This might sound weird, but have you tried telling her how you feel about it? ESTJs really value honesty, and, after all, love is all about compromise. She should know that. She's probably just oblivious to how you're feeling, and if you call her attention to it (tactfully), she'll (hopefully) react constructively and positively.
I have, I've mentioned that it's a "concern" that I have in that I think that there may come a time when what's best for "us" will not necessarily be what's best for her nearly parasital relationship with her mom, and if that prevents us from making a good life decision it is a huge issue. This didn't really go over well. At all.