the talk turns to work and other things I'd consider boring, but he seems to enjoy it. He hates talking about the children (we don't have any yet, maybe that will change), though. I can imagine you'd hate the sort of talk that seems only to consist of compliments and gossip and relations (A said that to B and now C thinks A bullies B and said that to D and...) and with no relevant information shared...
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  9. #849
    Aquaria Array mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Not sure if you've already answered this, as I'm not about to sift through 85 pages, but:

    A: How do you handle it when a co-worker (tactfully) points out something glaringly obvious, that you've missed?

    B: How do you react when a co-worker pisses you off by coming late and holding up a big project? Do you tell them "It's OK, don't worry about it. Just try to watch the time next time." or do you berate them senseless?
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  10. #850
    Writing... Array Tamske's Avatar
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    If I may hazard a guess... (answering for the ESTJ, of course)

    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    Not sure if you've already answered this, as I'm not about to sift through 85 pages, but:
    A: How do you handle it when a co-worker (tactfully) points out something glaringly obvious, that you've missed?
    If it's too tactful, we won't realize something is wrong. If, on the contrary, the co-worker is rational and to the point, we'll slap our heads and thank the coworker. Best way to point out mistakes to an ESTJ:
    "ESTJ, there's something wrong here. Look,..."

    B: How do you react when a co-worker pisses you off by coming late and holding up a big project? Do you tell them "It's OK, don't worry about it. Just try to watch the time next time." or do you berate them senseless?
    Make sure everybody (especially the boss) knows who's responsible for holding up the project.
    More problematic is it when it's the boss himself who holds up the project. My husband has that problem - his boss is very competent and friendly, he likes him, but boss has no grasp on time management. He complains to his wife about this... (and wife, who has at least a little grasp on time management, feels proud of herself) AND he nags the boss!
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
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