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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #601
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    I still never got that figured out...

  2. #602
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4375 View Post
    For me......I like women who have a strong sense of emotional awarness. Mostly because I don't. I just find them intriguing. I guess it is the opposites attrach thing. I also like women who don't play games. The more straight forward the better.

    Right now I am dating an INFJ. I like the similarities in values and the differences in life perspectives.
    Really? Wow...I think it's the same for my boyfriend's attraction to me. He likes that I like people, haha. Do you and your INFJ girlfriend have any difficulties communicating or seeing eye-to-eye (if it's even possible on some topics )?

    Any tips for an ENFJ girl dating a ESTJ guy?

  3. #603
    Writing... Array Tamske's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hanadul83 View Post
    Hi, I'm new here But if I ask him how he's feeling and it's anything other than angry, frustrated, or upset, it's like we hit a wall.
    Never, never ask a man about his feelings! It causes a lot of stress. He goes like: "what am I supposed to say NOW? What does she want to hear??? Do I really have to invent some problem because she 'feels' I am out of sorts?"
    Really, if you ask a man about feelings, he wants to get out of the situation without offending you.
    If you add "ESTJ" to this, you can imagine how bad this becomes...

    (Confirmed by my ESTJ husband)
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  4. #604
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    if an ESTJ is used to something, it's easy as pie for him/her?
    Generally, yeah. No problem whatsoever

    Quote Originally Posted by hanadul83 View Post
    Hi, I'm new here Signed up on this site to get help and advice about my ESTJ boyfriend. Um, I'm an exfj (but these days more of an eNfj) and I'm struggling with the intimacy (emotional connection) part of my relationship with my ESTJ. I appreciate that he's so rationale, logical, and emotionally stable, but sometimes I wish he'd be more emotionally in tune with himself and even verbalize/express that to me. He says he has the emotional capacity of a rhino I actually consider him to be very sensitive (maybe just mentally and socially) and quick, albeit thick-skinned and very masculine; he always knows when something's not right w/me. But if I ask him how he's feeling and it's anything other than angry, frustrated, or upset, it's like we hit a wall. Can you tell me how can we become more emotionally connected? Also, any advice for communicating these things to him w/o making him feel inadequate or unaccepted for who he is?
    This is one of those situations where you can only do so much. It's his problem. You're in a much better situation than a lot of people who've talked to me about ESTJ partners, though - with them, the ESTJ would get angry whenever their feelings were brought up. The only thing I can think of that you could do, that would help, is to just tell him, whenever he seems like he's feeling down, that if he wants to talk about it, that you're there for him. That helps for me, anyways - when people make offers to me, it's a nice reminder, and a good opportunity to latch onto.

    and it's nice enough to
    make a man
    weep, but I don't
    weep, do
    you?


    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  5. #605
    Writing... Array Tamske's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    You're in a much better situation than a lot of people who've talked to me about ESTJ partners, though - with them, the ESTJ would get angry whenever their feelings were brought up.
    Exception here!
    Maybe because I'm oblivious myself to those feelings most of the time... But sometimes we do talk about them. The rule is somewhat like this: you only bring up your own feelings if you want to talk about them. Like:
    "I had a bad day today... everything went wrong. Just leave me alone for a while, okay?"
    "Okay, I'm going to cook. Steak with tomatoes today."
    A few hours later:
    "This happened at work. I've said that and now I'm afraid Boss thinks this..."

    We are really good at communicating . Feelings get analyzed like everything else! The great thing about Ts is that they say what they mean. He won't give me the silent treatment when he's annoyed with me. He will say he's annoyed and give the reason. I do the same. Much simpler!
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  6. #606
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    Exception here!
    Good! I wish there were more exceptions around.

    We are really good at communicating . Feelings get analyzed like everything else! The great thing about Ts is that they say what they mean. He won't give me the silent treatment when he's annoyed with me. He will say he's annoyed and give the reason. I do the same. Much simpler!
    YES! I hate it when people do that whole roundabout thing where they make you guess why they're mad at you, and play these little vindictive games instead of being honest. Fs: We Ts can handle your honesty (generally)! It's okay, we still love you

    and it's nice enough to
    make a man
    weep, but I don't
    weep, do
    you?


    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #607
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    YES! I hate it when people do that whole roundabout thing where they make you guess why they're mad at you, and play these little vindictive games instead of being honest.
    That's one of the reasons I'm an ESTJ fan

    Two questions!

    1) Are ESTJs ever subtle? Do they put on an facade?
    The ESTJs I know hold on an image of reliable, down-to-earth, realistic, get-the-job-done, normal people - in short, an image of 'even more ESTJ' than they actually are.
    Do you ever hold up an image that's not of the 'even more ESTJ' kind?

    2) Do ESTJs ever start crazy, big, useless, creative projects of the kind we NPs are known for?
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  8. #608
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    1) Are ESTJs ever subtle? Do they put on an facade?
    The ESTJs I know hold on an image of reliable, down-to-earth, realistic, get-the-job-done, normal people - in short, an image of 'even more ESTJ' than they actually are.
    Do you ever hold up an image that's not of the 'even more ESTJ' kind?
    If I do ever put on a facade, it's temporary and for a specific purpose (e.g. pretending that I like someone that I hate, to avoid an awkward situation). Overall, though (and this might have a lot to do with enneagram, so my case probably isn't universal), I'd like to think that I'm a very genuine person. I just act how I act, and don't pretend to be something that I'm not.... but I'll update if I can think of an exception to this personal rule.

    2) Do ESTJs ever start crazy, big, useless, creative projects of the kind we NPs are known for?
    I definitely start big crazy projects, but they're never "useless". For example, I decided once (inspired by a pattern online) that I would knit a purse out of plastic bags. But there was a purpose there - to use those plastic bags in a fun, "green" way. I like to do huge projects that solve problems, e.g. fixing something, or cleaning, or painting a room, or something like that. Sometimes, I even have creative inventor-ly moments like you guys do, like when I decided to make some coasters out of unused chinese-take-out chopsticks that I had lying around. But usually those creative moments are inspired by a need (e.g. "What can I use those chopsticks for..?").

    and it's nice enough to
    make a man
    weep, but I don't
    weep, do
    you?


    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  9. #609
    Member Array Vanitas's Avatar
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    I've been wondering, would an ESTJ (especially male) consider a relationship with an (say, female) ENTJ? Would they even find the traits of ENTJ-tribe attractive?

    Or is it a bad idea from the get go? Clash of the Titans?
    Close your eyes, clear your heart,
    Cut the cord.
    - The Killers

  10. #610
    Writing... Array Tamske's Avatar
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    Are ESTJs ever ready with their work?
    Yesterday and today I tried to do the work first like a good girl, expecting to have a load of free time to write.
    But instead of getting free time, I just worked longer on the same task and got it done at the same time! The quality of my work was much better, though... Probably unnecessarily perfect.
    How do you determine the work is ready enough and play time can begin?

    Also, whenever I try to do 'work first' I see a lot of work lying around. I'm ready with my exams, the dishes need to be done. If the dishes are ready, the house needs to be cleaned. When everything is ready, things will be changed and there will be new work for me. I see a future of only work... Eeek!

    You've got to secure your play time somehow!! How do you do that, other than the P solution of 'play first'?
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

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