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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #21
    Habitual Fi LineStepper Array JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Jeez! I didn't realize just HOW connected to her family she was. I misread it, I guess - I looked at that and thought "I rely on my mother...", but I certainly don't rely THAT much on my mother. That changes the whole thing! Forget what I said before.
    Yes, it's a bit mind boggling. They're best friends. I don't even have a best friend.

    This might sound weird, but have you tried telling her how you feel about it? ESTJs really value honesty, and, after all, love is all about compromise. She should know that. She's probably just oblivious to how you're feeling, and if you call her attention to it (tactfully), she'll (hopefully) react constructively and positively.


    I have, I've mentioned that it's a "concern" that I have in that I think that there may come a time when what's best for "us" will not necessarily be what's best for her nearly parasital relationship with her mom, and if that prevents us from making a good life decision it is a huge issue. This didn't really go over well. At all.



  2. #22
    Make 2017 a good one! Array Amargith's Avatar
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    Jock, how old is your gf again?
    And does she still live at home?
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★

  3. #23
    Habitual Fi LineStepper Array JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Jock, how old is your gf again?
    And does she still live at home?
    21 and yes.

    But technically so do I. I moved in with my Dad after he and my mom separated to help him out, but for 2 years I had lived in dorms/apartments, while she's always lived at home.

    Also, I'd like to add that she is remarkably financially independent. She pays for her own car, gas, took out school loans by herself, and makes very good money and is very hard working and great at her job. However the psychological independence is something I don't understand.



  4. #24
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    I have, I've mentioned that it's a "concern" that I have in that I think that there may come a time when what's best for "us" will not necessarily be what's best for her nearly parasital relationship with her mom, and if that prevents us from making a good life decision it is a huge issue. This didn't really go over well. At all.
    Well, for starters, I hope that you didn't use the word "parasitical" when you talked to her. That would have been bad!
    And with regard to the "psychologically independent" thing you said in the previous post... well, I'm best friends with my mom, too. But I don't do stuff like THAT. So, I dunno if the issue is her connection with her mom as much as it is an issue of her spending too much time and energy with her mom. So, I'd recommend bringing it up again, only VERY delicately and tactfully (since, if she reacted badly before, she must have taken it too hard, and too personally, meaning that she's pretty emotionally wrapped up in the whole thing), and emphasizing (a LOT) the fact that you respect her bond with her mother, and you aren't trying to undermine it. You just have your OWN needs, and they don't need to conflict with hers.
    "When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world -- 'No, YOU move.'"
    - Captain America

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    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  5. #25
    Habitual Fi LineStepper Array JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Well, for starters, I hope that you didn't use the word "parasitical" when you talked to her. That would have been bad!
    And with regard to the "psychologically independent" thing you said in the previous post... well, I'm best friends with my mom, too. But I don't do stuff like THAT. So, I dunno if the issue is her connection with her mom as much as it is an issue of her spending too much time and energy with her mom. So, I'd recommend bringing it up again, only VERY delicately and tactfully (since, if she reacted badly before, she must have taken it too hard, and too personally, meaning that she's pretty emotionally wrapped up in the whole thing), and emphasizing (a LOT) the fact that you respect her bond with her mother, and you aren't trying to undermine it. You just have your OWN needs, and they don't need to conflict with hers.
    The bolded is the main issue. And no, I didn't say it was parasital, but I wanted to really badly! I'll keep trying, but there's only so many ways you can present something in a logical manner only to find your partner essentially sticking her fingers in her ears and saying "LALALA." Ultimatums are always a terrible idea because they can cause resentment and I don't want that. I don't mind her relationship with her mom as long as it doesn't negatively impact mine, but I know it will. I'll try to bring it up again at an opportune moment. Thank you so much for your help! We need more ESTJs! You're so underrepresented.



  6. #26
    weightless Array iwakar's Avatar
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    EJCC,
    Do you plan to outlast the INFP/INFJ/INTP/INTJ/ESFP advice threads? If so, why and how?

    Regards,
    iwakar
    "There is no god; there is only us. Savage and fragile."

  7. #27
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Now, I don't think of this as a competition, but I'd like for this thread to last a long time. Why? Because I care.

    But seriously. Just how many people on this forum are always complaining about obnoxious ESTJs they know? They aren't complaining about INTPs. I mean, there are so many INTPs on TypoC that all you have to do is observe the site, if you have questions about how their brains work. ESTJs, on the other hand, are underrepresented here, and many people who complain about them (I presume) do so (in part) because they don't understand them. So, here I am, a healthy example of an ESTJ (but not really a stereotypical one - hey guess what? I'm not in the military!), eagerly awaiting your questions, and ready to answer them SERIOUSLY! (nudge nudge, entropie. )

    Of course, this statement is pretty idealistic, and ignores the fact that most threads that start in the SJ Guardhouse die young, and for no good reason. So, I dunno... does anyone want to keep it alive? Help? Anyone? ...Bueller? ...Bueller?

    Really, though. Keep this thread in mind. I'm here for you guys. If you have a question, ask.
    "When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world -- 'No, YOU move.'"
    - Captain America

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  8. #28
    Senior Member Array Amira's Avatar
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    Do you ever deal with much self-doubt or criticism? I do but it is very hard for people to tell. I'm wondering if it's that way for ESTJs...
    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

  9. #29
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Do you ever deal with much self-doubt or criticism? I do but it is very hard for people to tell. I'm wondering if it's that way for ESTJs...
    I definitely do, sometimes. Usually not, but sometimes I'll get into a mood, e.g. right after I get angry/sad/embarrassed about something, when I'll kinda get locked up into my head. I'll relive painful/embarrassing moments, and thoughts'll go through my head like "Why do you have to be such a bitch? Why can't you understand people better?", and that'll turn into a downward spiral. So, I suppose it's only in my weak moments when I doubt myself, because I tend to suppress thoughts like that as soon as they appear.

    I find the bolded part interesting, because I think it's the same way for me. Even though I can be very dramatic, to the point that people think I wear my heart on my sleeve, I doubt that anyone knows that I have moments like that. I keep them to myself at all costs, except with my very closest confidantes.
    "When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world -- 'No, YOU move.'"
    - Captain America

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    What our differences are? Hm... Generally, I'm very focused in a work environment. I ask a lot of questions, to ensure that I get the job done correctly. My goal is always to complete my tasks, and to make sure they're done RIGHT. And what do you mean by "culture", exactly?

    Besides that, I don't know how much I can talk about right now. 3 reasons why:
    1. I'm a student, and beyond that, I don't really want to give anything away about my work,
    2. I might need a bit more direction to answer (e.g. What category of differences are you thinking of, and what theory? Is it that people are always comparing ESTJs to ENTJs? 'Cause I can tell you right now one difference: ESTJs are way more into hierarchy than you guys are), and
    3. I'm frickin' tired, and need to go to bed. This is what happens when you have days off... grr! Goodstain was right when he voted me "most likely to stay up late on weekends"!
    The theory I'm talking about is MBTI. I wanted to see what differences the s/n divide made if any. Assuming we are correctly typed. I asked about work type situations because that's pretty much all I think about. Not a "job" per se, but my business, options, opportunities etc... I think about other things too but those areas are definitely dominant.

    By culture I mean overall philosophy, atmosphere, values, attitude, way things are type of shit. I definitely agree about the hierarchy thing. Hierarchy does not mean a thing to me if it is not working or the right people are in the wrong spots. I usually want to change it. I understand about school and not wanting to give away too much info so feel free not to answer.

    Any older estjs' in careers or business care to answer? istj?

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