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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #271
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Do ESTJ's ever use jokes or teasing as a way to express their inner feelings?
    ~Live and learn from fools and from sages~




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  2. #272
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    That's funny about the hierarchy. Absolutely I think that's a part of it. No one can cook the kinds of food I do etc. He took great pleasure in talking about what we ate to other people - whole grains that they hadn't tried etc probably because it may impress them and put him at the top of that hierarchy. Same thing with making things like stuffed peppers and showing how easy it was to do, but them still being wowed and scared to try doing it themselves.

    I too have never met an ESTJ who was a picky eater. That's strange - does it have to do with doing what you are supposed to as little kids and becoming acclimatised to eating everything, or are you just given a different set of more accommodating taste buds? The ESTJs I know are opinionated eaters though. Mine took over making his own meals as a young teenager because he didn't like how his mother was doing it and she wouldn't listen to his attempts at reform.

    I do remember honestly wanting to be different as a kid, but not enjoying a lot of tastes or textures. I often needed ketchup and a glass of water to get food down. As an adult now, I would eat nearly everything with the exception of a couple of vegetables and meat on the bone because of the cartilagey/gristley stuff.

  3. #273
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Do ESTJ's ever use jokes or teasing as a way to express their inner feelings?
    All the time, absolutely! When I need to let something out that would otherwise make me feel vulnerable, I might disguise it as a self-deprecating joke, or an exaggerated, entertaining rant. (Many of my friends see through this, which, honestly, I wish they didn't - I guess I'm not a good enough actor?) I dunno about teasing, though... I suppose, in a situation where a friend is being annoying, I might try to tease them (as opposed to something harsher), again, to let it out without causing anything serious.

    I too have never met an ESTJ who was a picky eater. That's strange - does it have to do with doing what you are supposed to as little kids and becoming acclimatised to eating everything, or are you just given a different set of more accommodating taste buds?
    I'm not entirely sure. Maybe we view unusual food as a challenge waiting to be accepted, a chance to prove our toughness to the world. It could be our detail-oriented minds, noticing and appreciating the unusual aspects of the food rather than shying away from it. It could be that it's adventurous without being too dangerous. Maybe it's a coincidence, and it's just that my dad (an INTP) is an adventurous eater too (whose ONLY food dislike is bland food), and I got it from him. I wonder...

    The ESTJs I know are opinionated eaters though. Mine took over making his own meals as a young teenager because he didn't like how his mother was doing it and she wouldn't listen to his attempts at reform.
    Interesting! I could see myself doing that, though, thankfully, my mom almost always cooked food that I liked. (Plus, whenever I expressed dislike for food that she cooked, she would listen to me - she's an INFJ.)
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  4. #274
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I've just got to say it again EJCC. Thanks for being on the forum and especially for sticking with this thread. You have no idea how nice it is to get a little window into the ESTJ mind and from someone who can offer it in an approachable and helpful way. Keep up the good work!

  5. #275
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    All the time, absolutely! When I need to let something out that would otherwise make me feel vulnerable, I might disguise it as a self-deprecating joke, or an exaggerated, entertaining rant. (Many of my friends see through this, which, honestly, I wish they didn't - I guess I'm not a good enough actor?) I dunno about teasing, though... I suppose, in a situation where a friend is being annoying, I might try to tease them (as opposed to something harsher), again, to let it out without causing anything serious.

    This is how you guys flirt too? I've sort of noticed it seems that way. Yet, sometimes this particular ESTJ will say something shocking (like a bold flirty statement where he goes somewhere I wouldn't think he would take the flirting) and then backs down and sort of negates it as a "just kidding" kind of thing. It's weird to me and I don't know whether he's serious or not (we have history together) but my logical side always wants more proof. So in that sense, ESTJ gets away with doing this. It doesn't bother me but it's perplexing and I don't know how to react to it. Or what reaction is best. I try to laugh it off and yet I feel we are dancing around the same feelings but neither one of us has the guts to initiate anything for fear of being hurt. For being so "J" ESTJ leaves emotions hanging like no other type I know! I guess I'm guilty of that to some degree as well. But they are masters at it!
    ~Live and learn from fools and from sages~




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  6. #276
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I've just got to say it again EJCC. Thanks for being on the forum and especially for sticking with this thread. You have no idea how nice it is to get a little window into the ESTJ mind and from someone who can offer it in an approachable and helpful way. Keep up the good work!
    Thank you very much. I'm glad that you find me helpful. I only wish that there were more areas of the forum where I could help out.

    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    This is how you guys flirt too? I've sort of noticed it seems that way. Yet, sometimes this particular ESTJ will say something shocking (like a bold flirty statement where he goes somewhere I wouldn't think he would take the flirting) and then backs down and sort of negates it as a "just kidding" kind of thing. It's weird to me and I don't know whether he's serious or not (we have history together) but my logical side always wants more proof. So in that sense, ESTJ gets away with doing this. It doesn't bother me but it's perplexing and I don't know how to react to it. Or what reaction is best. I try to laugh it off and yet I feel we are dancing around the same feelings but neither one of us has the guts to initiate anything for fear of being hurt. For being so "J" ESTJ leaves emotions hanging like no other type I know! I guess I'm guilty of that to some degree as well. But they are masters at it!
    Yeah, it sounds like he's serious. If he wasn't, I doubt that he would make any comments at all. See, when I'm around guys that I like, I would err on the side of caution and hold in those impulses for fear of making things awkward, but I could see how an ESTJ in a certain situation (or, more accurately, a certain mood) would do something like that. I think, because of being J, we have a need for total control over a situation, and when you open yourself up completely, you can't safely predict what will happen as a result, and a lot is at stake. Whereas you INTPs are better at improvising, and taking risks.

    Was your bolded statement a question? If so, I'd suggest making an equally over-the-top-flirtatious comment back at him - that is, if you like him. If you don't, then maybe you should just be direct and talk to him about it (in private), saying that you don't like him in that way. That would most likely be awkward, but it would bring some closure, which is always a good thing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #277
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think the answer for that is you guys talking enough elsewhere for others to get to know you! One of the reasons that Ns write off SJs is that the real life ones don't talk to them about how they think and even here the SJs keep to themselves, so Ns often don't learn to appreciate their great qualities or their possibilities for teaching. You truly are an untapped resource and most forums don't even have SJs that stick around.

    In general, I find SJs aren't as likely to look for why things are how they are, because they are more willing to accept that they are that way and that's not likely to change. That also means that you are less likely to become involved in many of the discussions on here. And yet, I have found the things I've learned here to be extremely useful and applicable when talking to other T types, so I believe you do have enough commonalities to contribute effectively to other discussions. You especially, my dear, are a good representative of your kind, you are tough enough not to wilt under the ESTJ stereotypes/animosity and I think you could go a long ways towards educating others.

    Since you guys make up a larger chunk of the population than the Ns, you can really give us some ideas of how to interact more smoothly. As a side benefit, you may find out some things incidently about other types that you may not have known, as we did through our conversations back and forth on here.

  8. #278
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Thank you very much. I'm glad that you find me helpful. I only wish that there were more areas of the forum where I could help out.


    Yeah, it sounds like he's serious. If he wasn't, I doubt that he would make any comments at all. See, when I'm around guys that I like, I would err on the side of caution and hold in those impulses for fear of making things awkward, but I could see how an ESTJ in a certain situation (or, more accurately, a certain mood) would do something like that. I think, because of being J, we have a need for total control over a situation, and when you open yourself up completely, you can't safely predict what will happen as a result, and a lot is at stake. Whereas you INTPs are better at improvising, and taking risks.

    Was your bolded statement a question? If so, I'd suggest making an equally over-the-top-flirtatious comment back at him - that is, if you like him. If you don't, then maybe you should just be direct and talk to him about it (in private), saying that you don't like him in that way. That would most likely be awkward, but it would bring some closure, which is always a good thing.

    What mood would that be?

    Well, I did do the equally over the top flirtatious comment back at him and his response was confusing. He sent a complimentary flirty comment back to me but with a "jk" at the end of it.

    How was he not kidding before but now that I met him on his "level of flirting" he is? Seems like a smart way to have your cake and eat it too. Can't be called out.
    ~Live and learn from fools and from sages~




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  9. #279
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    What mood would that be?
    Very cheerful? Energetic/hyper? Drunk? Any one of those situations would embolden an ESTJ, allowing them to make comments like that when, otherwise, they'd be more cautious. However, the more you talk about it, the more I think that none of those apply here. What he's doing seems un-ESTJ to me - I mean, we're known to be very direct, but he's being very indirect and sending a lot of mixed signals.

    Well, I did do the equally over the top flirtatious comment back at him and his response was confusing. He sent a complimentary flirty comment back to me but with a "jk" at the end of it.
    Whut?? I don't get that. Maybe he sees that you like him, but is too cautious to take it further? That's the only thing I can think of at the moment. But it's worth asking - do you think he might be borderline on N, or anything like that? Is he socially awkward? Also, does he flirt like that with any other women?
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  10. #280
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Very cheerful? Energetic/hyper? Drunk? Any one of those situations would embolden an ESTJ, allowing them to make comments like that when, otherwise, they'd be more cautious. However, the more you talk about it, the more I think that none of those apply here. What he's doing seems un-ESTJ to me - I mean, we're known to be very direct, but he's being very indirect and sending a lot of mixed signals.


    Whut?? I don't get that. Maybe he sees that you like him, but is too cautious to take it further? That's the only thing I can think of at the moment. But it's worth asking - do you think he might be borderline on N, or anything like that? Is he socially awkward? Also, does he flirt like that with any other women?
    I know he wasn't drunk when he was flirting like that.
    A little history: We were together for a year. He broke it off - suddenly and without warning. We've been friends for the last 2 years. I found out a few things recently that may shed some light on the situation for you.

    1) Me, him and some of my friends went out one night. One of my friends (who didn't know we dated) asked him how he knew me. He said we dated. She asked him what happened. His response was, "I fucked it up. I got scared and I ran." I love my friends! They tell me everything...

    2) I bought him a stuffed little pig as a present once over a year ago and I found out he still keeps it in his truck. (which he cleans religiously, so I know he didn't "forget" about it in there).

    3) He usually comes to me for advice about his SO's. He is dating someone currently and has told me that he probably would've ended this relationship sooner (she is kind of psycho. Breaks into his email/phone. One time she followed his car into work while they're both on the phone arguing - they do not work together.) but that he's afraid to because he knows it will be really bad. He told me that he feels bad but realizes that she is, "Mrs. right now. Not Mrs. right" so he's staying with her. (I told him I don't agree with this but I understand it). He was telling me how he was discussing this issue with his mom and he told her that he was talking to me about it and from whatever he said his mom asked him why he wasn't back with me. He said that our schedules are so busy we would never see each other. This is sort of true. We're each very busy. I work two jobs/in school. He works/single parent/in school.

    4) On more than one occasion he has said that he has "always like what we were and are and is glad that we're friends and we never lost that."

    5) I've told him more than once that I'd rather be his friend because he is way more open with me without intimacy than when we were together. Put sex into the equation and he becomes a bumbling idiot about relationships. He's a better "boyfriend" as a friend than when we were together. I don't want to lose that but yet I think in time we could be something really great. The more I think about it - I think we're right for each other but it's not the right time.

    Ugh. Sorry for how long this is and the fact that it's so personal. I usually don't feel better about talking about stuff that confuses me. But my confusion outweighs my pride right now and I trust your feedback.


    No. he's not socially awkward - at all. Everyone loves him. I'm sure he's ESTJ because I had him take the MBTI test. If anything I don't remember but J might be his lowest letter. But he's definitely ESTJ. He is a bit of a flirt.
    ~Live and learn from fools and from sages~




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