I guess, in order to deal with that, it would be helpful to either 1. hold the emotion in (if it's a minor event, like the TV thing I mentioned), or 2. help put the ESTJ in an objective position, mentally. I think the best way to do that, for me, would be to ask me for advice on something, instead of just venting. Part of why I get mad when people make me upset is because most things I get upset about, I get upset about because I feel like there's an injustice going on and there's nothing I can do to change it. Making the ESTJ feel like they can be of some help might be good - that is, if they actually CAN be of help. I'm not suggesting that you pretend anything. If they can't be of any help, maybe you could be blunt with them and say that you just want their support in your tough time, and that you're feeling upset because of a bad situation (but not going into all the gory details), and that way the ESTJ can play the safe role of protective loved one, and they don't have to, you know, FEEL anything
I think it's more Te, i.e. seeing a problem that needs solving and immediately moving to fix it. There's kind of a mindset of "Why would you want to mope, when it would make so much more sense to just solve the problem?" So I guess, in a way, it is avoiding vulnerable emotions, but it's also that git-r-done ESTJ attitude hard at workI also remember my ESTJ expressing confusion over my response to a frustrating and hopeless feeling university situation over the only paper that was keeping me from getting my Master's. He could not understand sadness/dread/sick feelings as a response and said, "I get ANGRY when stuff like that happens and that fuels me to MAKE whatever needs to happen come about". Do you think that anger is perhaps a knee-jerk response to vulnerable emotions?