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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #281
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the details - it really helps to have the background information. (I didn't really think he was drunk, but I mentioned that because ESTJs do act bolder when drunk, as so many other people do.)

    Even if he is a flirt, the fact that his flirting was so over the top, and that he still has the pig in the car, and that he values your opinion so much, leads me to believe that he likes you. The fact that he freely admitted that the relationship ended leads me to believe that he isn't making a move now because 1. he's still scared, or 2. he's ashamed of his previous actions. It's pretty typically ESTJ to be afraid to make the first move, and the semi-joking-flirting is probably the closest he can come to admitting he likes you. (It might be involuntary, really - most of my flirting is involuntary, but I'm not exactly an expert in good romantic practices.) Plus, there's the fact that he's already in a relationship... which is problematic, since, unless she's okay with the relationship being open (which I doubt, considering what you said about her), you can't make a move on him. Unless you, say, talk to him about the possibility of getting back together (and/or his mixed signals), and see what happens then.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  2. #282

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    Why would an ESTJ go from being really, and I mean really, warm and open one day (flirty, even), to just about blah the very next day, and the days that follow? Is this normal behavior for an ESTJ?

  3. #283
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by matilda View Post
    Why would an ESTJ go from being really, and I mean really, warm and open one day (flirty, even), to just about blah the very next day, and the days that follow? Is this normal behavior for an ESTJ?
    Wow. Well, I would certainly hope that I'm not like that.

    One thing I will say this about ESTJs, to start with: while, on the one hand, we give the impression of "what you see is what you get", there really is more to us than meets the eye, because when we have personal things going on, or when we have a change of attitude about something important, we may not declare it to the world as other types do. In other words, it sounds like something may have happened that caused him to act that way. A personal event, perhaps? A realization of some kind? Either way, we're not exactly known for being so passive-aggressive. We usually frown on that sort of behavior.

    What was it that happened, specifically? Do you have any clues as to any circumstances that changed from that one day to the ones that followed?
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  4. #284
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    EJCC, how come you don't smile more?

    lol


  5. #285

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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    EJCC, how come you don't smile more?

    lol


  6. #286
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    ...


    ...
    ...

    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #287

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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    One thing I will say this about ESTJs, to start with: while, on the one hand, we give the impression of "what you see is what you get", there really is more to us than meets the eye, because when we have personal things going on, or when we have a change of attitude about something important, we may not declare it to the world as other types do. In other words, it sounds like something may have happened that caused him to act that way.
    Thank you, EJCC, for this.

  8. #288
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    ^^
    Well, there's the obvious I vs. E difference. There's the fact that INTJs are sillier around people they know and are more comfortable with, while ESTJs are sillier around people they don't know, in an effort to impress them. (Makes for a lot of head-shaking by the ESTJ once they get to be friends.) When I see an INTJ, though, I mostly see the similarities, both good (e.g. mutual bluntness/honesty), and oddly enough, the similarities are often what bug me most (e.g. the tendency to ignore facts that don't mesh well with our beliefs). One big difference that I've noticed with the INTJs that I know is that they can read people so well - almost at an INFJ level, sometimes - whereas ESTJs are often completely oblivious to other people's personal needs.

    Not that your average ESTJ will see all this nuance in an INTJ right away. We'll probably think something along these lines: "Quiet, honest, intelligent, bold, blunt. An interesting person. A little bit intimidating. Hm." But then again, in my experience, when you first encounter an INTJ, you aren't seeing all of them. They have more depth than what's on the surface. (It's the same with ESTJs, really.)

    I think ESTJs and INTJs are very compatible in friendships. It's like an ESTJ-INFJ pairing, only without the traditional problems.

    I took some time to think about your reply. But the only thing that really stands out here is the word intimidating. Why intimidating ?

    Plus I don't see myself in not accepting facts part that much. But my Fi is underdeveloped so I can understand why someone would say what you said.

  9. #289
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    I took some time to think about your reply. But the only thing that really stands out here is the word intimidating. Why intimidating ?
    Well, INTJs can be very quiet and very serious. Quiet, serious people intimidate me when I first meet them. It could also be the air-of-confidence thing, put together with the quietness and the seriousness. It's not quite warm and inviting, you know? Once you get to know an INTJ, they can be very cheery and personable, but otherwise... you get the stone-cold exterior. From my experience.

    Plus I don't see myself in not accepting facts part that much. But my Fi is underdeveloped so I can understand why someone would say what you said.
    That's not an all-the-time thing. Usually, both ESTJs and INTJs are very accepting of facts. ESTJs especially - you can't convince us of something without factual evidence to back it up. But if we have a deeply held belief that's getting challenged by facts, we might even be resistant to accepting them. But that doesn't happen ALL the time, so I can see how/why you feel that way about it.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  10. #290
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    So, since there haven't been any questions recently, I'll answer some potential ones (provided by fidelia, paraphrased by me):

    1 (by a hypothetical N):
    "Hi EJCC! I've been having a lot of issues with my ESTJ boss. Whenever I tell him about problems, he thinks I'm being a whiner - or, on a bad day, he gets offended, and dislikes me even more. How can I help him without sacrificing my image?"

    Why thank you for asking, my iNtuitor friend! I would recommend... info sheets. Or, at least, talk like an info sheet. Use evidence! Lots of it! Make it very clear that it's facts your using, and not opinion (even if it is opinion - disguise it well).

    2 (by a hypothetical n00b):
    "Hello! I'm fairly nerdy and don't know that many ESTJs. I'm interested in learning more! So my question is: what makes ESTJs happy? I usually just see them when they're angry or businesslike. How can I tell that they're happy?"

    I'm so glad that you asked - many others would have remained comfortably ignorant instead of working up the courage to ask, so brava! Well, we enjoy chatting with friends. We LOVE to pontificate (). Generally, whenever we're really energetic and/or excited and/or passionately talking, we're happy. What makes us happiest, though, are the simple things - e.g. good food, good smells, getting something we really needed as a gift ("OMG, thank you! I always wanted a new roll of paper towels!" <-- I am NOT exaggerating here. I react to things like this all the time).
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

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