I think it's pretty typical of anyone to feel very hurt when someone breaks up with them, but ESTJs aren't generally the type to "play the victim", and what you're describing sounds like how ESTJs generally act when they get hurt, i.e. angry and self-assured on the outside, wallowing in sad, insecure emotions on the inside. Definitely not a split personality, and definitely not a side of him that he was hiding from you. Generally, with ESTJs, what you see is what you get, so you can be sure that he either rarely or never faked anything with you. At least, until now, since he's hiding his vulnerability, and, presumably, his lingering affection for you.Is that a common response if an ESTJ feels "rejected" (I say this because every time he got worked up he said he wasn't used to feeling "rejected")? It was like a split personality... he became argumentative, belligerent, somewhat boastful and arrogant... almost everything he wasn't before (or I'm starting to wonder if it's "everything he didn't want me to see before" ).
That should definitely help. I think that what'll really make things better again, besides closure from you, is time for him to get over it and forgive you. Honestly, anything that can't be solved with closure that you initiate is his problem, so if it doesn't end up working out, you are not to blame.Anyways, you're right, I need to initiate some real closure. I've tried before but it never ended well. I think I was pushing for it too soon, though. Maybe after enough time without contact allowed for both of us to get some perspective so we can talk like rational people again. In fact, that's what I liked most about our relationship... we didn't "fight." We would converse.. without anyone getting worked up. Not the case anymore, but hopefully it will be again.
Again, not sure if that will fix everything, but there's a good chance. Thanks for the question, and good luck!