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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #761
    Probably Most Brilliant Craft's Avatar
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    So, how do I properly approach an ESTJ? I know one but we don't really click well with the topics. I talk about one topic, he ignores. He talks about another, I ignore. It really doesn't seem natural.

    So, how do I befriend an ESTJ?

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    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Craft View Post
    So, how do I properly approach an ESTJ? I know one but we don't really click well with the topics. I talk about one topic, he ignores. He talks about another, I ignore. It really doesn't seem natural.

    So, how do I befriend an ESTJ?
    Does he ACTUALLY ignore you, or does he just give you a brief response and not try to continue the conversation? 'Cause the latter of those two options is something I've noticed in other ESTJs, and something I tend to do myself.

    What I would try doing, in response to both of your questions, is doing a little bit of investigating about him. Get to know some of his friends, and see what he's like. That should tell you some more things he's interested in, and then you can have some guaranteed topics for the next time the two of you are in a casual, conversational atmosphere.

    I will tell you, though, that just because you don't have substantive conversation with him, doesn't mean you won't later. For the first six months that I knew the ENFJ guy who would grow to be my best friend, we only talked about YouTube videos. JUST that topic! ESTJs can be cautious people in terms of making the first move, so if the two of you end up having some chemistry, and if things go smoothly, you'll be friends. But don't look for open displays of friendly affection - an ESTJ's sweet gestures can be hard to appreciate, for some, because they don't realize how much meaning the ESTJs put into the sweet gestures.

    Wow, I'm going too far with this topic! Lol. Either way, it's either all that, or he's genuinely not interested in talking to you, in which case you'd have to work a lot harder to get him to be your friend.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  3. #763
    Probably Most Brilliant Craft's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Does he ACTUALLY ignore you, or does he just give you a brief response and not try to continue the conversation? 'Cause the latter of those two options is something I've noticed in other ESTJs, and something I tend to do myself.
    very very precisely. =)

    What I would try doing, in response to both of your questions, is doing a little bit of investigating about him. Get to know some of his friends, and see what he's like. That should tell you some more things he's interested in, and then you can have some guaranteed topics for the next time the two of you are in a casual, conversational atmosphere.

    I will tell you, though, that just because you don't have substantive conversation with him, doesn't mean you won't later. For the first six months that I knew the ENFJ guy who would grow to be my best friend, we only talked about YouTube videos. JUST that topic! ESTJs can be cautious people in terms of making the first move, so if the two of you end up having some chemistry, and if things go smoothly, you'll be friends. But don't look for open displays of friendly affection - an ESTJ's sweet gestures can be hard to appreciate, for some, because they don't realize how much meaning the ESTJs put into the sweet gestures.

    Wow, I'm going too far with this topic! Lol. Either way, it's either all that, or he's genuinely not interested in talking to you, in which case you'd have to work a lot harder to get him to be your friend.
    It's been a almost 2 years actually. And all he did was continosuly answer in a succinct manner which I'm getting the impression of me being disliked. Sometimes when I get more stereotypically manly, he shows interest. The facade doesn't last very long though.

  4. #764
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Craft View Post
    It's been a almost 2 years actually. And all he did was continosuly answer in a succinct manner which I'm getting the impression of me being disliked. Sometimes when I get more stereotypically manly, he shows interest. The facade doesn't last very long though.
    Huh. Yeah, that sounds like he doesn't like you very much. What I might do in your situation would be to find out from someone what exactly it is that he doesn't like, and whether it's the type of thing that can be fixed, e.g. if it's a small behavior that you can stop doing in front of him, or if it's based on a misconception that you can prove incorrect. If you have mutual friends, they're who I'd go to for that info.

    The other option I can think of would be giving up, and just accepting that he doesn't like you and there's nothing you can do about it. I obviously wouldn't go for this option unless it's a last resort.

    One other question, though, since I missed the "he talks, i ignore" part of your earlier post: Does that mean that he's actually tried to make conversation with you before, and it didn't work? Follow-up question: Do you share any common interests that you can think of?
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  5. #765
    One day and the next Rainne's Avatar
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    Hi ESTJs.

    Is there any point in arguing with you? You always seem to think you're right. =(

  6. #766
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainne View Post
    Hi ESTJs.

    Is there any point in arguing with you? You always seem to think you're right. =(
    There's absolutely a point in arguing with us. We're not as rigid as other types (cough INFJs cough), even though we seem rigid. If you show us irrefutable evidence of something, you can convince us. We just won't want to admit that we were wrong, because we're prideful creatures...

    An example of an ESTJ being convinced that something is true=
    ESTJ: That's not true! What about ____ and _____? Everyone knows about THOSE.
    xxxx: Well, actually, check out these statistics from (insert credible source here). Also, here's why your logic is wrong... ___________.
    ESTJ: ... Huh. Okay.

    The "huh. okay." is their way of saying "I'm convinced now. I'll register that as fact from now on, and argue your side if the argument comes up again."
    It could also mean: "God damn it, you're right. I can't believe I just spent all that time arguing the wrong side! I'll make a dismissive statement so we can move on to a different topic and I can avoid my severe and acute embarrassment."

    Speaking of that, check out posts 745-8: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ml#post1085727
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #767
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    Also, a question for other ESTJs: How do you act when you're around people you hate? I want to see if what I do is typical.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  8. #768
    One day and the next Rainne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    There's absolutely a point in arguing with us. We're not as rigid as other types (cough INFJs cough), even though we seem rigid. If you show us irrefutable evidence of something, you can convince us. We just won't want to admit that we were wrong, because we're prideful creatures...

    An example of an ESTJ being convinced that something is true=
    ESTJ: That's not true! What about ____ and _____? Everyone knows about THOSE.
    xxxx: Well, actually, check out these statistics from (insert credible source here). Also, here's why your logic is wrong... ___________.
    ESTJ: ... Huh. Okay.

    The "huh. okay." is their way of saying "I'm convinced now. I'll register that as fact from now on, and argue your side if the argument comes up again."
    It could also mean: "God damn it, you're right. I can't believe I just spent all that time arguing the wrong side! I'll make a dismissive statement so we can move on to a different topic and I can avoid my severe and acute embarrassment."

    Speaking of that, check out posts 745-8: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ml#post1085727
    Okay.
    Weathergirl: District 38 is sunny. Slight rock showers this morning. Chance of rock showers into the afternoon—20 percent. District 39 is cloudy. Chance of rock showers this afternoon—10 percent.
    Edward: Bebop here here! Alright woo hoo!
    Weathergirl: Chance of rock showers today upgraded to 90 percent.
    Edward: Really.

  9. #769
    Probably Most Brilliant Craft's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post

    One other question, though, since I missed the "he talks, i ignore" part of your earlier post: Does that mean that he's actually tried to make conversation with you before, and it didn't work?
    Yes with a smiling face.

    Him: Hey, this guy is X and Y haha.
    Me: I just smile, pause and continue on something else.

    I just don't have a comment really. At times, I think I ignored him because it seemed unimportant to me.

    ---

    Another ESTJ I know seems to never start a conversation with me. It's always me who initiates(and i'm an introvert) and what I always get left with is a "No." "Yes." "This is X." I ask only about 3-5 questions so I won't seem annoying. But when I argue about something, he really shows off his enthusiasm. Those are very short though.

    Follow-up question: Do you share any common interests that you can think of?
    Absolutely nothing with the first one. He likes women and tries to joke around which I don't think are funny.

    Videogames with the other one. Except I've tried talking about videogames and still he does the "one answer, now go away" conversation.

    So, what are the signs of an ESTJ disliking you?

  10. #770
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    The ones I know are generally schmoozers (not necessarily in a bad way though) and you would never know for sure, unless you really made them mad, in which case they'd tell you off. The business like answer seems more to me like them just not considering the information that important right then and them being focussed on whatever mattered more at the time. At the same time, sometimes it seems as if those who are lower in rank could be deemed less important in terms of either social standing or information (both of which matter a bit) and therefore may command less attention. Where are you EJCC?

    (Oh yeah and good call on the INFJ stubbornness/not changing their mind thing. It's a shortcoming of ours...I sure wish I had understood years ago though about how ESTJs sneakily admit defeat and change their minds. I just assumed because they didn't acknowledge it and I likely wouldn't change my mind that they weren't doing it either.)

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