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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #781
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    What I want to say is... it's perfectly possible to make them understand that their way of working isn't your way. Just be reasonable and... BLUNT. You can't expect them to understand you don't like their meddling if you just give them the cold shoulder or anything.
    "Say, are you aware you're doing this? I really don't like it. I'd prefer..."
    Probably you'll get a "but" or two, but if you stand your ground you'll get something like "let's try". Try and prove yourself.
    There's nothing that convinces an ESTJ better than seeing that things do work out.
    +100. That's EXACTLY right! Way to go Tamske

    I've had the "let's try" answer on "Say, I've fallen in love with you. Care to be my boyfriend?"
    Aw, cute
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  2. #782
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    How do you let an ESTJ know you care?

    And better yet, How do you let an ESTJ know that just because you're scatter-brained and forgot to call back when you were supposed to that it wasn't a malicious act done against them, nor does it mean that they are not important to you?

  3. #783
    Senior Member Max's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chaolioe View Post
    How do you let an ESTJ know you care?
    My best advice is to just be straight with them. Tell them directly what it is that they do that you appreciate and be clear about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chaolioe View Post
    And better yet, How do you let an ESTJ know that just because you're scatter-brained and forgot to call back when you were supposed to that it wasn't a malicious act done against them, nor does it mean that they are not important to you?
    If it's just once, it shouldn't be a big deal, but if it's a consistent pattern, it can get frustrating. Unfortunately, I'm not tempted to call my aunt anymore, who never answers my calls when I want to see her. I would call them back as soon as possible!

  4. #784
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    That's actually pretty helpful. I'm glad I've been doing it right all along, telling him exactly what about him makes me love him. It's a little frustrating that in return he'll just tell me he loves me for me, though. I feel like that's really vague- is there anything I can do to get him to say which things he likes about me other than "Yeah, but what exactly about me do you love?" That never gets me clarification.


    And for the other thing, it is a consistent pattern and I can imagine how upsetting and frustrating it is. I always call back as soon as I remember or realize I have a missed call- but recalling my things to do isn't my forte.

  5. #785
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chaolioe View Post
    And better yet, How do you let an ESTJ know that just because you're scatter-brained and forgot to call back when you were supposed to that it wasn't a malicious act done against them, nor does it mean that they are not important to you?
    Hmm, I've also found that deviations from the expected can make them freak out a bit.



  6. #786
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    I totally agree with Max and Jock. But to further answer this question:
    Quote Originally Posted by Chaolioe View Post
    And better yet, How do you let an ESTJ know that just because you're scatter-brained and forgot to call back when you were supposed to that it wasn't a malicious act done against them, nor does it mean that they are not important to you?
    Say exactly that. Seriously, just say to them "I think you should know: Just because I'm scatter-brained and forgot to call back when I was supposed to, doesn't mean that it was a malicious act done against you, nor does it mean that you're not important to me." <---almost exact quote. If you're direct about it, they'll respond positively. Generally, when I get frustrated with someone if they don't call back, it's because I just want to know WHY they didn't call back. So if you answer that - even if your answer is "because I'm scatter-brained" - they'll be happy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #787
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    Thanks. I tried telling him that-- but he doesn't seem to really understand anything I say until I'm at the point of tears and he knows I'm being genuine.
    I feel he finally understood what I meant when he was upset about it yet again and it made me cry and he asked what the problem was and I nearly shouted that I didn't want to lose him just because I'm F*ing retarded. He understood that.

    I'm extremely appreciative of this thread existing because two of the most important men in my life are ESTJs...

    Thank you all so much. You'll probably see me back here often for the reason stated above. (Silly me, nfp, knowing nothing about thinking or sensing xD)

  8. #788
    Senior Member ColonelGadaafi's Avatar
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    When dealing with an ESTJ, be blunt, concise and accurate about just exactly the matter you wish to speak of. We will have it no other way.

  9. #789
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chaolioe View Post
    I'm extremely appreciative of this thread existing because two of the most important men in my life are ESTJs...
    Dear Scatterbrain,
    if you happen to live together with an ESTJ, you can even take advance of him to get a bit more organized!
    Let the ESTJ organize for you. They love doing that, they really feel appreciated as they are needed for the thing they do best.
    I'm organized almost to the point of J-ness thanks to my External Te
    The drawback of this is, of course, a good bit of nagging...

    Love from
    Another Scatterbrain
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  10. #790
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    Dear Scatterbrain,
    if you happen to live together with an ESTJ, you can even take advance of him to get a bit more organized!
    Let the ESTJ organize for you. They love doing that, they really feel appreciated as they are needed for the thing they do best.
    I'm organized almost to the point of J-ness thanks to my External Te
    The drawback of this is, of course, a good bit of nagging...

    Love from
    Another Scatterbrain
    Yes, please do that! I second what Tamske said here - we LOVE that sort of thing. One of my best friends, a supremely disorganized ENFJ, told me that when he got an apartment (away from his roommate), he'd call me to help him decorate. I'm not exaggerating when I say that this was my response: "Oh my god! I am SO there! I don't care where I am - I'll skip school, important events, whatever - but I WILL help you decorate!"

    I think one reason why we love stuff like that is that - well, for me anyways, I tend to nag people a lot when they have cleaning/decorating issues, and my comments/concerns tend to get ignored, or at least dismissed. So, when they're not, you get this...

    Me: "This place is a wreck. You have trash on the floor! You've stored part of your mess in a suitcase to avoid the problem instead of solving it!* We seriously need to have a cleaning party."
    My ENFJ friend: "... Okay, sure!"
    Me: "... what??? *ahem* I mean, awesome! It's a plan!"



    *Literally. I was not using a metaphor - he actually had a suitcase full of junk in his closet.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

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