I know some of these have been answered already, but it's good to have multiple perspectives...
To Fidelia and MDP2525: I'm really sorry... both of your situations suck. I know you're the ones who are supposed to be asking the questions, but do you think that ALL ESTJs are inherently selfish? Or have you both just had bad times with unhealthy ESTJs?
I tend to react in bewilderment... If they're a friend, it's something like: "Jeez, this is serious business. They aren't doing so well! I know I need to do something, but I don't know what it is!" If someone I know is crying, or feeling down, I might offer to do something with them to distract them, e.g. come and watch a funny movie. Or I might give them a hug, or just sit next to them for a while, not saying anything. But I don't have many good tactical options, so if nothing I know how to do to comfort someone actually HELPS, I'll resort to, say, hugging them, and then leaving in embarrassment. But that's if I actually CARE. If they AREN'T my friend, I'll just go "Huh, that was intense. I wonder what that was all about..." and then leave.
A response to the specific question:
I guess I would pity them, and then go talk to them about it. Either that, or I'd feel awkward, and not talk to them, waiting for THEM to take the initiative. That is, AFTER I forgave them for the wrongdoing. Depending on how upset I got about it, it might take me a while to get to the pitying stage.
Un-asked-for advice: I'd apologize, and tell her what you just told me/the other ESTJs about it, and then see what happens. Better to have closure, you know?
... this is why, to answer your other question, I don't always get along with ENTPs. They cause that reaction in me all the time. (That's also why I was never on the debate team in high school or college... debates make me angry and irrational, neither of which is fun for me.)