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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #591
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
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    Hey, random question for Max or any other ESTJ: Do you ever get really visceral reactions to things that you remember? e.g. an embarrassing memory comes to your mind, and it's like you're reliving it, and you maybe have a physical response, like grimacing or something?
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  2. #592
    Senior Member Max's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Hey, random question for Max or any other ESTJ: Do you ever get really visceral reactions to things that you remember? e.g. an embarrassing memory comes to your mind, and it's like you're reliving it, and you maybe have a physical response, like grimacing or something?
    O-M-frickin'-G... You have no idea. It happens so much, and sometimes someone'll see me in my state of recalling it or talking to myself. But yes, this is definitely something that happens to me all the time. That is most definitely an interesting coincidence that it happens to both of us.

  3. #593
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
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    ^ We should see if anybody else has this happen. I wonder if I should start a thread about it...

    Another question: do you feel really bad after you open up to people, sometimes? Most girls I know find ranting and crying and such to be cathartic, but when I do that, I just feel bad about it later. My theory is that the unpleasant feeling is upsetness with the fact that I acted "weak". Yet another reason why being a T girl in an F girl society is obnoxious... it encourages you to open up like that, so I do (often), but I don't like doing it.

    I ask because most ESTJ guys I've heard about don't really open up much at all, and so they don't talk about what it's like when they do. And I want to know if this is just me, or just ESTJ girls, or ESTJs in general.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  4. #594
    Senior Member Keps Mnemnosyne's Avatar
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    I do have physical reactions to memories, so it might just be a overall human thing, but perhaps ESTJs would notice it more?

    I, as a F, also feel crummy for ranting and falling apart, but instead of worrying about whether I am weak (because I know I am ) it is more of I just ruined someone's day which makes me feel crappier. I prefer the system that I had with my best friend, of complaining to each other equally, although I know I fell apart more than he did, alas.

    Sorry for answering questions you may not have wished answered here.

    Anyways, how does empathy feel for ESTJs? I am really glad to see a few more of them pop up.
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  5. #595
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    I have another question for an ESTJ, can any of you relate to this?

    "During a debate, if I convince you to change your opinions to what is believed to be a fact, this is to benefit you. But don't you dare convince me"

    basically, a double standard. Can any ESTJ relate to this?

  6. #596
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    I do have physical reactions to memories, so it might just be a overall human thing, but perhaps ESTJs would notice it more?
    Hm... interesting. I have no idea.

    I, as a F, also feel crummy for ranting and falling apart, but instead of worrying about whether I am weak (because I know I am ) it is more of I just ruined someone's day which makes me feel crappier. I prefer the system that I had with my best friend, of complaining to each other equally, although I know I fell apart more than he did, alas.

    Sorry for answering questions you may not have wished answered here.
    No problem - it really shows the NF-STJ difference, with regards to opening up. In all honesty, the idea that my feelings are a burden on others never crosses my mind when I'm upset. When I'm upset, I'm self-centered, and I live in my own head. Lots of inner turmoil, sometimes.

    Anyways, how does empathy feel for ESTJs? I am really glad to see a few more of them pop up.
    In my case? Mild, or nonexistent. But it depends on a few factors - prior mood, whether I've experienced a similar event, etc. Also, it really, really depends on whether I like the person. I probably won't empathize with someone if I dislike them.

    I can't remember any instances, at the moment, where I've felt the sort of vague, amorphous empathy that NFs are capable of (i.e. empathy that can fit in any situation, regardless of whether they've experienced a similar situation), but if someone has experienced something that I've been through too, I may empathize by reliving my own memories, either emotionally, or specifically, or both. Usually this only happens with really strong ones, though - if someone comes up to me and tells me that they failed a test, regardless of whether they're a close friend or not, I won't empathize with them even the slightest bit unless I can tell that they're upset about it too.

    Does that make sense? I dunno if it's like this for other ESTJs.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ontop View Post
    I have another question for an ESTJ, can any of you relate to this?

    "During a debate, if I convince you to change your opinions to what is believed to be a fact, this is to benefit you. But don't you dare convince me"

    basically, a double standard. Can any ESTJ relate to this?
    Oh yeah I can. It's our way of saying "Death or glory! You will never defeat me!!!" If we lose an argument, or, worse yet, if we're convinced that the other side is correct, the immediate response will probably be shame and humiliation, and not simple acknowledgment that the other side is right. Also, we tend to think that we're always right, and that, therefore, since our way is the "true" way, that we're helping people by sharing that "way" with them.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #597
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    ESTJs and fantasy...

    I like the fantasy genre of books and movies. My husband (the best ESTJ in the world, remember ) has learnt to appreciate the genre because of me. Yesterday we watched a Narnia movie... and we discussed this.
    He has problems with fantasy. He is almost unable to enter the "suspension of disbelief" needed to appreciate the genre fully. He connected this to his type. I'll cite him:
    "When there is magic and such, I enter a Vernon Dursley mode and I'm thinking all the time: this is not possible! I can only appreciate it if I can take it slowly and get used to the strange things occurring in those magic worlds."

    Is this common with you, ESTJs?

    Note: sometimes I have difficulties with suspension of disbelief too, but mostly they stem from a lack of internal consistency in the story.
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
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  8. #598
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
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    ^ I certainly don't have that problem. I don't think I relate to it even remotely. I love fantasy books. Maybe it has something to do with whether you grew up with them. Maybe he didn't read them as a kid (unlike me; I was a huge bookworm as a child, and read a lot of fantasy).
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  9. #599
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    ^ I certainly don't have that problem. I don't think I relate to it even remotely. I love fantasy books. Maybe it has something to do with whether you grew up with them. Maybe he didn't read them as a kid (unlike me; I was a huge bookworm as a child, and read a lot of fantasy).
    Seems reasonable. Hubby was (and is) also a huge bookworm... history, atlasses, climate and meteorology,...
    I was just wondering whether a (non-)preference for fantasy had anything to do with type. Maybe it is something like this... if an ESTJ is used to something, it's easy as pie for him/her?
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
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    Hi, I'm new here Signed up on this site to get help and advice about my ESTJ boyfriend. Um, I'm an exfj (but these days more of an eNfj) and I'm struggling with the intimacy (emotional connection) part of my relationship with my ESTJ. I appreciate that he's so rationale, logical, and emotionally stable, but sometimes I wish he'd be more emotionally in tune with himself and even verbalize/express that to me. He says he has the emotional capacity of a rhino I actually consider him to be very sensitive (maybe just mentally and socially) and quick, albeit thick-skinned and very masculine; he always knows when something's not right w/me. But if I ask him how he's feeling and it's anything other than angry, frustrated, or upset, it's like we hit a wall. Can you tell me how can we become more emotionally connected? Also, any advice for communicating these things to him w/o making him feel inadequate or unaccepted for who he is?

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